Last Minute of Life
by Mini Sweety
Summary: When Sakura was diagnosed with an incurable disease, she began to hate life, at the same time fearing death. However, when she meets a volunteer worker one day, she was brought back to life. Rated 14A. [Full Sum Inside]DONE
1. Kinomoto Sakura

**Author's Note: **_The first half of this story will be really dark, if you can live through it, read it, if you can't stand it, don't continue on. It's actually rated 14A, but since there's no such choice on , might as well make it an 'R' to be safe._

**_Summary: When Sakura was diagnosed with an incurable disease, all she could do was wait for death. Instead of making the best out of what's left, she lost her happy spirit and began to hate life, at the same time fearing death. Then one day, she meets a volunteer worker at the hospital, and he brought her back to life. Rated 14A._**

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**Chapter One**

_Kinomoto Sakura_

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Orubia dumped her stuff by the bed stand and sighed heavily. She sat on the white bed that's specially reserved for her, and wondered just how many people in her situation has slept on this bed, has died on this bed, and whether she was shortening her life by living in this ill-omened room.

People like her were given a choice, people like her cannot pass on their disease by casual contact, so she's still allowed to stay with her family. But Orubia chose here, because she felt like this is the only place she is deserving of.

A sick patient coughed beside her and Orubia turned around to the sound.

The lady looked like she was fifty, her skin was gray and her body was twisted in what looked like a tangled mass.

"Excuse me, madam." Orubia said with her usual soft voice, and looked at the lady with her pale blue eyes.

The lady gave her acknowledgement by turning her eyeballs towards her.

"I was wondering," Orubia continued. "if you're uncomfortable like that. I can help you change into a better position if you'd like."

The lady coughed loudly, and in a hoarse, dry voice, she responded. "It doesn't matter… I have no feeling of my body anymore…" Orubia gasped, and the lady continued. "How old do you think I am, child?"

Orubia knew what she was getting at, and instead, reversed the question. "What year were you born?"

It sounded almost like a chuckle. "Child, I am only 32." She coughed loudly and Orubia noticed that only her head is shaking and twitching from discomfort, while the rest of her body was laying motionlessly still.

Orubia sat down on the edge of the bed, and secretly, she slid her hand under the blanket, touched the woman's big toe, and dug her nails deep inside. Yet, the woman didn't respond at all.

A sad, strangled cry uttered from Orubia's lips. "I-I… I'm… I'm sorry…"

"For what? Someday, you'll end up just like me anyways. How old are you, child?"

"I'm… 19…" And all of a sudden, Orubia imagined the woman in front of her to have said she was only twenty, and somehow, Orubia knew that it was going to be her future… to be like the living corpse in front of her except at an even younger age. "No!" She cried.

She hadn't meant to, but the reality seemed so hideous she began to howl with tears. After all that's happened, she hadn't _really_ thought about it. But now the truth is sinking in, and Orubia doesn't think she can take it. "No! I cannot end up like this! I'm so young, I have the most treasured part of my life waiting for me to live it with sunshine and fun and boyfriends! I cannot end up as a corpse!" Orubia threw her pillow roughly against the wall and wiped everything off her bed stand. Her insane cries drowned out the woman's painful moaning.

"Child… stop… please…"

But Orubia couldn't hear her. She felt dread breaking into her life but there was no way to stop it. "IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I DON'T DESERVE THIS! IT WAS A SPUR OF THE MOMENT! I SHOULDN'T BE DYING!"

Two nurses hurried into quickly and they somehow forced a pill into Orubia's mouth. Five minutes late, she was chained to her bed and had stopped crying. The old lady had only pain on her face, probably suffered when Orubia had screamed.

Orubia bent down to grab her books by her bed. To her surprise, the book she grabbed wasn't hers. And by the look of it, someone had dropped it there. Not neatly dropped, as if… as if the person before her died, but before dying was reading it, and he or she had no more strength to hold it, it fell out of their grasp.

She flipped open the book. It wasn't exactly a book but more of a diary type of thing, and it wasn't an expensive diary either, it was just line paper stapled together.

_What happened to the patient before her? Had the person really died?_ Orubia thought to herself. Stupid question. Of course he or she did. No one comes into this room and walks out alive. No one who has even the slightest chance of living would be coming into this room.

Orubia began to read the diary.

* * *

I hate life. I really do. It's filled with lies and bitches and bastards. It's because of lies and bastards that I'm here right now, dying, and it's because of bitches that I don't have enough people visiting me.

I had been stupid.

I was such a happy 16-year-old girl. I was innocent and naïve.

I'm not sure why I'm even keeping a diary considering the fact I'd be fucking dead before I can find someone to pass it on to. Either way, there's nothing to do, so I'll keep writing.

My name's Kinomoto Sakura, and I'm a cheerleader, who goes to a high school, and is very popular.

I never swear, because there's no need to, but now, just for the sake of it, I'm going to say fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

Yeah. Fuck. What are you going to do about it? My life's going to be done in over a year at the most so arrest me if you want, _fuck_.

I know you won't believe me to ever be happy but I was. I had auburn hair (they seem dully brown to me now), and green eyes (seems more like radioactive poisoning colour) that everybody was jealous of.

They say people can't change this fast, no matter what a drastic change was added to their life, and they're right. It's been a year since it happened to me, and I'm not getting any better.

What happened me? Let's just say this.

All the bullshit about safe sex and all? Fuck it.

My boyfriend was popular, I was going out with him for about a year, and he wanted to do it. What am I suppose to say? He bought the condom and said they were 97 effective, and even our teacher told as that.

So I said ok. Like, what's the worst that can happen? I don't want to lose my boyfriend. If I can pregnant, just get an abortion, like whatever.

But after I did it, I began to feel feverish and funny, I went to the hospital for a check up, and they told me I got HIV. AIDS, if you prefer.

They also said that you can be a carrier (Someone who has the disease but it's not acting up in their body yet) for about 3 months-15 years.

My bastard of a boyfriend is one of the luckier ones because he's still perfectly healthy while I ended up in the hospital a year later. I'm 17 right now, and I'm dying. I hate life, I want to end it, I wish I could, but I fear death as well. It's a paradox. Who's going to win? Life, or death? But in the end, I know I'll die, it's no question about it.

The doctors said my case was serious, and said they can probably prolong my life if I stayed in the hospital under their special care. So my dad said ok. I suppose he figured since I looked so much like mom, if I died, it'll be like my mom died twice or something. Yes, my mom's dead. My brother was devastated as well for me, and same as my best friend, Daidouji Tomoyo.

But what the hell, all those bitches in school, so-called my 'friends', none of them visited once. They send a letter maybe twice at most, and didn't even bother buying me some flowers to go along with it.

Man, if Tomoyo ever read this dairy, it'd be funny to see her expression. She'd be choking to see me swearing, considering the fact I rarely use the word 'damn' or 'hell' before.

Here's a part of my old diary for you to compare with.

Quote: I went to the mall with a couple of my friends today, and my daddy gave me 50 dollars. But then we went to our favourite store, and there was this skirt, it was so beautiful! It wasn't too short, but it showed off enough, and it was a contrast to my eye colour so it was really nice. My friends said with the red skirt and my green eyes I looked sort of like a Christmas tree, but I just giggled at that. But then, I also saw this other sleeveless top, and it was baby blue with such an adorable kitty in the front! The skirt costs 45 dollars and the shirt was 30! And I didn't have enough money! It's soooo sad! What am I suppose to do?? I didn't buy anything because I couldn't decide. And then my daddy refused to give me any more money because he said he already gave me enough. Diary, tell me, which one should I get? I'm going back tomorrow and I'm getting at least one! Oooo… what a hard decision!

Psssh. I can't believe how screwy I was before. Just fucking rob a bank and get both. Whatever, put me in jail and sentence me for 5 years. News flash, I'll die before half my sentence is over. So hah.

A nurse just walked in. She's putting the meal on my desk, and I think she tried to see what I was writing. I held it closer to me and even so, I think she caught a glimpse of a few words, and now she thinks I'm psycho. She probably saw one of my 'fuck' parts.

I hate everything around me.

I hate my food, I hate all the sick people around me, I hate all the nurses smiling everyday. Like what the hell! I'm dying, hello! What's there to smile about? Why bother trying to encourage me? So I'll be more disappointed on my death day? And mostly, I hate my bastard of a boyfriend. I really hope he'll be here soon. I hope he'll be staying on this same bed and stumble upon the same diary and read it, and see just how much I hate him.

After I got sick and got stuck in here, he only visited once. As if he was afraid of my disease. Bastard. _He_ gave the disease to _me_ and now he's scared of it. Just because he's in much better shape doesn't mean he still doesn't have the disease, because he does, so it doesn't make him any different from me.

My lunch smells funny. Why the hell are they giving me a piece of chocolate for? Hoping I'd get diabetes too and die sooner? And what's with noodles? What if I slurp too fast and choke to death? And my soup. It feels like it just came out of a volcano. Oh gee, try to burn me to death what don't you.

The fruits are too healthy as well. An apple a day keeps the doctors away. I know that saying, but whatever, I'm already dying, the doctors are like my family members right now, I'm never getting rid of them until I'm rotting in my grave.

I hate everything around me. The person on the bed next to me is in worse conditions than I am. She looks old and the nurses told me she can't feel her legs anymore and hardly has any control over her upper body.

I'll probably end up like that one day too.

But I won't. I'll be worse off. Because the nurses also told me, as horrible as the lady beside me is, she's been graduately getting worse and worse for about 10 years now, while the nurse says my immune system sucks crap compared to hers. I'll die before the old hag.

My words are very random, defocused and sounds like bunch of bullshit taped together. That's because my thoughts are random as well. Whatever I think, I write down, and that's that.

Yesterday, I had a dream, it was a very strange dream. I was still me, at the same time I was a third person watching over me. The real me, was walking through a dark alley at night, while the third person me saw a figure following me through the darkness. Half of my brain knows I was in danger while the other half didn't. But the 'me', didn't react, because 'I' didn't know what was going on, I wasn't connected to the third me. So while I was processing danger warnings through my brain, the 'me' walking just continued to smile, oblivious to everything.

Then the person finally came out of the shadows. Then somehow I blacked out, and when I woke up, I knew I was raped, though I wasn't sure how. Here's the funny part. For some reason the dumb shit didn't murder me after, and I got away, while later found out he got AIDS from me. Psssssh. Serves him right. I only wish that it was my bastard of a boyfriend instead.

When I woke up from that dream I was dazzled for a moment because it felt so real, and I wanted to cry because of what happened to me but instead I started laughing. But it was an empty laugh, because my joy of the man getting backfired instead was just an excuse so that I wouldn't feel so bad about what's happening to me now, instead. I laughed like I was mad, then I began to cry.

"It's ok, child…" The patient beside me said. I didn't know she could still speak.

I flinched. "I thought you were dead all over…" I muttered.

"After being here for this long, I've seen many like you…"

"And… what happened to them?"

She looked at me in the eyes. "You should know the answer to that…"

I nodded. "They all died, didn't they?"

"Yes…" She closed her eyes. "Be glad for that. I've been here for ten years, and for the last 5, I was hardly functional, I wish I could die… really. A quick death isn't as bad as you think." She chuckled. "You know, when I was young, I thought to myself, one day, if I were old, I think I should just die. I won't be able to stand looking in the mirror at myself then. But now, I only think to myself, what I wouldn't do to just be healthy…"

I swallowed. "I'm still young… and I'm still beautiful… and I'm still healthy—sort of… you think I should stop complaining."

She nodded. "Understand, there are always people in worse position than you. That's why I'm still here."

I frowned. "If you hate life so much, while don't you just end it? We're in a hospital, it shouldn't be difficult… I mean, not that I want you to die or anything…"

She rolled over so that her back was towards me. She yawned and I wondered, in her condition, how many hours of sleep did she need daily, and how easily did she get tired. "Because… I need to live for my daughter, and to encourage each of you young ones, who comes into this room."

_For example me…_ I thought to myself. "How old is your daughter? How often does she visit?"

"Not often…" She replied in a soft and tired voice. "Maybe once every two months if I'm lucky, but if I die, she would be sad… and I don't want her to be sad…"

And suddenly, I felt so sorry for her.

--

Hours later when I was sitting under a tree in the hospital's backyard, I remember the conversation I had with the lady, and I snorted. Perhaps it was because I wasn't fully awake then, and I was just so devastated for something comforting, that I drank in all her words. But after a proper shower, something nice to eat, and watching healthy, happy people having fun, I realized that her words were all bullshit.

What the hell was the wrong with me? How could I actually have felt sorry for her? What about _me_? It's her own damn fault for torturing herself. My ass her daughter would be sad. If she really would be, she'd have visited her hag of a mother more often. And so what if she's sad? Time heals all wounds, they say, so let her feel lucky at least time is on her side, because for me, time widens all my wounds. Time is sucking on my life. Time is a thief. Time brings the devil closer to me. I hate Time.

If only there were no Time. I wish Time didn't exist so that everything would always freeze at that one moment, and I'd have nothing to worry about. Because I know, it'll still be like this tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and for the rest of eternity. I wouldn't have to worry about death and wonder everyday before going to bed, would I still wake up tomorrow morning?

A ball rolled by and stopped by my feet. I picked it up in wonder.

"Hi, miss, can you pass that to me, please?" A sweet voice said.

I looked up to see a young girl around the age of six, and who reminded me so much of myself staring at me with happy eyes. I held out the ball. "This is yours?"

"Yes… Thank you!" She reached forward to grab it, but I held my hand back, and she tried reaching for it even by leaning more forward, only ended up falling on her face. "WAAAAAAAH!!!!" She cried.

I pulled her up by grabbing her collar from the back. "Stop crying."

She sniffled for a while, looked at me with teary eyes, then started crying even harder. "LET GO OF ME!" She screeched.

I felt no pity for her. "Shut up, brat. You think it's so sad you friggin' fell on the ground and you can't get a crappin' ball. Kid, listen, at least, YOU AREN'T DYING!" I shouted then dropped her down.

She was so surprised by my loud voice that she took a step back and tripped over her own foot. Quickly, she got up, casting me one last frightened look, she ran away as fast as her chubby little legs could carry her. "MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!! HEELP ME! GHOSTS ARE AFTER ME!!!"

Little kids. They think every scaring thing is a ghost. I rolled my eyes. "Not yet…" I muttered. "My ghost will be coming soon though…"

I leaned back against the bark of the tree, but a minute later, a loud screeching dragged me into a fight.

"YOU STUPID GIRL! What have you done to my daughter?" The girl's mother cried, reaching forward to take the ball from me, obviously not expecting me to say anything back, but she was in for a surprise.

As she reached forwards, I held the ball back out of her reach.

She stood up tall and straight and looked at me sternly. "My daughter's here to play in the park nearby. It was an accident she kicked the ball in here. I know you're a sick patient and you must feel horrible, but you don't have to take it out on a little girl." Her words were suppose to be comforting, but her tone was as cold as ice, and I knew she's only saying that so I'd be nice to her daughter.

Slowly, I raised my eyes to meet hers. My unfazed gaze startled her. "You have no idea what you're talking about, lady."

She hid her surprise with a wave of her hand. "I don't care what situation you're in, I don't care if you have to get a needle shot every single day, but you're just being a big bully by taking stuff out on a little girl."

Her daughter was clutching tightly on the mother's long skirt, obviously scared of me.

I ignored the daughter and stared into the mother's eyes. My grave expression told her there was something wrong with me. "Lady, I wish I could get a shot everyday, but I can't. Do you know what? I'm dying. I'll be gone from this planet within 14 months. So get the fuck away from me and leave me to suffer, all right?"

The daughter whimpered even more.

"Yeah." I told her. "Go ahead and cry, because that's a truth, and you're a human too, so you're no different, someday, you'll be just like me, you'll be dying, and you'll know it."

The daughter was now absolutely terrified. "WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!" She screamed. Letting go of her mother, she began to run the opposite direction of me, her mother gave me one last look and I was startled to see tears in her eyes.

"I know you're in pain, but you don't have to do this to a poor innocent child." And she chased after her daughter.

And I was left alone, for the millionth time in my life. But I felt like a horrible person. I made a tiny little girl cry… what would I have thought if someone had said that to me when I was just six? I probably would be scarred for life… and not only that… I hurt the mother too… I think the whole time that's what I wanted to do, because she was so rude and so much older with a family and a child but still happy… But I couldn't make her mad… so what did I do? I used her daughter to get to her.

I hurt a 6-year-old helpless girl to get to her mother! A loving mother who has done nothing to me but live! I was in a very unstable situation. Half of me thought she deserved it, whatever, she's not dying so she'll get over it, while the other half of me, felt like a bully, a traitor, a soul-breaking creature that will hurts anyone they desire even if it means hurting the weak and innocent in the process.

I felt like I was being ripped apart. Hot tears ran down my cheek and I held my head tightly, pressing hard as if to stop my head from literally exploding. "I don't know what to do…" I whispered to myself. "I want to die! But I'm so scared to as well!! Oh God, somebody, save me!"

"Sakura?"

I looked up to see my brother, Kinomoto Touya, with his boyfriend Yukito.

When I first found out that my brother was gay, I thought he was on crack and used to laugh at him, but now, I realize he's the normal one, it's not his fault, and _if_ what he did is considered a mistake, it was a mistake of love, and I can't blame him for any of that. "Touya…" I whispered. "Oh, Touya!" I hugged him tightly and my tears wet his shirt. "I don't want to die… I want to live till I'm old… I don't want to be so mean and cruel and unhappy all day!!"

"Sakura, it's ok…" He whispered. "It's ok…" And he just let me cry.

--

People tell me the same things all the time. 'We're not trying to deny the fact that you're dying' they'd say. 'But because you are, you should make the best out of what you have left, or else you would regret it forever. When people are left with a last chance, they usually treasure it more than ever, and that is what you have to learn to do, Sakura, be happy, live everything you've ever wanted in this one moment, and when you die, there's nothing for you to regret, and you'll be able to face death without fear.'

Easy for them to say. It's not their life they're losing.

My brother visited me that time simply out of good deed. Of everyone in the world, he could connect with me the most, just like how he managed to let my head stay in piece that day. My emotional state is really unhealthy, I don't know whether it came with AIDS, or it's just something I did to myself by being moody all day, but I find it incurable.

There are only temporary relieves when my brother comes to soothe me. But he's not here often. He has a job, he has his whole life in front of him. He has other people to visit, his has a lover to love. It's selfish to ask him to abandon all that just for me, but I can't help but hope he would.

I've also found a new way to release stress lately. Just cry. I realize crying really does help.

And so, sometimes, I would just sit by my bed, and I would just let the tears flow steady down my cheek. It drips onto my lap and I feel satisfaction. It feels sort of weird, because it's bitter sweet, really, I know you hear people use that word all the time, but for me, it really is. Bitter, because I am crying, I know I have so much stress and hatred and sadness in me, but also sweet, because when my tears flow, everything flows with it, and I feel peace within me. I could just sit like that for hours a day. My eyes were always red.

But silent crying is the only way I can get through each day, because all my emotions are cried away, and I am left empty inside, and I cannot do anything rash that way. And I think that's as close as I can get to happiness.

Everyday I cried, I cried so much the salt from my tears stunned the corners of my eyes. The patient dying on the bed next to mine stares at me daily, I think she thinks that I'm recalling endless terrible memories from the past and I can tell she hurts for me, but I do not care. Nothing, no one, on the face of this earth can move me now. I used to stare at the beauty of everything and my heart would pound faster. When I see a cute boy my cheeks would redden. When I do something wrong I feel a great pang to my chest.

But not anymore. No one, nothing, can shake me now, can arouse any sort of feelings in me, and it just might as well stay this way, at least I'm more stable, and won't die of a heart attack.

But crying isn't healthy. Although at the moment it relieves tension from my soul, overall, I'm getting weaker and weaker, filled with more sorrow by each passing day, and pretty soon, I couldn't eat, and I didn't even feel compelled to complain any more because I was so drained.

This is not good for me, and nurses and doctors came, and tried everything they can to cheer me up, but I stayed silent. However they made me promise to at least eat something to sustain the leftovers of my life, and this I agreed.

A nibble for breakfast, a bite for lunch, and a mouthful for dinner. I was getting paler and skinnier, and I craved for nothing. There was an empty hole filling the depth of my heart, but I was so used to it that it was nothing new, I felt as if this hole has been born with me and will die with me, nothing I do can change the truth of this.

But then one day, I got a cold. I coughed a little. This wouldn't be a big deal to you, but it could mean life or death for me. But I didn't really want to alert the nurses, so when they came, I held everything and didn't say a word, when they leave, I'd start coughing.

Three days passed like this, and on the fourth day, I couldn't stop coughing and sneezing. Sometimes I'd cough so hard I felt my life being spat out of my mouth. This the nurses noticed and they were scared, devastated even, and they had me take twice as much pills as I did before, and everyday, they would circulate my blood. This meant they'd take half of my blood, throw that away, and fill it with someone else's blood, basically. Because my blood no longer contained any working white blood cells, which destroyed my immune system.

I had to do this daily because the white blood cells would just be contaminated the next day by the stupid AIDS virus.

"When did this happen? When was the first time you began to get a cough?" The doctor asked me, furious.

"July 5th." I replied.

"And why didn't you tell me?"

"Because…"

"You know what it can do to you! I explained everything to you expecting you to be responsible for yourself! But this is what you do? You get sick and you don't tell me? I told you what the consequences are! Everyday, you complain about how you don't want to die, and this is how you prove it to me?"

"I don't have to prove it to you." I replied coldly. "You're not God, you can't give me life if I do something right."

"No." He replied wearily. "But you're cheating yourself."

--

Then I got sicker, day by day. First a cold, then a really bad cold, then mild fever, then a fever that could've cooked my brain alive, then I began to feel like I was paralysed.

Everything went like a blur for me those days, I wasn't even sure when I was awake or asleep anymore. Except that when I'm awake, I'm miserable, when I'm dreaming, all's possible.

Maybe I don't want to die, but I think a coma would be nice.

And that's what happened to me.

On July 28th, I went into a deep coma. For two hours at first. I woke up after that, but another three hours later, I went into another coma, which lasted for 4 days.

I did, however wake up. I still had a terribly frightening fever, dizzy eye sight, plugged ears, hoarse voice, and feels practically paralysed from waist down. But to add to that, my lips were parched and bleeding, and I had a weird taste into my mouth.

During my coma, it was actually quite pleasant, I had a dream, of place where there were rich colours warm lights, where choices weren't to be made but people led you to them, and when you open the door to that choice, everything was wondrous and all you were expected to do was to enjoy it, and if you were happy, everybody would be too, it was as if your happiness was the greatest and most important thing to everyone in this world. They loved you but they didn't spoil you like a queen. But their love was warm and I felt like joy itself.

It was a hard dream to wake up from, and I wondered now, after I woke up, perhaps I have died for a while during my coma and was brought back to life?

Anyways, where were we? Oh yes, I woke up on August 1st, and from that day, I began to get better graduately. I didn't know much, but I did know not only did I take 5 times as much pill as before my coma, had my blood cleaned twice a day, I also had 3 needle shots every morning and 2 before bed.

Only then, day by day, I felt easier to breath. And on August 20th, my fever was only light, and I was conscious of everything around me. The first thing that came to my head was, 'it's light.' As if it's always been good and normal, only to remember what had happened for the past month, and I was glad that my memory had not been burnt, though some thoughts from when I was little became unclear.

The doctor came in and he sat firmly by my bed. "We've almost lost you." He told me. "Next time you get sick, tell me." His voice was serious and I can see he had been worried about me. "This has cost your dad quite a bit of money, but what's more important, you could've not been brought back to life. You still have another at _least_ 7 months to live, why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I'm not doing anything." I muttered. "I didn't give myself AIDS."

"Yes you did. If you did not have sex this wouldn't have happened to you."

I stared at him furiously. "DO NOT REMIND ME OF THAT!" I cried.

He didn't flinch, but just sat there as if all his patients did that to him, and now that I think about it, they probably did. "From today on," he began, ignoring my outburst. "You will eat properly and you will do everything we tell you. You will finish all your meals and I don't care how much pain it takes for you to do that, you will eat all your pills and not throw them out the window," he must have found the pills outside my window that I've thrown out the first week of my coming to this hospital until I realized I was better off with them, because he gave me some pain killers along with everything else, but I couldn't identify which ones so I just ate everything. "And stop crying because though you may not think, but it does damage your body internally. If you do not follow my instruction, I will have your dad here to supervise you day and night. He will not get any sleep and will not go to work because of you." The doctor paused and checked my pulse and touched my forehead and gave me three shots. "Do we understand each other?"

"Yes." I replied.

"Good." A nurse came in and put a tray in front of me plus a whole cup of pills. "Now I want you to eat it all and I'm going to sit here and make sure you do."

And that's what he did. He sat there until I licked every drop of soup. Swallowed every dot of mashed potato, every piece of the fish, and every string of the noodles.

To tell you the truth I wasn't being so obedient because I was worried about my dad. Who cares about him? A year later when I'm dead, he'll just take a 5 day nap and be all recovered and still have opportunities out there waiting for him, and he'll probably get a job that pays more for him than now. It is I, who is dying, and before I die, the one thing I am afraid of, is to be caged in. With dad here, I will be like a bird locked up in a white cage that's too small for me to fly around. And everyday I will watch the same things over and over again because I cannot go beyond its limit, my freedom will be all taken away and I know I'd go insane like that and probably end up committing suicide.

"That wasn't too bad, now was it?" The doctor said, smiling.

"To you maybe…" I said under my breath. But I faced him with a brief, forced smile. "No, it wasn't that bad, Dr… Dr…" It hit me then that I didn't even know my doctor's name. "You never told me your name." I said.

"Yes, I did, on your first day here."

"I must've been ignoring you."

He was silent for a bit, then brightened up again. "I'm Dr. Ada."

"That's a funny name." I said, but I didn't laugh like I would've if I were still my old self.

He was slightly offended but tried to cover it up. "Well, what can I say, I was born this way."

Then all of a sudden, having seen his face for forty minutes straight annoyed me, and I felt imprisoned and desperate to get away. "I'd like to go have a walk in the park." I said, standing up.

Dr. Ada brightened. "Why sure my darling!"

I stood and began walking away, with him behind me. "Alone." I added.

He stopped. "Well, that's fine too. But you know the rules, be back within two hours, I'll be checking."

"Sure." Without one last glance, I walked dizzily out into the courtyard.

--

This is probably the only thing I like about being a dying patient, I hardly ever have to hear the word 'no' again because every little thing I did, made people happy. They always think I'm on my way to become 'cheerful' again and treasure the rest of my life like those people on TV did.

Not happening anytime soon.

I usually do what I do to get away from them, from everybody. If only I could, I would grow magical wings and fly higher and higher into the sky. I would fly and never stop flying, and only then will I feel truly separated from everybody else, the livings, and I would be all alone with my wings and flying with the cold and crisp air. I don't know what I'd feel then, except that's all I can think now.

I sat under that same tree for an hour and just thought about how great it would be to get away from everything. Maybe not how great it would be, but how satisfying it would be for now, however I had a feeling once I was alone, I'd only feel worse.

Then I thought about the girl whose ball I had stolen from a month and a bit ago, and I found myself wondering if her mom bought her a new ball. I stared at where I first met her and suddenly I wanted her to come back. She was just so cute, so innocent, I suddenly felt the urge for the winds to blow her here, alone, without her mom and I'd just hug her tightly and tell her my sad story, and tell her a billions sorry, that I didn't mean all the cruel stuff I did to her and that I was unbalanced mentally and most likely physically as well.

But she didn't come. For a moment there I actually thought she would, but she didn't, and once again I had that feeling like in my dream again. I became two people. The 'me' was so sad and disappointed, while a further me, probably a wiser me, was expecting this, but even though I knew those two were both me, they would not connect, and since I was the 'me' on earth, I was so terribly stricken by the fact she had not showed up I began to cry again.

20 minutes later I gathered myself up and went back to my hospital room. Dr. Ada kept his promise and came to my room exact two hours after I left and check on me. "How do you feel now?"

"Lighter, less stressed, more clear." And split into two beings. I wanted to say, but I knew saying that would only frighten him, so I kept it to myself.

"It's time, again, my dear." He said, with a warm smile.

And I didn't have to ask. I simple sighed heavily and stood up again, and walked out of my room with Dr. Ada behind me.

What's it time for, You ask? My exchange of blood, to keep me alive and fight the still left of the diseases inside my body.

I was back in my room two hours later, feeling drained, and the new blood pricked inside me every time it circulated.

"Lie down and rest now, dear." Dr. Ada said, tugging me in.

I yawned helplessly and always wondered if they added some extra sleeping pill stuff with the blood to get me to rest faster.

--

I was woken up for lunch, which was an hour later, and again, Dr. Ada supervised me. After lunch I was still tired so I slept some more, and half an hour before dinner, I woke.

I stared outside and the stars looked as they always did from my window. I sighed. It's the same cycle over and over again, never anything changing. I'd honestly love it if a fire came. At least I'd be able to watch the firemen being brave and be kept awake and excited for a day.

"How are you, my child?" A dry voice said beside me.

It was that lady. "I'm ok…" I told her.

She smiled. "That's good… that's good…" There was some silence. "You know, they give you quite good food, it's actually better than what most other people get."

I was about to say, 'you get the same, don't you?' when I realized I've never seen her eat. She was always laying there and never moved. Sometimes maybe once a week, they'd pile her onto a wheel chair, and from my window, I'd see them pushing her around the hospital courtyard. They'd come back half an hour later and that'd be her tour for the week. She had many shots per day, but seriously, didn't she ever eat? "You… you never eat…" I said, half horrified that she may be a living dead.

She chuckled at my expression; perhaps I made it too clear on my face. "It hurts when I chew, child, so they bring the nutrition in a needle and it goes straight to my veins." She explained.

I was about to ask her whether someday I would become like that too, or was every case different, when my dinner arrived.

Again, Dr. Ada was there the whole time, watching me like a hawk.

"You were good today." He said to me after my dinner and pills and patted me on the head. "If you can keep this up everyday, I wouldn't have to be supervising you." He said with a smile. "Now, lie down and rest for ten minutes, and it'll be time for that again."

I nodded and leaned back against the fluffy pillows.

Ten minutes later I was back in the same room, and came back to my room two hours later, and again, I fell very tired. Dr. Ada gave me two shots, and then he left me to rest.

This is my life. I realize now, that already, it was worse than two months ago, when I still had conscious most of the day and didn't feel so easily tired. Now, I had about 3 hours of free and conscious life excluding my meal times, and I felt a shuddering chill going through my bones at the thought—knowledge, rather—that it'll only get worse from this point on.

I began to slip half way to dreamland again, and my last thoughts were, _will I wake up tomorrow morning?_ And then, all was lost around me.

**--**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!!**

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**Author's Note: **_I know I never have more than two unfinished story at once, but I have a feeling this story is going to be short, so it'll probably finish the same time as Reality's Difference, so when they are both done, I can finally post I Dare You 2. It was a dark story, I know, I feel very tired even as I was typing it out. Hope it didn't stress you too much and doesn't give nightmares._

_7233 words. Pretty long for first part of a diary._


	2. Daidouji Tomoyo, my Best Friend

**Author's Note: **_I hope the first chapter wasn't too dark for some of you._

)**czakali**( - Actually to clear it up, Sakura's 17 right now, she got sick when she was 16, but now she's 17. :P

)**Manuca**( - It is true, a person can live from (as I have mentioned) as little as two months up to even 15 or 20 years. It all depends on what kind of person they are. So that girl may just have rather lucky. And no, it's impossible to "recovered". You can survive it for a long period of time, but the virus will ALWAYS be there. You've probably just misunderstood what she wrote, because AIDS CANNOT be cured.

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**Chapter Two**

_Daidouji Tomoyo; my Best Friend_

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I did wake up the next morning, and when I did, I wasn't sure whether I should be happy, or sad, or relieved, or just plain nothing. In the end I chose to just feel nothing.

I had my breakfast as usual, a walk in the courtyard, blood circulation, nap, lunch, nap, dinner, blood circulation, another sleep, and when I woke up again, it was the next day again.

Dr. Ada kept his promise and spied on me for exactly two weeks, and when I did nothing wrong, he patted me on the head and said, "That's a good girl. You've been so fine lately, I don't think I'll be coming here to make you feel imprisoned again unless I get a complaint from a nurse." He collected his stuff—he always takes notes on me every time he sees me—and he turned to leave.

"Wait." I said.

"Yes?" He turned around to face me.

There was on question in my mind that bothered me a lot. "Do you think… I can live past my birthday?"

Dr. Ada sighed and wiped his face as if he were very tired. He sat down beside me and patted me gently with understanding eyes. "When's your birthday, dear?"

"April… April 1st."

He closed his eyes and his expression was of weariness. Then without answering, he stood up, and walked away. When he was near the door, he paused, turned to me and said, "We'll see, Sakura." And he was gone.

I leaned back against my bed and I knew what he meant. It's a possibility, but it'll take a miracle. Only if I'm in some super good health will I live till that day. But I also knew that's not likely for me, and he knew it. With that drastic fall on my health a month ago, it took a huge chunk out of my life. And especially with my emotional health and constant mood swings, with the unstableness of my life and constant craving for excitement, I knew I wasn't going to get far.

"I need a miracle…" I muttered to myself. And once again, I found myself crying. The doctor had said it's not healthy for me, and in that brief moment, I felt such a will to live, so I swallowed to stop my tears, but my lips wrenched into a strange position, and I just cried even harder while biting my lips to stop it. This birthday was so important to me because it'll be my eighteenth birthday, I don't want to die without being an adult yet!

But that is not in my control, what is meant to be is meant to be, unless, like I said, by some miracle, a mythical human being suddenly decides to reveal his true powers by inventing a cure for me, otherwise, I have no hope.

I cried softly to myself, at the dread that is to follow.

--

Tomoyo came to visit me that day. Yes, my best friend, Daidouji Tomoyo.

"Oh my sweetheart! Are you all right?" She gushed the first thing when she saw me.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just dying." I replied harshly.

She frowned and there were tears in her eyes. "Please!" She begged. "Don't joke like this! This is as hard on me as it is for you!"

To tell you the truth, back when I was healthy, when I wasn't dying, when I was stable, when I was happy, when I had everything, it was rumoured through school that Tomoyo was in love with me more than just a friend. Thought I was as straight as an arrow, I was still pretty flattered to be loved so deeply by more than just my boyfriend even if the person is a girl.

I never mentioned this to her, though, for a couple of reasons. On, if she _was_ a lesbian, she had started dating guys after I'd gone after 6 different ones. Two, here in Japan, calling someone a dyke is a very offensive insult, and I didn't want to hurt her. And three, I had such a positive view on life before, so it didn't really matter to me that much. And plus, I cared for everything so deeply that I didn't have the heart to trigger anything that could possibly hurt anyone, especially my best friend.

However, now's different. Now, I know if she does something to piss me off, I wouldn't hesitate to break that new to her and would keep pressuring until she cries and breakdown mentally and admits.

"Of course it's hard on you!" I replied sarcastically. "That's why you didn't even goddamn visit me once during the past two months."

She was hurt, as she should be. "I did, Sakura, I visited you six times but all six times you were either unconscious or had too much of a fever to recognize me."

"Oh what a coincident that you had to visit me during those times! I got better and was healthy for a whole fucking month and how come you didn't come then?"

She took a sharp intake of breath—so unused to me swearing. "I… I thought you'd still be sick…"

"Bullshit."

"It's true! You were in a coma, weren't you? You had to have your blood cleaned twice daily, had to have food fed to you through a needle, and… they had to help you with bathroom business…"

I glared at her sharply. "I'm not that sick." I replied.

She shook her head furiously. "No, no, of course not…" She fished in her bag for something and pulled out a tape. "Um, I brought your favourite movie here… I thought, we could watch it together… like we always had…"

"Open you eyes, I don't have a fucking TV."

She smiled weakly although I knew my words frightened her as well as shattered her heart. "Well," she said as cheerfully as she could. "I got permission from the nurses…"

At that moment, a nurse came through the door and pushed a TV along with her. "After you finish watching the movie, I want it back, right away. And if it takes more than three hours, I want it back whether it's finished or not. The TV emits unhealthy rays that's not good for a patient such as you, Sakura." And then she walked away.

I glared at her retreating figure and gave her back my middle finger. I could hear Tomoyo letting out a little squeal.

"Please don't expect me to still be that sweet, stupid little girl you've always known, 'cause she ain't coming back. Ever."

Tomoyo nodded with tears. "I-I don't blame you… really, it's actually quite understandable… it's, it's quite all right, Sakura… but, no matter what happens, you'll always be my best friend."

"Good. 'Cause you shouldn't blame me." I didn't reply to her part about the forever my best friend.

Tomoyo is my best friend, still. Although I treat her worse than shit, she still is. There is a reason why I act the way I do towards her, why I'm more bitchy to her than even to that fucking doctor of mine and all my fake friends.

It's because Tomoyo should be in the same position as me right now. No, she shouldn't be, but _I_ think she should. Because after I told her what I had planned to do with my bastard of a boyfriend, she did the same thing. But she didn't get AIDS. No, it was I, the popular, happy Sakura! It's not fair! I'm more popular than her! I had more friends! It's just so unfair!

I hate her so much. It's so unfair, I shouldn't have to be the only one, she should be in this same fucking room right next to me suffering just as much if not more! I deserve better than her! I am better than her! She should be in my position! I hate her!

No, I don't. I don't hate her… I'm just jealous of her. I wish my bastard of a boyfriend were more like her boyfriend, because for both of them, it was their first time, while for me, no clue how many whores were with that bastard before me.

I took the video cover from Tomoyo as she inserted the tape and then sat beside me.

It was 'Titanic'. Our favourite movie. I remember when we had first watched it when it came out, near the ending of the movie, we were both screaming with streams of water literally exploding out of our eyes, and for the next month or so, every time we talked, the conversation would switch to that, and our voice would become all melancholy and full of angst.

Tomoyo glanced at the old hag, then turned to me, and whispered, "You think we should invite her to watch this with us?"

"No. Her limps are broken so she won't be able to move."

"Oh…" And Tomoyo was filled with even more sadness, and this made me annoyed.

She was supposed to be focusing on me, not that that pile of waste over there. "Watch the damn movie." I told her with a growl.

She nodded. But 5 minutes later, she asked again, "Maybe, we can turn the TV a bit so she can see too?"

"Goddammit STOP! ARE YOU PURPOSELY TRYING TO MAKE ME NOT ENJOY THIS MOVIE???"

"Sorry…" She squeaked and we went back to watching it.

We watched from when Rose first met Jack when he rescued her from committing suicide, how at first Rose didn't want him, but ended up realizing the truth anyways, and how he gave her the ability to fly. The song was playing in the back, and my heart was aching. It's not because my organs are dying, it's because the music was the same as when Jack died.

Such a paradox isn't it? This music, it's slow and sad, at the same time romantic. I remember the first time I watched, my eyes were wet because of how romantic those two seemed, never had I imagined this song could bring such sadness to me after seeing the final of the movie.

I know you would find this hard to believe, but my bastard of a boyfriend and I, used to be just like those two famous lovers. Honestly. When we had first met, and first went out, we couldn't keep apart. We kissed constantly and he showed me nature in a way I could never imagine. He made me realize that everything in this world can be romantic and sweet and suitable for lovers. He brought me gifts and often complimented me. I felt so close to him then, as if we were both the sky of oblivion, intertwined together into one, whole, eternally inseparable being just drifting along in each other's presence, soaking up each other's love… But then… he began to want to go further…

And you know what happened after that.

Tomoyo was sniffing beside me, dabbing at her eyes. I didn't not cry, though normally I would've. My heart is ice. It's made out of stone. Nothing, will ever, move me, to trigger sadness that deserve tears. The icy stone, knows only annoyance, self-pity, and hate. Especially hate.

Rose and Jack are making out in that car, now they're running away from Lovejoy, and finally, they saw the hit of the ice burg. That huge block of doom that would separate all and kill the innocent.

And now, Rose is jumping back into the ship, she cannot bring herself to leave him, and Cal is shooting at them in jealousy.

Before you know, Jack is now floating in the freezing cold water with Rose on that piece of wooden board.

Then… then… Oh God, I'm losing it… Oh dear God… get a grip Sakura! And then… and then… the music… that sound, that romantic sound that's now nothing but sheer broken sorrow… The boat is coming to rescue, rescue Rose… but Jack… Jack… Oh God, Jack! He's dead… gone… like, like I will be… soon…

Get a grip Sakura. C'mon! Stop this! Nothing can move you, remember?

Tears threatened to spill. It's already shocking enough that I had managed to not cry, but I don't know if I can hold it much longer.

Hate. Think of hate. Not sadness. Goddammit, hate somebody!

And then it worked.

I hated.

The hated burned like a never-dying flame inside of my diseased corpse.

I hate Rose.

Fucking bitch.

If she hadn't jumped from that boat onto the ship, it would be Jack right now who's floating on the wooden board, and getting saved, and they'd both live.

My tears immediately left and my heart stopped hurting, it was filled with hot flames devouring me inside out.

I HATE ROSE! THAT DAMN BITCH!! IT'S ALL HER FAULT! STUPID NO-BRAINED BUFFOON! GET A CLUE! IF YOU'RE STUPID AT LEAST KNOW IT! SO THAT YOU DON'T FUCKING MAKE SOME MORE WORTHY PERSON LOSE THEIR LIFE!

DAMN YOU! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! THIS COULD'VE BEEN A HAPPY ENDING! IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR! AND YOU GET TO LIVE TILL LIKE NINETY YEARS OLD AND LOOK UGLY LIKE A FAT ASS FAG SITTING WARMLY WHILE JACK IS DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE DAMN SEA PROBABLY STRIPPED OF ALL FLESH AND LEFT WITH CHEWED UP BONES!

DAMN YOU! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE! DON'T YOU GET IT? HE SAVED YOU AND NOW HE'S DEAD! FUCK YOU! YOU SHOULD'VE JUST DIED WITH HIM THAT NIGHT!

"Sakura?" Tomoyo looked at me frightfully with tears all over her face and neck. The movie had ended with a "happy ending". And I realized I had been breathing too rapidly.

"What?" I snapped.

"You're, you're not crying… aren't you sad, at all?"

And I exploded before I could help it. So much anger building inside me, and one little trigger set it off like an atomic bomb—uncontrollable and dangerous.

"WHAT THE HELL? IS THIS YOUR PLAN HUH? HUH? ANSWER ME DAMMIT! IS THIS WHAT YOU WERE PLANNING TO DO? YOU'RE SICK OF ME NOW, AREN'T YOU? YOU'RE SICK OF THE PERSON I BECAME NOW AND YOU HATE ME FOR IT! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN'T JUST COME ALONG AND TRY TO TRIGGER EMOTIONS IN ME TO CHANGE ME BACK, UNDERSTAND BITCH? I'M NOT JUST SOME CLAY YOU CAN MOLD INTO ANY SHAPE THAT PLEASES YOU!"

"Sakura… I…" More tears poured out of the corner of her eyes, but all I knew was hate. "I just wanted to show you this movie, because it was special to us… I thought you'd like it…"

"LIKE IT MY ASS! AS IF I'M NOT SAD ENOUGH EVERYDAY, YOU HAVE TO BRING ME SOME MOVIE ABOUT PEOPLE DYING WHILE TRYING TO MAKE ME EMOTIONAL AND BACK TO THAT FUCKED UP GIRL I WAS AND PROBABLY GET SOME DISEASE THAT'S LIKE AIDS AGAIN AND QUICKEN MY DEATH!"

"Sakura! No…" She wailed. "You know I would never do that!"

"Now do I?" I replied coldly. But I just couldn't stand looking at her face anymore. I hated her so much! She's alive and well even though we've done only the same things! I hate her! She's supposed to be dying too! I stumbled out of bed roughly and gave her the coldest glare I had ever given anyone throughout my life. "I HATE YOU DAMMIT! YOU FUCKING DYKE I HATE YOU!! YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE BURNING IN HELL WITH ME!!" With one last mad and frustrated glance I ran out the room.

"Sakura!" She called after me.

But I ignored everything, her desperate cries, the restrictions against me leaving the hospital, the fact I had no shoes on and nurses shouting after me.

--

I had no idea how far I had gone or where I was. I just ran and ran, my hospital gown blowing behind me, and the cold woke the conscience up inside of me and blew away my hate. At last I was left empty, no hate, no love, no sadness, no nothing.

By now, I've already ended up beside a highway.

It's daytime, everybody's healthily either at school or at work; the lanes were empty.

Carefully, I touched the bare bottom of my foot on the cold concrete, and then I began walking on the very outside lane. I wasn't afraid, not really, because I figured if a car came, I could always just jump out of the way. I'd hit the ground and scratch myself, but so what?

I walked on and on, maybe for hours, I wouldn't know, I was just walking, lifeless with no thoughts, afraid of my feelings and what rash action I would do next especially on a highway.

The whole while as my foot slowly made its way forward, the wind lifted my hair upwards and sometimes when a strong wind comes, my hospital gown would lift too. But it wasn't that big a deal. After all, it's not like anyone's watching me…

The wind snuck into my dress and brushed by my waist and I shivered, goose bumps forming all over me, but I liked that sensation. I know I'm risking another cold, but it's just way too tempting.

Then I was bored, so I began walking one lane in. Then another, until I reached the last one.

My heart pounded the whole time, every step I took was full of caution and fear. The cars would be driving 120km/h, and I must react real quick if I want to avoid it, and also jump to the right side. There's absolutely no room for mistakes, because it would cost me my life.

For awhile all was still calm, just me, the ground and the wind, the three of us dancing around each other, and I dropped my guard by a notch.

My worst nightmare came true, a car beeped behind me.

In alarming haste, I jumped out of the way and landed on the next lane while the car swooshes past me. To my luck, there was another car on the third lane! Thanks to my years of training as a cheerleader, I sprung to my feet and flipped back to the fourth lane and that car scraped by me with the driver glaring at me with cold sweat through the driver's window.

I shivered at what had happened, and quickly, to be safe, I went back to the first lane.

You'd think that taught me a lesson. But that's far from true. It gave me a bit of a tremble, that that's not going to chicken me away. I continued walking alone. This time, I closed my eyes. If a car was going to come, I'd hear it first before actually seeing it, and with my eyes closed, my hearing senses is stretching to their very limit.

The wind soothed me, lifted my hair, also made me cold. But it just felt so good, like I was nothing, but existence itself. If only this was death. Oh, if this was death, there would be nothing to be afraid of, I would plunge down the tallest mountain and have ten minutes of flying—that feelings through the air, watching the swirling clouds dancing besides me, while others under me are staring in awe, pointing, and I would be like an angel, a blessed goddess here to make everything all right—then become part of eternity.

Something wet and cold touched my right foot.

I opened my eyes and looked down.

Blood. There was blood everywhere. My heart pounded rapidly and the sound seemed to have become an insane, endless echo vibrating against my eardrums. But the horror in that frozen eternal moment had been too great in me for me to hear that rapid pounding.

My foot was soaked in the blood and some even splashed on my leg and seeped into my white hospital gown, I began to shake all over. My eyes were wide and staring—I couldn't close them, and my leg refuses to budge.

I wanted more than anything in that moment to escape this hellish scene, this inhuman place where death leaks forever, but the shock was too great. Even if I'd been healthy with a stable emotional state, I would've stood there like a person iced up from the inside out. So imagine. Imagine now. Use your damn imagination and think about now, when my health is alarming and screaming for attention, when my emotional state is one that can blow up like a volcano from a movie that I've already seen at least 5 times before. I felt so dead then, as if the blood on the ground belonged to me. Even as crazy tears traced down my face, as my hands shook violently, as my legs weakened—but I will not, cannot fall into that blood! My body was stiff in a twisted position.

But my legs began to give in, I did not want to become that blood, it felt alive and as if it would engulf me and I would be contaminated with its fresh death. But my legs wavered, and I fell.

I didn't completely sit into the blood; my hands stopped that. My hands dipped into the blood and now I am a girl with red hands, red feet, wearing a red dress, perfectly prepared for my own funeral. I shook even more violently, the tip of my hair attracting towards that blood, threatening to dip in it.

My arms began to shake too—I will not give in! No! I will not die like this!

Then an ear-splitting screech was suddenly able to drag me out of the sickening situation I set myself in. I turned around to see a car approaching at rocket speed—the driver probably figured a little speeding wouldn't matter on an empty traffic—heading straight down the lane I'm currently standing on.

I don't think I was even able to—even had the time to—comprehend a plan in my mind, but out of instant reaction, I suddenly kick the ground and gripped for the grass on the side.

I landed on my side painfully as the car whooshed by with its window down and the driver screaming.

But it's not over for me yet, because there's a reason why this short landing sent such a strong wave of electrifying pain through me. I had not landed on grass, because I had instead hit something.

I pushed myself up a bit and saw that an antler had been pushed into my ribs.

An antler?

I traced it to the root and saw the face of an old and wise deer. It's injured! That was my first thought. But as I sat up more I realized it was much more than just injured. The entire head had fallen off.

"Oh God… Oh God…" I backed away from its blank, grey eyes in horror, only to trip over something else.

A leg.

The deer's torn leg lay there with buzzing flies. I looked to my left.

A hoof.

I looked to my right.

The body of the deer with one leg and two bleeding thighs still attached.

Even in this immense petrification I suddenly remembered for a brief moment the huge puddle of blood I had been dipped into my seconds before, and seeing the broken corpse of this deer I was able to relate.

I began to choke with tears. Already, breathing was becoming a problem for me.

I felt as if I was trapped in a dimension created by Satan himself to torture all his poor, lonely victims he randomly picks out like a gambling game, or lottery, and I just happen to be the next unfortunate thing that's been warped into his realm where only unimaginable disaster exists.

"I have to get out!" I cried. I thought I had lost the ability to speak, to do anything at all, but apparently not. Gathering the absolutely last command and courage left in me, I pushed my legs straight and ran.

I ran and ran. Running was all I knew. I ran with my eyes closed, begging the devil to have mercy on me just this once, I promise to pay him back for his good deed when I meet him in hell.

Yet, Satan was having too much fun torturing me, especially seeing that his dirty scheme had worked so well and had such an unbelievable big impact on me. He continues to chase me with his dreaded torment.

I began to see flashbacks of the blood and corpse as I ran with eyes closed. It was like a short movie put on 'repeat' as I saw everything over and over again, each time seeming more hellish than the last, each time the blood becomes more and the gashes on the deer became large, until blood became my world, my vision, and filled all my sense, and soon the deer was nothing but a huge gross mass of red tissue with glaring, glassy eyes.

I ran faster, squeezing my eyes shut so hard it hurts. Then one final vision drove me to insanity.

The blood and stringy flesh taped themselves to my eyes so everywhere I looked was that; it danced around my nose so that that was all I could smell, it brushed by my skin so that goose bumps were all over me and I felt surrounded. And finally, it approached me, and I felt it all going into my mouth, touching my tongue, and I somehow swallowed.

I snapped open my eyes screaming to the blue, non-caring sky. My cry echo through the atmosphere and burst around me.

My face was covered with tears, and my mouth with a weird taste.

I began to wipe at my face and cleaning out my tongue. But there were blood on my hand so I only ended up swallowing the dead deer's blood and having my face smudged with it too. Horrified, I began wiping my hands on my gown, so now, my gown was dirty with a red hem and incoherent scary crimson patterns that look much like handprints of someone's last burst of cry for justice.

_Oh God, I have to go home! I have to leave here! I have to go!_ I thought. I ran some more and I arrived at a town, I tried calling someone but I had no money on me, I called the police but I could not tell them where I am, then I began asking people around me to help.

I clutched onto their clothing, crying, begging, going on my knees, touching my head to the ground. But they thought I was psycho and only scurried away in fright.

After two hours I found the town strangely empty, and I realized I was a demon to them. They were all scared of me. I see a huge crowd of people hugging together about 8 houses from me.

I am Satan to them.

I stood there and stopped moving, stopped worrying, stopped fussing and just screamed and cried. Can this get any worse? I'm scared of evil, and now to other, I _am_ evil… Oh dear God! Help me!

I wanted to get away from everyone at that moment, I didn't want fear to dawn on them anymore, I do not need more people suffering like me. I ran into a dark and narrow alley, my shoulders crushing against the brick wall on either side.

And just as I was near the end of the alley, a pain shot up my foot as if someone had drove a sword straight up. "AAAH!!" I screamed and immediately lost my balance.

I hit the wall to my right but jabbed my waist on a metal garbage can and hit my head on the ground.

The pain on my foot was so intense that I was actually not only crying from horror but also from the pain as well.

As carefully as I could, laying sprawled on the ground, with the main street just a few meters away from me, I took my foot tenderly and turned it over.

Another wave of pain rushed through my body and I literally shuddered and let out a little cry.

There was a nail.

It drove right into my foot.

There was blood all over the bottom of my foot.

But there were blood all over my body, hands, dress and legs too.

In this condition it is too difficult to tell what blood belonged to me and what did not.

For all I knew I could have a thousand scratched all over me, all bleeding, and I would've thought they were the deer's blood stained on me.

"HELP ME!" I cried. "SOMEONE, PLEASE!"

Very few people came by to check me out, but when they saw me, they all ran away after a gasp.

"No, don't leave me… don't… leave me…"

I was losing conscious, and I coughed up blood.

I remember before the doctor had told me that metal or steel inside my flesh could cause serious infections.

I stared at the nail inside my foot and a tear dripped on it. I knew what I had to do. There is no other way.

I touched the nail that sank into my foot and I closed my eyes. Counting silently under my breath, shaking violently—_1… 2… 3…_— I pulled it out.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" The pain was so intense it felt worse than when it went into my foot. I wouldn't be surprised if my cry was heard in heaven.

The nail was out but my hand was squeezing it tightly while I rolled helplessly on the ground.

My foot was bleeding continuously from that hole, and then I felt my self being drained. I began to lose. I lost. Lost in oblivion. I am losing to the nothing. Everything began to fade. Feelings, awareness, pain, all of it.

It this what vampire victims feel?

My hair dipped in blood.

The one part of me that I managed to save from liquid death with the last drop of my will—funny I would use the word drop right now—is now failing. It too, now, is contaminated. It's red as well.

All my limbs gave in, and I knew nothing more. No more pain… no more…

--

The room was all white around me. Everywhere there were blinding lights. I tried to move my lips to cry for the desperate thirst that carved my throat, but I found that I could not move at all. My body was numb all over. I could feel my fingers but I have no control over them. It seemed the only thing still functional to me were my eyes. I looked forward to see a cast held up. A little more searching I realized that that was my leg.

I breathed hard and closed my eyes from dizziness.

Someone stirred beside me.

I looked there.

Tomoyo.

She's still here.

She looked like death though, her face white and thin, her hair messy, her makeup all smudged, her cloth crumbled and dirty. It occurred to me that she had probably sat here with me for God knows how long.

"T… Tomoyo…" I managed to say in a rasped voice, then I coughed.

She yawned and saw me through the slits of her eyes. She almost went back to sleep when she saw that I was awake. It made me wonder how long I was out for. "Sakura!" She gasped. "Oh, baby! Are you all right?" She hugged me.

I groaned and bit my lips in pain.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you ok? Do you need anything?" She was all over the place, losing her mind even.

"W-Wa… Wate… Wat…"

"What?" She leaned closer to hear.

I couldn't get the word out so I swallowed dryly.

"You want water?"

I nodded barely. My body was as stiff as a piece of cardboard.

She quickly rushed away, then came back 3 minutes later, but this time, Dr. Ada was with her.

"SAKURA DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA—" He began, but Tomoyo shushed him and handed the cup of water to me gently, but then thought better of it and fed it through my mouth instead.

"Thanks." I coughed a bit after I finished drinking.

Dr. Ada pressed a button and the bed behind me rose up, putting me in a sitting position. I moaned aloud feeling every muscle in me going into a fit and every bone cracking like metal that was craving oil.

He sat by my bed, more furious than I've ever seen him before. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO YOUNG LADY?? DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD'VE DIED? AGAIN! THE SECOND TIME! IRRESPONSIBILITY! GODDAMMIT IF YOU WANT TO DIE THEN JUST TELL ME!"

Tomoyo gasped and patted the doctor and gave me a sympathetic look.

"WE FOUND YOU NEAR A GARBAGE CAN, BLEEDING FROM HEAD TO FOOT, THE BOTTOM OF YOUR FOOT CONTAMINATED WITH GERMS AND VIRUSES AND IT WAS STILL BLEEDING! AND YOU ALREADY SOMEHOW HAD A COLD THEN! WITH YOUR HEART RACING, AND YOUR APPEARANCE LOOKING LIKE A RIPPED APART RAG DOLL!"

I held back a gasp. Had I really been that bad? What happened exactly? I can't really remember… The bottom of my foot? Bleeding? A cut?

"AND WE EVEN FOUND OUT THERE WAS DEER BLOOD ON YOU TOO! PLUS A SCRAPE THAT WAS BLEEDING WITH THE ELEMENT OF A MENTAL FROM A CAR AROUND THE WOUND! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING? KILLING A DEER THEN RAN YOURSELF INTO A SPEEDING CAR?"

A deer? Car? What…

"THE DEER BLOOD WAS ALL OVER YOU! THE SMELL OF ITS FLESH TOO! THERE WAS MORE DEER BLOOD ON YOU THAN YOUR OWN! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING? AND WHY DID YOU EVEN RUN AWAY? ESPECIALLY WITH THESE CLOTHING? BE GLAD THE DEVIL HADN'T CLAIMED YOU!!"

Deer? What deer? What clothing?

Blood. There was blood everywhere. My heart pounded rapidly and the sound seemed to have become an insane, endless echo vibrating against my eardrums. But the horror in that frozen eternal moment had been too great in me for me to hear that rapid pounding.

I blinked. What? The blood… oh, the blood… Oh, the deer!

I landed on my side painfully as the car whooshed by with its window down and the driver screaming.

The highway… I was walking there… the car came by…

The blood and stringy flesh taped themselves to my eyes so everywhere I looked was that; it danced around my nose so that that was all I could smell, it brushed by my skin so that goose bumps were all over me and I felt surrounded. And finally, it approached me, and I felt it all going into my mouth, touching my tongue, and I somehow swallowed.

Oh dear God! The blood! The Devil! The Illusions! The death!

I touched the nail that sank into my foot and I closed my eyes. Counting silently under my breath, shaking violently—1… 2… 3…— I pulled it out.

Oh GOD! THE NAIL WAS DRIVEN INTO ME! GOD!

At that moment, everything became clear to me; I remember everything. And I cried, loud and hard, desperate for the emptiness to come back to me… that emptiness I had known for a while before when all I did daily was cry. I wanted that void, I wanted to be nothingness.

NOTHING CAN MOVE ME! REMEMBER THAT! GOD! NOTHING! I SWORE THAT NOTHING COULD MOVE ME! STOP CRYING DAMMIT!

Dr. Ada stopped yelling and patted me while wiping away my tears gently with his blood-warm hands. "What… what happened, Sakura? What happened?"

I sniffled for another 15 minutes before being able to utter incoherent words.

"I… movie… Titanic… Emotional… Gone, gone with the wind… to leave…"

Tomoyo came to my rescue. "I… I brought a movie with me today to watch with her… it was the movie Titanic. I used to watch it with her all the time when we were younger… but this time, after watching it, she got really emotional, and she was just so messed up and she felt like she was trapped in an evil dimension. She cried, and finally, she couldn't take it anymore and ran away without even putting on her shoes or any other clothing."

I nodded, shaking fiercely all over. They left me alone quietly for another 15 minutes, and I was ready to speak again.

"I, I was walking by the highway… just f-feeling the cool wind soothing, soothing me… and then, all of a sudden, a car came… so I dove away, but I guess it must've scratched me a, a, a l-little anyways… then I w-walked some more… then all of a sudden…" My eyes became glassy and I stopped stuttering and blinking. "Blood. There was blood everywhere. I stepped in it. And I was petrified. But at the same time it was like a powerful magnet. It was pulling me towards it but I would not let it, I tried so hard not to get dipped in the blood, but my hands ended up falling into it."

Dr. Ada was listening to me intently, forgetting the clipboard in his hands and that he was supposed to be taking notes about me.

Tomoyo was just sitting there, frightened, biting her fingernails.

"Then another car came," I continued. "Then somehow the gravity stopped working on me, and I managed to jump to the side… but that wasn't all yet… there were more blood there… That's not all… there was also… a corpse."

Tomoyo squealed, and Dr. Ada looked like he was about to leap out of his chair.

"The eyes were wide and staring, probably been killed for a while but not more than a day… it was a mess, blood everywhere, I felt so frozen… the blood… the thighs… the disconnected head… oh God, the legs had fallen off but the thighs were still attached… oh God!"

Dr. Ada's eyes were wide and he swallowed.

"Oh Christ the fur's colour was different and the antlers were chipped off and—"

He suddenly stopped me. "What?"

"Yeah…" I replied. "The antlers were chipped off…"

"Antlers?!"

"It was a deer… of course it had antlers."

Dr. Ada leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes, then he went back to his clip board, no longer so interested anymore. I wondered at this, but continued anyways.

"And I felt myself being pulled forward, I had to get away, I just had to! Then I ran, somehow I wasn't able to free myself from the magnetic pull, as if gravity became 100x more… but I closed my eyes, and to make it worse, I saw visions of the deer's body, more and more crude each time, large cuts—"

"Sakura, dear," he said, cutting me off. "It's only a road kill."

What?

I stopped. What's going on? He was so interested before… and now, it's _only_ a road kill?

It wasn't hard to figure out, and I'm not stupid.

Hate boiled inside me.

He cared before because the way I described it. He thought it was the corpse of a human being. They were important. The police would be involved, the world would know. But not a road kill. A road kill is something that happens everyday. It does not matter.

I began to breath heavily with rage.

Dr. Ada took no notice of that, and instead, just said casually, "Besides, I think you've imagined some of it too. You did mention you had an illusion following right after. After all, road kills are rarely this bad."

It was at this that my rage was put on hold. He did have somewhat of a point. Besides, I couldn't remember very well anyways. For all I knew the truth I believed to be the 'truth' could've been the flicker of my imagination mixed with the truth that somehow became my version of truth for me.

"Now, for more serious matters." Dr. Ada said, looking at me, leaning back in his chair. "Is what happened to you. You ought to know, and take some more responsibility." He bit out icily.

I nodded, acknowledging him.

"You were found by the police. It's a good thing you called them, because knowing a child was lost, they began a search party, and soon found you here. Immediately they check out your identification and found out that you were a severe patient at the Royal Family General Hospital, and quickly delivered you here.

"You had a cold, blood all over you, and problems breathing.

"We had no idea if you were going to survive or not, with so much disease inside of you, and you were barely alive anyhow. But we had to let you live, and in order to do so, we went beyond what we've ever done before."

I swallowed, and he looked at me, before continuing.

"First we cleaned you, all your cuts, gave your about 15 different immunity shots, you didn't feel anything because you had slipped into yet another coma. We rubbed burning alcohol and drugs all over your wounds. Then, came the real test.

"Taking out half of your blood and switching it with the non-diseased one wouldn't be enough this time, you'd die before it even starts to take effect. We need more blood in you, blood that's healthy, that is.

"This was purely experimental, because we had never done this before, well, we had never had the need to do this before… Anyhow, this time, we took so much blood out of you, there were about 1/8 of your own blood left, and you were on the verge of death.

"Your heart was going mad! We had to fill the blood in you quickly, but it wasn't quick enough. Your heart stopped."

I gasped, and felt a cold shudder coming over me.

"But wait, you didn't die yet, my dear, as you are perfectly alive right now. Because after a strong shock, some delivered oxygen and more blood quickly filled, you somehow drew another breath and we got a heartbeat, and you lived. We were all so relieved!"

I bit my lips. "You took me as an experiment? I had already died? WHAT IS THIS YOU'RE TELLING ME? YOU TOOK ABOUT SEVEN EIGHTH OF MY BLOOD?? OH DEAR GOD! I CAN'T COMPREHEND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!"

But Dr. Ada didn't comfort me; he only continued to talk. "That's not all."

Oh darling Jesus. That's not all? What language is this crazy idiot speaking? That's not all? What the hell does that mean? How much worse can you get??

"Do you know why there is a bandage around your foot?"

I rolled my eyes. "I stepped on a nail, duh."

"Wrong. If you only stepped in a nail it would've healed by now." He rubbed his temple. "It was left there for too long, the disease was spreading and some sort of germ started a headquarter at that cut. We had to perform surgery."

Surgery? No! That's not possible! Surgery is only for those really sickly desperate people!

_But wouldn't you be considered desperate?_ A small voice asked.

I stayed silent.

"That's not the worst part, however."

NOT THE WORST?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?

"We had to cut off a lot of your flesh, and I think we may have scraped a nerve and maybe chipped a bone. Depends on how healthy you are, and how well you'll recover, you may, or may not, ever be able to walk with that leg again."

"What…" It refused to comprehend. I refuse to believe that! I refuse to understand what he's speaking…. NO! I CANNOT BE CRIPPLED FOR LIFE!

Tomoyo clutched my hand and wiped her tears with it. "No…" I whispered helplessly. "No… Oh God no…" I think I'm really going in shock. Everything was spinning. I may never walk again… Oh God, all because of that movie, my stupid 'hate', now this is the price I have to pay?

Feeling sick to my stomach, if not half lifeless, I asked the doctor a question, doing anything to distract my mind. "Date… time… the thing… I slept… the time…" I couldn't use my grammar anymore; my brain is screwed. "Time I… the slept… coma thing… long… how… how coma… the time…"

Dr. Ada thought for a bit. "You mean, how long were you in a coma?"

I nodded vigorously, not really knowing what I'm doing though.

He sighed some more and he looked so tired. "Normally, it would've been a month, but with the surgery, the extreme blood exchange, all the pills you're taking, the shock you're going through and all, it's been a bit more over 3 months…"

Three months? Three… three?

"The current date is December 14th."

I felt so screwed.

"And, just thought I should let you know, dear, you're no longer allowed outside of this room anymore, that means even the courtyards are off limit."

I had surgery.

The blood in me doesn't belong to me.

I might not walk.

I'm going to be caged in forever.

I was out for over three months.

I swallowed and the pain welled up.

I wept.

**--**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!!**

**--**

**Author's Note: **_Poor Sakura, her life is going straight downhill._

_Looks like I survived Florida. Next chapter we meet Li Syaoran. And someone else._

6840 Words… Quite a long diary… 


	3. Janstone Kevin, HIM

**Author's Note: **_I'm updating this before Valentine's Day because my friends are planning something for me (although it's more suitable for April Fools) and by extreme warning they said my computer may crashed, and even if I were able to stop that from happening, they said the 'physical' damage will be done. Dammit, pray for me._

)**Manuca**( - Oooo… Okay I get it now… that makes more sense… you know, I tend to think that it's kind of cruel interviewing sick AIDS patient to make a video to show teenager and encourage them not to have sex. But have they ever thought what that does to the actual patient? How exactly would they be feeling as they feel themselves dying but having to talk about it? I find that sort of cruel… Yeah… it's hard finding friend like Tomoyo… staying with you for so long… I have to agree with you, Sakura is being a bit… okay, a lot of a bitch, unappreciative, self-centered and filled with jealousy. But hey, some people take things worse than others…

)**LadyAkina**( - Yeah, I think that was the paradox in this… she wants to die because her life is just so horrible, but the reason for it being so horrible is because she's afraid of death. Which path should she take? It's a no-two-way (That's not a word is it…).

-

**Chapter Three**

_Janstone Kevin; …HIM…_

-

I sat by my window at early morning. The sky was covered with a silhouette of darkness. Slowly, as I waited patiently by my bed, the sun peeked through as its brilliant red light shone upon its surrounding and lit that dark shadow.

Everything was beautiful. Leisurely, the sky went from dark red, to pinkish yellow, till it was bright blue, and I knew morning had arrived. The air looked so fresh today, the sun bounced its light onto clean droplets of water lingering on the leaves outside my window from last night's rain. The fresh, green plants wavered in the gentle breeze, as colourful butterflies and happy ladybugs crawled around, bathed in the sun.

Happy little boy and girls with their parents walked around on the clean and delicious grass. It's really a miracle it's still so warm around this time of the year, but that just adds to the colour of this lovely scenery.

It's an attractive weather outside, and it's just a perfectly normal day, where everybody's happy, and just the mere sight of this makes me want to sigh in pleasure.

Oh. Who am I kidding?

About two weeks and a little ago, I regained conscious. Today is December 25, Christmas, and I'm spending it all alone.

Ever since I had woken up, had known that I may be crippled, I had not moved from my bed. I was afraid. They removed the bandage from my foot but I demanded to have it put back on—I cannot stand the sight of it.

Since then, I've stayed in this bed. Tomoyo had done her share of work, and I suppose it's okay that she left after I was conscious. But I still think it was rather selfish of her to not stay for three more weeks. I mean, at least leave after Christmas.

I sit by my bed everyday and watches the clouds drift past me in the same motion over, and over again. I was so bored, that I even took the advice from the doctor—to at least _try_ to be happy and see the better of life. I tried, I really did. At the beginning I tried to think about the bright, beautiful weather outside… but I can't! I really can't be happy! How can I? I sit on my bed day after day, waiting for death, and not even one person visits me. Not even on Christmas! What kind of life is this? And why am I dying? _WHY_?

Okay, get a grip of yourself dammit! Happy! Be happy!

I sighed. The only thing I'm looking forward to is what Tomoyo and father told me. They said they were terribly sorry to not be able to come on Christmas, because dad had a party to attend and Tomoyo was going to spend it with her boyfriend. But they did say they were going to make it up to me on New Year's Eve by bringing me the best present I could ask for.

Best present? Psssshhh. There's nothing I want right now but life.

"Sakura?"

I looked at the door. A nurse walks in with a present in her hands. She smiles at me and settles the present down on my legs. "Merry Christmas Sakura, here's your present from Santa."

I rolled my eyes. Santa my ass. Like I still believe shit like that. Nevertheless, seeing as I had nothing else to do, I accepted the gift with a nod and stripped off its wrappings.

It was a white teddy bear the size of my chest with a huge red bow tied on its front. It grinned foolishly at me. I stared right back at it. "You don't look like you have any problems in life…" I told it.

The bear continued to stare with its black eyes and smile.

"You're no use to me if you can't talk with me, you know…"

It stayed the same.

I sighed and pushed it onto my bed stand. I must be incredibly lonely to be talking to a stuffed animal.

"You don't like it?" The nurse asked with a frown.

I looked at her for a long time before answering. "I've had better presents." I replied.

"Well, if there's something you like, I may be able to get it for you." She said with a cheerful grin. "It is, Christmas after all."

"Sure, I think liquor would be nice."

She immediately lost her smile. "Listen to me Sakura, sometimes I wish you would just be more like a normal person instead of acting like this. You're only making it harder on yourself by being this way. I would've got you something if you had wanted a proper notebook (she looked at the diary resting in my lap) but no, you have to ruin this didn't you. Can't you for once be good? You think just because you're a dying patient you can get whatever you want? We're trying to help you! Understand that! But you're not cooperating!" She then looked a little guilty for yelling at me like that, then took out another box from the cart she pushed in with her and handed it to me. "Oh, and a delivery from your father and a certain Tomoyo. And Sakura, I do hope you'll consider being responsible for yourself for once. We really _are_ trying to help you."

Then she walked away to that living corpse and gave her a present too.

I unwrapped my second gift. What could Tomoyo and father have thought up? Is this the ultimate gift? Early delivery, perhaps?

I threw the sparkling wrapping paper on the ground as the present was revealed.

A picture frame.

I flipped it over, wondering what could this be a picture of and why would it be so special to me.

Slowly, I turned it over, the glass reflecting light in my eyes temporarily.

But when I saw the picture, I almost screamed.

I covered my mouth and swallowed painfully.

NO! HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME?

Unable to looking upon it any longer, I looked away at anything but the picture.

THIS IS MY ULTIMATE GIFT? _THIS_?

I looked back at the picture one more time and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

Slowly, one drop after another, it dripped on the clear glass, blurring the picture.

"Why…" I muttered painful. "Why are you here with me? WHY? DAMMIT I HATE YOU!" Roughly, I threw the picture frame against the wall. The shattered pieces of glass cut into the smiling faces of me, and my bastard of a boyfriend.

The broken shards cut through the photo, yet his arms remained around my shoulder, my head was still tilted against his chest, and we were still smiling.

What is the meaning of this? Why would Tomoyo send me something like this? How could father approve of it? Surely, they can't think I'd still want to see him! But I do! Oh, I do! But I can't stand it; I can't stand seeing old memories of us smiling while still living in my current position! I do still want to see him! Oh why, oh why?

Slowly, I retrieved the teddy bear I'd thrown away and hugged it to my chest, burying my face in its fuzzy head, tears sliding down, soaking into the fur. "Only you can understand me now…"

-

The same cycle passed for another 5 days or so. I'm not really sure because I'm losing my count. When everyday the only things you can see are living corpses, people dressed in white, the sun, the grass and your own blood taking out over and over in the same pattern, you tend to lose track.

The only thing I do know about today is that it's New Years Eve. My ultimate gift still hasn't arrived yet and I wondered if it ever will.

I woke up at 7-o-clock in the morning. The clouds went from dark grey to a more distinguished white against the blue-greyish sky. It's not the best of days I've seen today, very humid outside… I think it might rain soon.

Little kids with diseases like a simple cold or a mere fever laughed and played around by my window, plucking out flowers, rolling in the green grass, all looking fat and chubby in their layered clothing.

Why do I have to lay here and watch them? They all look the same anyways. Short. Stupid. Dumb. Alive. Maybe I would be woken up more if that little girl came back… I've never seen her again after my outburst at her mother, and I've never found out her name… Oh, if only she knew how sorry I was! I do want to see her, I do! I would ask her for her name, and bring her a present better than she'll ever get from Santa! I'll spend my last drop of money on her just to see her smile.

I don't know when this particular little girl has meant so much too me, except the minute she disappeared, wailing away from my life, I wanted her back. I wanted more than anything to say I'm sorry and hug her and to know that she forgives me. Maybe it's because I was so horrible to her and it's guilt, or maybe it's because she was so much like myself… the old me, that is.

I lay back down and stared at the white ceiling. What would her mother name her? A happy child like that… she doesn't seem completely Japanese… she looked like she's half eastern half western… her dad must be from England or France or America or somewhere around there. What would be a good name for her? Kaylee… but spelt Cayleigh… or… Leesa… or Irina… but Deanna would also be a nice name… but I think I like Cayleigh the most… it reminds me of gentle snow for some reason… the girl's a bit too hyper to be called gentle… but Irina sounds a bit too old for her and Leesa's a bit too typical… I doubt her name would be Sakura… so I guess I'll call her Cayleigh. Yeah, that's a good name. See? Her and I could've been best friends if she were born a couple of years earlier. I know her name even without her telling me. We're telepathically connected.

I blinked my eyes trying to stay awake. The warm sun was making me drowsy, and with nothing to do around here, I was a poor victim to sleep.

Fighting with all my might, I felt my eyes closing, and closing, and closing, until I was no longer aware of anything.

-

Someone was shaking me.

Who?

"Hey, Sakura, wake up…"

I rubbed my eyes and sat up straight. But I made a mistake when my left foot kicked my right leg by accident. A jolt of pain traveled up and through my body and I bit my lips so hard from pain that they bled a little. I saw another nurse with a happy smile looking at me. She looks familiar. Then again, all nurses look the same to me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"My dear, it's 5 in the afternoon, and you have a visitor. The person has been waiting for you to wake up for 3 hours now, and poor soul, I decided to wake you up before that person decides to leave."

"Why do you refer to him or her as 'that person'? Who the hell is it?"

"Now, that's wasn't very nice… people are usually glad to get visitors…"

I yawned. "They probably wanted another Sakura. No one would come and visit me." I replied.

"Oh, yeah?" She challenged with a grin. "Unless there' s another person in this hospital name Kinomoto Sakura, born on April 1st, currently seventeen years old, dad's name Fujitaka, brother Touya and a mom whom best not to talk about as that person had said, it's you, my darling."

I sat up a bit straighter. Who would be visiting me? I knew for a fact that Tomoyo and father wouldn't come… Touya would be busy with Yukito, and my other friends were probably having a party at Tomoyo's house… who on earth would come? And where's my New Year's Eve extra special present? Did the mailman get shot halfway through delivery? He'd better not! I need my present! "Who is it?"

"According to your father and this person, it's to remain a surprise until you see this person." She replied.

I rolled my eyes. "Let them in."

"Of course." She walked out the door to get 'the person'. But I called her back first. "Wait! Are they carrying a present with them?"

"No, they came empty handed." She replied by the door.

"Okay, you can keep walking now."

She nodded and was gone from view.

So the person didn't bring the present with them. When is that damn present going to arrive? And what is it? 'Cause I really need something to keep me awake in this white hell.

Two minutes later the nurse peeked in. "The person's here." She grinned mischievously.

But the person didn't come in. Instead, another nurse came in, helped the living corpse into a wheel chair and pushed her away, out of the room.

"What the hell? Is this person who's coming in bringing carbon monoxide to kill me that's why you're saving all the patients worth saving right now?" I asked.

"No, silly!" She giggled. "You'll see soon, well, enjoy the rest of the night!" She gave a tall, dark shadow a push and quickly shut the door.

I didn't look at this person; I closed my eyes just as that person came in. But I saw enough to know that it's a guy. So who the hell is this? If it was dad or Touya I'd've known… so who is this person? "Don't tell me." I said to him. "Let me guess who you are."

He didn't reply but I'm guessing he nodded.

"Are you… Yukito?"

"No."

Damn, that voice is way too manly to be Yukito… it's almost as manly as my brother's… and that's saying a lot… "Do I know you?"

"I certainly hope you haven't forgotten me…"

"Are you a friend of me or my brother?"

"You."

I'm really running out of ideas. Who could this person be?

Little by little, I lifted my eyelid and stared at the muscular figure standing in front of me. He had dark brown hair gelled so that his bangs were standing straight up, with dark green eyes staring back at me intently. A generous lip that did not show emotion, he hunched slightly forwards with his large hands inside his black jeans pocket, which matched his worn out black shirt.

My hand came over my mouth. "Oh, my God…" I backed away from him not meaning to. But I really could not stop staring at him. "What happened to your voice?"

He gave a tiny smile as he walked closer towards me timidly and unsurely as he shrugged. I backed away some more unintentionally. I could not be near him… the mere sight of him makes me shiver, makes me want to kill, makes me crave death, makes me weak with sorrow, and makes me soaked with love. It's not healthy having one person to have the ability to activate so many emotions in me at once. "I guess I've grown." He said.

I don't think I can get used to that voice. This deep, manly voice only adds to his attractiveness and I could not stand any longer. I shook my head at him. "No, no… no! You're not here! It's an illusion!" I sniffed. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE, JANSTONE KEVIN?"

He winced. "You know I don't like it when people call me by my full name…"

"YEAH? AND I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN BASTARDS WHO ABANDONS ME SUDDENLY BARGES BACK INTO MY LIFE!" Shut up Sakura! Shut up! Stop yelling at him! You still love him! Don't drive him away, even if this is a dream!

His guilty expression suddenly changed and his face showed no emotion whatsoever. He stared at me without words for three whole minutes, and for the three whole minutes, I shivered and cried inside in pain as well as to him. I tried so hard to break away from his powerful eyes but I felt locked to him, I could not move, even though I was quivering visibly from head to toe. "You understand I hate it when people yell at me. I deserve respect."

I swallowed fearfully, but I could not tell him I loved him so much even if the only thing I could think of was kissing his lips, and even if every time I look at his chest I only ended up visualizing what's underneath. He broke up with me; he gave me AIDS, YET I HATE MY FRIENDS AND NOT HIM! NO! HE DESERVES A PIECE OF MY MIND! "NO, DAMMIT!" I screamed at his face. "NO! DON'T YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY! I CAN TREAT YOU HOWEVER THE FUCK I LIKE UNDERSTAND YOU BASTARD? YOU OWE ME, YOU OWN ME BIG TIME! YOU OWE YOUR FUCKING LIFE! YOU GAVE THIS FUCKING DISEASE TO ME THAT'S WHY I'M DYING SO MISERABLY RIGHT NOW! DAY AFTER DAY, I SIT BY THE WINDOW WATCHING THE FUCKING SUN AND CLOUDS, EVERYDAY I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO BUT HAVE MY BLOOD TAKEN OUT AND SLEEP! AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO ME? YOU'RE MAD AT ME FOR SOME STUPID FUCKING RESPECT SHIT?

"LISTEN KEVIN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL, YOU SHOULD BE FEELING SO MUCH GUILT RIGHT NOW, YOU SHOULD BE TREATING ME LIKE YOUR QUEEN! AND VERY MUCH FUCKING ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR DUMPING ME AT MY MOST CRUCIAL MOMENT ESPECIALLY SINCE THE CAUSE WAS YOU! CAN YOU COMPREHEND WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU, HUH YOU PRICK? DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR FUCKING ATTITUDE BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT! YOU OWE ME, YOU OWE ME EVERYTHING THAT A PERSON CAN OWE ANOTHER! YOU OWE ME YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE!" My hands were shaking so badly as I screamed, I could feel them bouncing off the sheets of my bed repeatedly, but I had more trouble coming my way.

I was so foolish to think Kevin would just take my bullshit, eat it on a spoon with a smile on his face like Tomoyo and father and Touya had done for me so many times. I was so foolish. Kevin's not a family member; he's not a nice or responsible guy if he were to abandon his girlfriend after he gives her AIDS!

His expression grew grave as he took another step closer. I could feel my heart pounding like crazy as I glued myself to the edge of my bed stand; I wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

"Do not, give that bullshit to me, understand bitch?" I didn't say anything. "UNDERSTAND?" He screamed with raw madness. "I OWE YOU? I DON'T OWE YOU A FUCKING THINK YOU LOW-LIFED WHORE! IT'S YOUR OWN FUCKING FAULT YOU GOT AIDS AND I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I DIDN'T RAPE YOU! YOU AGREED TO HAVE SEX WITH ME THEREFORE YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR YOUR OWN ACTION! YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS ONE THING I HATED SO MUCH ABOUT YOU! YOU CAN NEVER ADMIT ANYTHING TO BE YOUR FAULT! BACK THEN YOU WERE THAT FUCKING POPULAR BITCH AND PEOPLE COVERED UP FOR YOU, BUT NOW, I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH! WHY DO YOU THINK NO ONE VISITS YOU? BECAUSE YOU WERE SO FUCKING SELFISH AND OBLIVIOUS TO OTHERS' FEELINGS! THE ONLY REASON THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU THEN WAS BECAUSE YOU WERE POPULAR! BUT DEEP DOWN, NOBODY LIKES YOU, AND THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES, YOU HATE HER AND TREAT HER LIKE SHIT! YOU'RE A COMPLETE LOW-LIFED SELFISH SLUT! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT OTHERS!"

Did he have to do this? I could feel the tears running down my cheeks rapidly, I could feel my eyes wavering. Did he have to hit me right on my weakest points? He could've talked about anything but this! But this was Kevin, the boy who was always a winner, always one step ahead of everybody else, always with the information to control everybody like his puppet. But I didn't care right now, as much as I could not stop imagining his kisses, him shirtless, his beautiful body, I will not give in to him, I will not be that Sakura who would just cry at everything and wait for something to comfort me, because this time, there is no one to comfort me! I'm all alone in this world, and this final war, is one I have to fight all by myself.

"ME? A LOW-LIFED PRICK? SELIFISH? SELFISH IS ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOU! YOU DON'T DUMP YOUR GIRLFRIEND AFTER SHE'S GOT SOME DISEASE THAT SHE GOT FROM YOU! YOU STICK BY HER SIDE EVEN IF SHE'D GOTTEN IT FROM SOME OTHER BASTARD! NEVER MIND YOU STILL GOING OUT WITH ME, YOU DIDN'T EVEN _VISIT _ME ONCE FOR A WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR! PEOPLE LIKED ME, OKAY? YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I WAS MORE POPULAR THAN YOU BACK THEN! I HAD MORE FRIENDS! PEOPLE LIKED ME MORE THAN YOU! I WAS ANYTHING BUT SELFISH! I CARED ABOUT PEOPLE AND IN RETURN THEY CARED ABOUT ME! I WASN'T BORN POPULAR YOU KNOW! IT WAS BECAUSE OF MY GENEROSITY THAT THEY ALL WORSHIPPED ME! UNLIKE YOU! PIECE OF DOG SHIT VOMITED FORTH WHEN CREATION WAS LOOKING THE OTHER WAY, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME! IN FACT I GAVE YOU HALF THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE NOW! WITHOU ME, THEY WOULDN'T'VE EVEN BOTHERED TALKING TO SICK TRASH LIKE YOU!"

"DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING TALK TO ME THAT WAY YOU FUCKING HOE! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO POPULAR THAT WAY? YOU'RE JUST POPULAR BECAUSE YOU DATED SO MANY GUYS AND YOU WERE A CHEERLEADER! THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO YOU! YOU'RE STUPID, YOU DON'T NOTICE ANYTHING, YOU HAVE NO BRAIN, AND THE WORD 'OTHER' WAS NEVER IN YOUR VOCABULARY! I'M SELFISH? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GO OUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE SENTENCED TO DEATH? THERE WAS NO POINT! YOU DARE SAY YOU'RE NOT SELFISH! NOT ONLY ARE YOU FUCKING DYING—AS YOU DESERVE—YOU MUST MAKE EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU SUFFER JUST AS MUCH! LOOK AT TOMOYO, SHE SPENDS DAY AND NIGHT CRYING ABOUT YOU, AND EVERYTIME SHE VISITS YOU, SHE COMES BACK EVEN WORSE THAN BEFORE! YOU'RE TEARING HER APART AND YOU FUCKING LOVE IT! YOU LOVE WATCHING OTHERS IN TORMENT YOU SELFISH DEVIL! YOU'RE THE MOST WICKED CREATION GOD HAS EVER MADE AND A CURSE ON EVERYONE WHO'S EVER KNOWN YOU! A TRUE UNSELFISH PERSON WISHES HAPPINESS FOR OTHERS SO THAT THIS WORLD'S SUFFERING CAN BE REDUCED TO A MINUMUM! BUT YOU STILL FUCKING WANT TOMOYO AND ME AND THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCHOOL TO FUCKING SUFFER WITH YOU!"

"SHUT UP!" I screeched. "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!"

"NO! CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE? I'M ONLY TELLING YOU THE SIMPLE TRUTH! IS IT FINALLY SINKING INTO YOUR DENSE BULLSHIT FILLED HEAD?"

"FUCK YOU KEVIN! SHUT THE FUCK UP! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE OF MISERY FOR ME; I JUST WANT YOU TO BE A BIT MORE RESPONSIBLE! BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT I CAUGHT THE DISEASE FROM YOU!"

"FROM ME? YOU HAVE NO PROVE OF THAT YOU FUCKING SLUT! FOR ALL KNOW, YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN IT FROM ANY ONE OF THE BOYS YOU'VE FUCKED BEFORE ME AND THEN PASSED IT ONTO ME!"

"AAAAAAAH! KEVIN! FUCK YOU!" I screamed uncontrollably. I cannot believe he just said that! NO! HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! HOW DARE HE? HE'S ACCUSING ME OF PASSING IT ONTO HIM? HE WAS MY FUCKING FIRST TIME! "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME BACK! YOU TWO FACED LIAR! YOU WERE MY FIRST TIME AND DAMN DID I REGRET THAT! I CANNOT BELIEVE I WOULD SCREW SOME SPAT OUT GARBAGE LIKE YOU!"

"YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT BITCH, SHOWS WHO YOU REALLY ARE INSIDE! YOU WOULD SCREW EVEN GARBAGE, SO WHAT HAVEN'T YOU SCREWED YET, HUH, YOU PROSTITUTE? YEAH, THAT'S THE PERFECT NAME FOR YOU! SOMEONE WHO HAS NO BRAIN LIKE YOU! YOU HAVE NO FUTURE! YOUR ONLY WAY TO SURVIVAL IS BEING A PROSTITUTE! THAT'S THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD AT! YOU'LL SCREW AN 80 YEAR-OLD MAN IF HE PAID YOU HIGH ENOUGH WOULDN'T YOU? AFTER ALL, IF GARBAGE IS SCREWABLE IN YOUR DEFINITION WHAT THE FUCK'S NOT?"

"KEVIN! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS FROM YOU! SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! SHUT UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

"NO! JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T STAND THE TRUTH, DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING BACK OFF SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU SAID SO! I'M NOT YOUR SLAVE AND YOU BETTER GET THAT THROUGH THAT THICK HEAD OF YOURS BEFORE I HAVE TO BEAT THAT INFORMATION IN! YOU STARTED THIS FIGHT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD MAKE ME GUILTY. WELL NEWS FLASH! YOU AREN'T ALWAYS THE ONE IN CONTROL! IN FACT YOU NEVER WERE, NOBODY EVER DARED TO TELL YOU THEIR TRUE OPPINION IS ALL!"

"KEVIN YOU SHUT THAT TRAP OF YOURS RIGHT NOW!"

"NO! YOU DESERVE AIDS! YOU DESERVE TO DIE! YOU'RE ONLY DOING A FAVOUR TO EVERYONE ELSE, SO AT LEAST BE GLAD ONE PART OF YOU IS NOBLE, EVEN IF IT'S YOUR DEATH!"

"SHUT UP! I WANT TO HEAR NOTHING OUT OF YOU!"

"NO! BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR ME OUT GOOD! I'M SO SICK OF YOUR BULLSHIT AND I'M HERE TO STAND UP FOR ALL THOSE WHO HAVE SUFFERED ON YOUR BEHALF AND THAT INCLUDES EVERYONE YOU'VE INTERACTED WITH! NOW YOU FINALLY KNOW THE TRUTH, BUT YOUR HEAD IS TOO DENSE TO ACCEPT IT AND YOU'RE JUST WAY TOO FUCKING SELF-ABSORBED TO REALIZE THAT YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO PERFECTION! YOU WOULD SHOVE YOUR FACE UP YOUR OWN ASS IF IT COULD MAKE YOU MONEY! YOU'LL STOOP AS LOW AS HUMAN RACE HAS EVER DARED TO EXPLORE, THAT'S HOW FUCKED UP YOU ARE!"

"SHUT UP KEVIN! SHUT UP! I CAN'T ARGUE LIKE YOU CAN, BUT I DO HAVE ONE THING TO SAY TO YOU! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME FOR ONE SIMPLE REASON, PEOPLE WITH A HEART DO NOT LEAVE THOSE THEY LOVE!"

"BUT I NEVER LOVED YOU!"

Then there was silence.

Our berserk yelling stopped, and Kevin's eyes were wide as if he had accidentally let something slip.

I simply sat there and bit my quivering lips. "W-What?" I asked, stunned. No, he didn't say that!

He sat down on the living corpse's bed, his hand that was flaring wildly above him and pointing accusing fingers just a minute ago are now fidgeting in his lap. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead as he looked anywhere but my eyes. "Let's, let's talk about something else…" His voice was suddenly soft.

"No… NO! EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ME!" A fresh round of tears smeared my face pitifully. No words can describe my feelings right now. It feels like some evil being is trapped within in my heart, and I would rip my heart in two just to be released of it! I would almost do anything! But I can't die just yet… what does Kevin mean dammit, he never loved me? NO! IT WAS JUST A SPUR OF THE MOMENT!

"I…" He looked down. "You win the argument, let's talk about something else…"

"No! I deserve to know the truth! You can spit all those venomous words at me and now all of a sudden when it involves you, you can't? Don't be a wimp!"

"FINE! But I'm no wimp! I'm saving your from pitiful sorrow, but you're asking for this!"

I glared at him coldly. "Hit me with all you've got."

"There is nothing! I never loved you! I wasn't half as popular as you were, but I knew I wasn't bad looking and I could probably seduce you easily. I went out with you, made a bunch of new, cooler friends, more girls liked me, and I became popular. Then I wanted to screw you 'cause I would be the man to have fucked 'The Sakura'. All my new cooler friends all thought getting laid was pretty damn funny so I did it too… it's not like I haven't done it before… I wasn't popular but I knew I was good looking and I did get around to quite a few girls, you just gave my popularity a boost especially after I screwed you."

I could not believe my ears at that moment, I was positive someone modified it. "You… you-you, y-you l-l-li-lie…" I chocked. "YOU LIE!" I CANNOT HAVE LOVED AND STILL LOVE A BASTARD LIKE THIS, NO!

"I'm not lying." His said coldly. "I told you not to ask for it but you had to, now I'm telling you the truth and you can accept it."

I hugged my legs to my chest but because I was so skinny I felt hallow. Then I reached out and grabbed that white bear I got for Christmas and hugged its chubby body against mine. I sobbed uncontrollably as my shoulders shook rapidly and unstoppably. "You… you lie…" I hiccupped.

"No, I don't. Why can't you get that through your thick head? You think the world should always work perfect for you. Well news flash, it doesn't."

"No…" I denied again. "YOU LIE! IF YOU TRULY DID NOT LOVE YOU WOULDN'T'VE CAME TO BE WITH ME FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE!"

"IT WAS A BEG FROM YOUR DAD AND TOMOYO!"

This was the second big shock I found out tonight. I felt so struck I could hardly sit straight even though I was leaning against my bed stand and the wall behind me. I could feel my entire body going limb. I pinched my right leg mercilessly just to feel that immense pain. I was desperate enough right now to do anything but to let what Janstone Kevin had just said ring in my ears.

"It was only a request from father and Tomoyo… you didn't come by freewill…."

He sighed. "I didn't mean to tell this to you, Sakura… but with my personality, the one that always, that must win, I would do anything and sometimes blurt out the most painful things…"

"Oh God…" I prayed crying harder. This was my special New Year's Eve gift? _THIS_? THIS IS THE ABSOLUTELY WORST PRESENT—SHUT UP! Don't say that Sakura… they didn't know this was going to happen… if you blame them right now then everything Kevin said about you would be true… and this is the last thing you need! They _did_ find the thing you love most for you… it's only because this damn thing is too spoiled that it's turning to be such a backfired present… but they meant well…

Oh, how could I have not known? That picture frame on Christmas… it was hint! I should've seen this coming, I should've!

I continued crying as Kevin continued sitting there on the living corpse's bed and watched me. He didn't comfort me, or even say a word, he watched me cry.

-

I didn't stop, I couldn't. Every time I thought it was going to be okay, I kept hearing his voice ringing over and over and over again through my mind, those two cruel sentences that proved he really never loved me.

Then suddenly, a hand was on my shoulder. I looked up groggily with red and tried eyes. "What do you want?" I asked coldly.

He hesitated, but only a bit, then held out two elegant glass cups and a bottle of red wine. "It's 11:55 now, Sakura, New Year's approaching. You want to start things off good, right?"

"I don't know if I'm going to make it past New Year…" I muttered.

"Oh please, don't be ridiculous, you'll be able to live past your birthday in your current position, I mean looked at you—" Then he paused, as I stared up at him with dead eyes. Yeah, look at me. What's there to see? White skin, dead eyes, pale lips, skin directly on bones, unhealthy balance and etc. There was nothing, nothing at all, healthy about me. "Well, you're going to live past your birthday." Was what he said instead.

He poured two cups of wine and handed a glass to me.

For the first time since a whole entire year he sat down right next to me. So close I could feel his warm skin and smell his masculine scent. Still, we said nothing to each other.

We waited, and waited.

10…

9…

8…

7…

6…

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

And fireworks shot up into the sky.

At that precise moment I clinked glasses with him as we both took a sip of our wine, well, actually I gulped down all of mine in one gulp, hoping to swallow my misery along with it.

But obviously one mouthful wasn't going to do, and I went to grab the entire bottle.

"Sakura…" Kevin reasoned trying to get the bottle out of my hands.

"SHUT UP! JUST LET ME BE!"

He paused for a bit then shook his head in disgust and let me do as I wish as he drank another bit of his wine.

I took the entire bottle and I began to drink. It made me dizzy and my head and my throat hurts, but I drank anyways. The liquid leaked out of the side of my mouth, and went down my neck, but I kept drinking, trying to put all the misery in my life in that red liquid so that every painful swallow I made, I knew it was for something worth… for a better future. I didn't stop until the entire bottle was gone. Then I hurtled the glass across the room as the pieces shattered on the wall. My skin was dyed in streaks of red and I could feel myself heating up.

Kevin finished his last drop of wine and left the glass on the table. "Happy new years Sakura…" He said. But he didn't bend down to kiss me. He didn't do anything actually. He just said those words and stood up. "Well, they asked me to stay with you for New Year's Eve, and well, I guess that's it… there's nothing more really, I'd give you a present but I really don't know what you would want after not communicating with you for almost a year, so I guess it's time to take my leave… well, have a nice year Sakura, goodbye."

And just like that, appearing in my life only for a couple of hours to cause misery he's leaving me again, and yet, I'm still so helplessly in love with him.

He turned to walk away.

I could feel the tears bubbling in me, they spilt out of my eyes and I realized that I wanted him so badly. "KEVIN!"

He stopped walking and turned around to see that mess sprawling across the bed that was my body. "Yes?"

"Kevin! Don't go, no, not yet!"

"There's nothing else to be done. I completed my promise."

"No, you can still give me a New Year's present!"

"Oh?"

"Yes, Kevin, stay, just for a bit more…" I choked and wiped at my tears and wine stains so that they mixed together. "Come closer to me…"

And he did. He stood right next to me.

Slowly, I dared to lift my head ever so slightly to see his strong jaw line and his handsome face that I could once touch so freely.

"What is it you want?" He asked.

"Kevin…" my right hand reached up halfway, but he didn't grab it with his own hand, he just stared at it. "Kevin… I want you to kiss me."

He raised an eyebrow. "You know I don't love you…"

"Please don't say anymore… just kiss me…"

"You know I'm only here because of your father and Tomoyo…"

"Kiss me, dammit!"

"Doesn't this bother you at all? Where's your dignity?"

"I don't care! Please, kiss me!" I begged.

He bent down to level with me and looked at me with disgust. "You sicken me, you know that? A weak woman with no self-respect. I can't believe you'd go as low as begging for a man who hates you to kiss you… I can't believe you're that desperate…"

The tears continued. I didn't care anymore… I just wanted him to kiss me… to stop talking and kiss me even if it meant nothing. "Please…"

"Say you beg me."

"I beg you, Kevin…"

He laughed cruelly. "I was right, as I always am. You would shove your face up your own ass if you could get some pitiful meaningless thing…" He chuckled bitterly. "But if this is what you so wishes."

And he bent down, and he kissed me.

I felt warmer than the wine could ever make me. All of a sudden all the pain was gone, my tears didn't seem real, everything around me dematerialized and all the hatred vanished and all I could think about was his kiss and how it tingled my senses. I had wanted him to keep kissing me until he sucks the very breath out of me, but he didn't.

He only kissed me on the lips for two quick seconds before drawing back. "You have your wish. Happy New Years, and I will perform no more services for you." He opened the door, and was gone without a last goodbye. The door shuts silently behind him, and I was left all alone in this room. "Please… don't go…" I whispered hoarsely. But I knew he was gone, and he was not coming back, not ever again.

I drew my legs up to my chest again as I reached my for my teddy bear. Why wouldn't this pain stopped? Even after so much wine, this throbbing, it's still too much to bear, too raw to contain inside of me if I don't cry some of it out. I need him… I need him to kiss me… Kevin, come back! I want you to kiss me again, I really don't care whether you truly love me or not, only when you kiss me can I be rid of this sorrow! Kevin, come back!

I felt so vulnerable, so openly disgusted with myself, yet I could not help it.

I loved him so dearly, but why does he not love me back, why? Oh, WHY? How can I survive like this? I can't! I can't live any longer!

Then visions and ideas came to me. Why suffer so long when I can suffer shorter? It's all going to end the same either way… I felt my cries lessen as I concentrated on death. I had degraded myself to begging. He was right, I had no self-respect and I stoop as low as a dog. He was right, as always. _I_ was the awful trash vomited forth when Creation was working on something else. I sold myself, my soul, every last sprinkle dignity I had left just to gain some meaningless kiss, I am the most despicable person ever lived, I had no right to talk about anyone else.

I need something sharp right now… something sharp… I threw the wine bottle against the wall, but Kevin left the cups. If I smash it in half the broken shards would be very sharp… then I can slit my wrists and watch my blood slip away… it's not going to matter because I watch that three times a day anyways… then there will be no more pain… I will finally stop worrying about everything, stop complaining, and stop making others miserable…

And if that glass doesn't work, I can always run in the wall… or bite off my tongue… they say if you bite off your tongue you'll quickly bleed to death within seconds… but that's going to hurt…

If I really have no other choice, I can search through that living corpse's desk and possibly find some sleeping pills and drug myself, or even run to the highest level in this hospital and jump off. There was so many possibilities and they were all there, ready and waiting for me. Death was so much easier than life. You support life, but death supports you, and it's always there for you, and will never abandon you.

Right now I think my most likely resort is to cut my wrist… yeah, that's right… the blood inside me isn't mine anyways… so I won't feel anything as they're drained from me… that's right… cutting myself shouldn't be hard, there's glass everywhere… if the glass cups don't work, I can shatter the windows… yes… it's all perfect and planned out, I'm going to bleed to death tonight… ha-ha! Ah, yes, the blood, slit my wrist and watch is all drain away… I'm going to do it now… I'm going to do it—

"Don't."

I was so startled that I sat up with my eyes wide and momentarily forget my pain and agony.

A young man was kneeling right by my bed, and it's not Kevin.

"What?"

"Don't." He repeated.

"Don't what?" I asked.

"You were going to commit suicide. Don't."

I was so utterly shocked. He knew what I was going to do! But how?

"Most people at certain most emotional times feel this way, but if you can overcome it, it'll all be fine… throwing life away if the greatest crime a person can commit, and I won't let you do that to yourself…"

I stopped looking at him and went back to hugging my teddy and crying. "But I feel so useless, so degraded… there's nothing to live for anymore…"

"Now, now… you won't feel any better hugging a lifeless thing…"

I looked up with a wet face to him opening his arms. It's been so long since anyone made that gesture to me, and I couldn't help but to accept it. I hugged him tightly and for the first time in quite awhile I was so warm… I could feel the sadness just slowly slipping away, as is my consciousness.

My tears stopped fifteen minutes after and I was just in this mysterious young man's arms, all warm and cozy. _Maybe this is what I needed… to be loved…_ I yawned.

The young man understood. He carried me up and placed me on my bed, drew back and covered me up with my blanket. Already my eyes were half closed.

He kissed me on the forehead, and whispered, "Happy New Years, my angel, and remember, don't ever throw life away. Goodnight." Then he turned to walk away.

"Wait…" I said weakly, already going into sleep.

"Yes?" He turned around.

"Who are you?"

"Shhh… Sleep for now, I will be back tomorrow for you, we can talk then… you need your rest right now…"

"No, wait, tell me, at least let me know your name…"

"All right. My name is Li Syaoran. And that name doesn't mean anything to you right now, but tomorrow you will understand about me, and I'll get to know you… Goodnight, and sweet dreams." He said sincerely.

"Goodnight, Syaoran…" I sighed dreamily as sleep took over my body.

And just for once, I knew that tonight, no nightmare will penetrate my world.

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_In some ways I hate Kevin but I also don't… he's a real bastard in some sort of ways but also a real futuristic person I don't know if you've noticed… just in a cold way… Well, at least I introduced Syaoran right? Sorry if there's any spelling errors but it's like 4:00am right now and I'm going to die on my keyboard._

_7505 Words._


	4. Li Syaoran, my Companion

**Author's Note: **

)**Manuca**( - I'm so glad of those points you made, finally, someone noticed! When Sakura kissed Kevin everybody is upset with her too for degrading herself, because that's the way I portrayed her in the story, but you noticed, yay! Of course I had to write it that way, since they're her opinions, but if you think about, someone who's not been loved for so long needs a little caress from people! And when Syaoran enters, people automatically assume woo-hoo, it's going to a 'happily ever after'. But again, you realized that he might just be nice to her because of his job… I'm so glad you noticed those two things! Because you're looking at this story like it's completely new story and not just another typical already 'ready too many times' story. :) Thank you:D

)**xSakuraKitsuneTenshix**( - Lol thx. Actually I do pretty well in both angst and humour. I just can't seem to get somewhere in between… / All the dark stuff is pretty much going to stop now. But I assure it'll be back before the ending. Kevin's crap, yes I know. And I liked the way you said it. So simple, so straight, just getting to the point—he's crap. Lol. :P

)**l x lmystikalxstarzl x l**( - Pretty much yeah. Kevin's the type of guy you love to hate but you just can't find a way to hate which makes you hate him that much more, understand what I'm saying? ;)

-

**Chapter Four**

_Li Syaoran; my Companion_

-

The next morning I woke up with a headache as huge and horrible as Godzilla. I swear to God I'm never going to drink that much again in my life. And now I'm also experiencing extreme memory loss. God.

I remember drinking the wine, gulping it down mouthful after mouthful. But why? I'm not too sure…

I had a nice dream after that though… whatever the reason for drinking was, I was very upset, and in the dream, someone came to comfort me… the first person to be nice to me in months… it felt good but also strange…

I groaned into my hands. God I feel horrible. My head is going to split into two soon… dammit! What the hell happened?

Sitting up a bit straighter, held onto the walls to keep myself from falling over. Jeez, what could've made me do this to myself? I'm not even legal to drink yet!

"Would you like some aspirin or Tylenol?"

"Ah!" I cried out in surprise as I came face to face with a smiling boy. "Holy shit! You're not a dream!"

He laughed. "No, I'm quite real, I assure you… alcohol can do some pretty strange stuff to people, especially if you're inexperienced." He said wisely.

I backed away timidly. I still don't know much about him yet, which gives me no reason to trust him at all. I've had my trust broken too many times. "So, you really were here last night…" I said.

"Yes."

"Do you, know what happened?"

He walked to the foot of my bed and picked up two drinking cups. "I put these out of reach so you wouldn't try to commit suicide again at night. Do these trigger some memories?"

I looked at the glasses and could feel another round of tears coming up. But I refuse to cry in front of this stranger. I looked away as I remembered Kevin… and his words… his words that rang over and over again inside my brain and my heart sending a shock throughout my entire being. The wine didn't help after all… it was this boy who helped… what's his name again? I'm sure he'd told me… I can't remember though… "Ugh…" I moaned softly.

"You're quite right, I did tell you my name last night." He commented.

I blinked. How'd he know I was thinking that? "Are you a mind reader or something?"

"Oh, no…" He replied with a smile. "No, I'm quite sure I'm not… just, a hunch…"

I gave him a suspicious look.

He just smiled in return. "Let us properly introduce ourselves, and this time I really do hope you won't forget again…" He stuck out his hand. "I'm Li Syaoran."

I stared at his hand for the longest time. Should I touch that flesh? It's a guy's hand… it's large just like Kevin's… and I don't know him…

I looked away. "Kinomoto." Like hell I'm going to tell you my full name Kinomoto Sakura. I'm not prepared to get to know any more new people before my death; therefore Sakura is off limit.

"Kinomoto, huh. Let me guess, Kinomoto, Sakura?"

I gasped. "What the hell! Who are you? Are you some kind of stalker?"

He turned serious. "I do hope you'll trust me, I mean you no harm."

"No harm my ass! You can practically read my fucking mind!"

He surprised me when he wrapped his arms around me as he had done last night, and I could feel that warmth spreading over my body, calming me down. "You need to chill…" he said. "You need to be warm and loved… you've been neglected and surrounded by cold for too long, and I'm here to change that for you."

Slowly, I gave in and rested my head on his shoulder. "Who are you?" I asked.

"I'm no one important, really. I'm simply volunteering at the hospital here."

"Oh. Trying to get your 40 hours of volunteer hour before high school finishes?"

"No, not really. I already graduated from high school. I'm eighteen."

I pulled back from him. "I'm seventeen and I'm in grade 11. You should be in grade 12 right now."

"No, I skipped grade 5."

"Oh wow… you must be pretty smart…"

He laughed again. "I'm okay…"

"So what are you doing in a dreadful place like this? Aren't you going to college or university or something?"

He looked down for a bit, then back into my eyes. "To tell you the truth, I haven't thought about that…"

"You haven't thought about your future?"

"No, I don't think it matters…"

"Now you're the first person to have said that me… future is one thing teenagers can't rid their minds off of."

"Yeah, well, I'm different."

"I can tell, not many people would want to volunteer at a hospital after high school especially if they're a guy."

He shrugged. "I enjoy working here, I make people feel better and in return, I feel better myself."

"That's great, but you should really think about a future career; you'll need to make a living soon, you know."

"Maybe when that time comes, I will." He replied. Then his eyes landed on my right leg—all bandaged up.

I squirmed uncomfortably. Just with this glance I could feel the dread that lies beneath. My crippled leg… "Stop staring, please…" I said, looking away.

"I don't believe it's crippled."

I blinked. How does he keep doing this? It seems that every time I think about something he ends up knowing! He must be reading my mind! Or is it because I'm speaking out loud right now but just doesn't realize because I'm slowly going deaf? Did he hear that too? I looked up him.

If he did hear it, he didn't act like he did. He simply stared at my bandaged leg.

"What."

And without warning, he suddenly picked up my leg, untied the knot and peeled the white strips off.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I cried.

He looked at me innocently. "I don't believe you're crippled yet."

"Put it back!"

Instead, he threw the bandages into the garbage bin.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU MAD? I CAN'T STAND SEEING MYSELF LIKE THIS!"

"I don't believe you're crippled yet." He repeated again. "The doctor said there might be a chance, but not 100."

Oh great, now doctors are telling private information of their patients to volunteer workers… I wonder who else doesn't know… "You know nothing! If I try and fail, it'll only break my hope more, so might as accept the truth right now!"

He only smiled more. Lending out his hand, he winked at me and said, "I'll make a miracle come true for you today."

I looked away stubbornly. "Get the hell away from me. You're not ready to pay the consequences for my failure, so I suggest you leave while you still can."

He stayed in the same position.

I looked at his hand; the hand I refused to touch even for a handshake. Should I grab it now when I had refused it before when it was simpler to touch?

He seemed to have read my mind yet again, and stood up straight and withdrew his hand. "I just want to see you stand for me."

I sighed in defeat. "Fine, fine, you win." I set my feet on the ground, and pushed myself up.

I stood there perfectly straight and effortlessly.

"There!" He cried with joy. "Now, it'll help if you would start putting pressure on _both_ feet."

Damn. I growled under my breath. How'd he know? I'm standing on one foot right now, making my right foot slightly above my left foot so that pressure doesn't hurt it and he won't notice. Damn this guy. He misses nothing.

"I'm not doing that." I told him. "You must be out of your mind. Simply touching it hurts me like hell, I'm not going to set my entire body weight on it. Go help some other poor bastards out there who may actually appreciate this."

He laughed. What the hell is wrong with him? Does nothing hurt his freakin' feelings? Is he some kind of robot with a steel heart? Dammit! Usually people would be crying right now, or else cursing me to the deepest of hell while running far, far away from me, why isn't he affected at all?

"I'm not going to run away from you, and I'm not going to start crying."

Dammit! He's gotta stop fucking doing that!

He took a step forward so that he's standing right next to me. "Take a step." He said, that foolish smile dying from his face so that his expression was serious. "Just try. I'm right here." He held out his arms. "If you fall, you can fall against me, or I'll catch you, I promise, you won't be hurt."

I hesitated. There was nothing to lose, right?

No. There's everything to lose. Thinking I won't ever be able to walk again is a bit difference from knowing. I don't want to know!

But then again, if I can walk… the joy would be the same as the pain from knowing the opposite. It's a 50/50 chance.

"It's more than just 50/50." He said. "I believe in you. C'mon, I won't let you get hurt."

Delicately, I put my right foot in front of my left, and with shivering hands and cold toes, I set it down, praying, hoping for the best.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A terrifying stun coursed through my body from my foot, a pain that was much similar to when I had stepped on that nail. Losing balance, I felt myself falling, and suddenly I visualized that dark, concrete ground, that unfriendly alleyway, that garbage can lying innocently in the corner just waiting for my waist to be jabbed on it, the people standing near who are just too terrified of me to help… I felt myself falling into that scene again, and I screamed even louder. "NO! NOT AGAIN! HELP ME! YOU CAN'T DECEIVE ME TWICE!"

-

Many things had flashed in front of my eyes during that time. But now, I stood leaning completely on Syaoran with my entire body quivering. He held me by the waist to keep me from falling, and said nothing. "DAMN YOU!" I cried, but did not move from my position; I was petrified by horror. Now I know I will never have a chance at walking. Never will… I am truly crippled…

I don't understand… why is he being like this? And by being like this, I can't hate him! He's not like Tomoyo, who will begin crying right now, which would just make me feel that she's pathetic. He's not like Kevin, who's just completely cold and heartless, which would make me want to slap him across the face and smash a cooking pan on his head and knock him unconscious.

No, but he's not like any of them! He's just here, so patient, so caring, always doing the right thing at the right moment.

I began to cry. "This is all you fault!" I accused. "I told you, I told you I wouldn't be able to but you just had to confirm it didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? Is this some kind of a game to you? HUH? IS IT? TO SEE IF I HAVE ENOUGH WILL? TO PLACE A MENTAL BET ON ME? IS THAT ALL? IS THAT WHAT I AM TO YOU? WELL I TELL YOU THIS IS NO JOKE BECAUSE YOU'VE JUST PISSED ME OFF!"

He waited after I was done yelling, and then he spoke. Gently as always, he didn't sound angry or even the least bit frustrated. "You still have a chance."

My eyes snapped open and I looked up at him even though my legs were still useless beneath me. I wanted to believe him so much… but how can I? I had just proved to myself haven't I? Who is this boy? And why is he so confident? Does he know something I don't? Of course he does, he's a hospital volunteer, they must've taught him a lot… "I… do?" I asked with hope.

"Yes, you do." He smiled and set me down on my bed. "Lean on your pillow, you must rest your legs."

He helped me put my legs up as I grimaced in pain. "Tell me, what makes you so sure?"

"I know for a fact, that crippled people can't feel their legs. Meaning, they can't even feel pain."

I gasped.

"That's right." He chuckled. "If you felt pain that means the nerves in you legs aren't completely lost. The only reason you felt so much pain is because they're damaged. You had the strength to push yourself up then, but the pain was a bit overwhelming for you… but as soon as you can fight this pain, to push it away gradually, you'll soon be like a normal person again."

My lips stretched apart. I could not help but to smile, no matter how much I didn't want to give him the feeling of victory. "Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, trust me on this. For now, you just rest. I'll get you something to eat, maybe chicken soup? Maybe we'll try again say perhaps—"

"No!" I cried. No, I will not wait! I cannot wait! There is hope after all! I will walk again, I really will! A miracle has come to life in front of my very eyes and it's happening to me! I cannot wait that long! "Help me now!" I pleaded that was more like a demand. "Help me! I want to stand now! I don't care about the pain, I will, stand!"

He frowned. "Are you sure? This might not be safe, I'm not sure if you'll be able to stand it—"

"I can! I can! I just need a few more tries!"

Seeing my persistent and hopeful eyes, I could tell he was giving up when he sighed. With my large, watering green eyes I know I can be very hard to resist. However I doubt the reason he gave in was because of my charm… he's not that type of guy… he was probably wavered by my determination.

Syaoran sat down beside me, and in a low voice, he whispered, "There is a way, for you to walk now. It all depends on whether you're willing to make a sacrifice."

I nodded vigorously. "Yes, yes, I'm ready! Anything!"

He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a small tube of creamy white liquid. "Don't think I'm some weirdo carrying random lab specimen around with me all the time, but this is sort of a family secret, it's very powerful and I carry it with me in case of emergency."

"What is it?" I asked, wondering how it could possibly help me.

"It's something that's not available on the market, therefore needless to say, it's illegal." I stared at that tube in his hand and I wanted it. "When you drink this, it will take affect in about 10 minutes. What it does is that it will give you a boost of concentrated energy that will last for six hours. That energy will temporarily fight away all of your disease, or else keep it under control, give your muscles strength, and ease your pains. With all that combined—no pain in your legs, plus extra power—I'm quite positive you'll be able to stand rather easily. It has once saved a person's life… My uncle was in a car accident and he was stuck under the car and could no longer take it. He drank this and within 15 minutes he was able to crawl out from under the car and be driven to the hospital with hardly any moans of pain."

My eyes brightened. This was almost too good too be true! I reached forward to grab it, but he held it out of my reach. "Let me finish." He continued. "There is a huge downfall to this though, and it will occur most severely after your sixth hour is over. This substance is somewhat like a drug, without all the hallucination and depressant and crap. It doesn't just give you energy out of nowhere; it takes a chunk out of your lifeline. Meaning, if you could live for another 9 months, maybe, depending on how strong your body is, you may have from 8months to 4 months left to live instead. Yet rarely, but still does happen, for some people it does not affect them at all, or at most a couple of days. It is not confirmed but to my knowledge and kept records, I find they usually happen to those with the strongest will to live."

I stared intently at him, my hand frozen in midair. I'm playing a huge gamble right here.

"That's right." He said. "You are playing a gamble."

Dammit! He's gotta stop doing that!

I could not make up my mind, I didn't want to shorten my life any more than it already has been, but at the same time I was so desperate to walk today, to leave this building and take just one breath of fresh air… I can't keep going like this any longer! I'm going to suffocate in here! But is my will to live strong enough? Strong enough to make it a reality? Is this worth it? One moment of triumph that cuts the remaining of my life in half. What should I do?

My hand remained frozen in the midair; I could not make up my mind.

"Forget it." He said, pocketing the vial. "We're going to wait, you'll be fine tomorrow, it was stupid of me to ask you to make a decision like this—"

I held out my hand. "Give the damn thing to me."

"Why?"

Truthfully, I was unsure. But the moment he took it away, somehow, it was as if the decision was already made. That damn thing is mine. I have too much dignity; I refuse to let him remember me as a coward. I know I'll probably regret this, but for the moment, it's so mine. "Pass it here."

He looked at me sadly. "Don't do this to yourself."

"Pass it!" I pressured.

He sighed and took it out again but did not place it on my open palm. "How about this, I've got a better idea. Instead of you drinking all of this, why don't you drink half of it? It'll ease half your pains, and for the rest I'll massage your leg for you."

"I don't need you. I don't need anybody. Just give me that damn thing."

He didn't bother arguing with me, but his sense of righteousness was too strong for him to just completely give in to me and have me suffer my own stupid consequences.

He took the wine glass from yesterday and pour half the substance in it. It hardly filled the bottom of the cup. Hard to imagine so little of something could cause such miracles and disasters. "Here." He said, handing it to me.

I gulped it down as soon as the glass touched my hand. I didn't want to end up hesitating, so might as well get it over with now so that I won't have a chance to go back on my words.

"Stretch out your legs." He said.

I glared at him. "I told you, I don't need anybody, I'll be fine."

"Just do as I say, I'm trying to help you. Trust in me."

But how can I? I barely know you for more than 20 minutes… 

"You will soon, just believe in me for another 10 minutes and you'll know what I'm capable of, and you will know that I've never meant harm to you."

I really hate when he does that. Sure, I've heard of psychics, but who would've thought one is sit beside me right now? How does he do it anyways? And doesn't he even bother to try to hide his ability? "Fine." I replied. I stretched out my right leg and hugged my left leg to my chest. "Do whatever you have to." And I took my teddy bear and began soothing out its fur.

He put his hands on my legs and began to rub it gently. I tried really hard to think about the bear and the annoying way it's smiling, but it actually felt really good… no wonder adults love it when someone massages them…

I looked at him.

He just kept on loosening the muscles in my leg, soothing them, relaxing them, as the same while I felt a slowly bubbling energy rising in me. It was truly a magical feeling. In fact until this moment, I'm not sure whether I was dreaming or awake. I wanted to pinch myself, but I was afraid to wake up even if this was a dream.

I continued to stare at him, wondering about him, curious about him.

He looked up into my eyes and just smiled. That stupid, stupid smile. Why is he so happy? I don't get it! Teenagers his age are usually complaining about life, or suicidal, or a drug addict, or just a lowlife prick. But why is he so nice and happy?

I could feel my legs tingling, I suddenly felt more alive and powerful than I had ever felt for a long, long time… at least, since a year ago…

"Stand up now." He said as he took a step back. "Try. And remember, I'm right here. Feel free to fall any time. And please, don't feel bounded to your words of 'you don't need me'. I really don't care what you say, because remember, I'm right here and I won't judge you."

I hesitated only for a bit, before setting my feet down and resting my right arm on his shoulder.

I stood up with no difficulty. Now the real test comes when I put pressure on my other leg.

Please, please let it work! Please! My leg feels much more powerful and more at ease than when I had tried the first time—that's for sure. But am I stable enough to stand?

There's only one way to find out.

I set my right foot down on the ground and I took a deep breath. Please God, please! I prayed. I want to walk again!

My left foot was above the ground and my entire weight was on my right leg.

I gasped.

I'm standing; I really am standing! I'm not crippled after all, he was right! He was right!

My hand was off of his shoulder and still, I stood there just on my supposedly broken leg alone, and I wasn't falling, or even wavering. There was a bit of pain, but only a bit, and that little bit was drowned out by my happiness. "I'M STANDING!" I cried with joy. "I'M NOT GOING TO BE CRIPPLED!" I laughed out loud from pure happiness and I threw my arms around him.

Who is this boy exactly? I've known him for less than an hour and already, he's created a miracle for me.

Miracles happen rarely, and if one was ever to find you, you should consider yourself lucky no matter how long it takes. Yet him, this boy—no, man since he's 18— who came into my life so suddenly, so spontaneously, and he creates miracles as if he's expecting them. He wasn't holding his breath or anything, he simply knew! To top it off he could actually read minds. Not the phoney kinds that say "you have great potentials" or something abstract but he could really sense my thoughts word by word even if he refuse to admit it. But most importantly, he gave me the ability to walk! I'm standing right now, walking right now, putting pressure on my broken leg right now all because of him! "THANK YOU SO MUCH! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!" I cried over and over again.

I could hear him laugh gently. "You're welcome." He was saying to me. "It really is your will that this miracle came true, it's not me, I assure you, it's your own will power…"

But I could not stop laughing and I didn't let go to of him. "Oh, I love you! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

He detangled himself from me, but slowly so that I would not feel rejected. "Now let's put it to the test and make your dream come true. I'm going to take you somewhere today. I'm going to take you to a beautiful park, and you're going to take more than just one breath of fresh air."

"I'm not allowed…" I told him with a frown. I was still excited about standing, but this fact really saddened me. Even though I fixed my broken wing I was still not allowed to leave my cage.

"Trust me." He winked and stood up then headed towards the door. "I'll be back."

After he left, I was alone, which gave me a chance to think without my thoughts being read. Right now, I want to learn everything about this boy, I want to know when he was born, what happened when he was born, and how did he become this way. I want to learn about his entire family, his ancestors and know everything he's interested in. He created a miracle for me! He _is_ a miracle! I haven't been this happy for a while. It seemed recently the only emotions I could feel was sadness, frustration, anger and the need to attempt suicide. But then this boy comes out of nowhere, and suddenly, in such a short time, I'm losing everything that was my life before, all the hopelessness, all the depression, and instead I'm living the completely different life. The transaction is so quick, but truly, I don't feel strange at all, the transaction between such drastic emotional changes occurred so fast, yet so smooth without the tiniest detectable fault, almost like him.

I owe this moment entirely to him. I will trust him from now on. He was right, he meant no harm, and I should believe totally in him… to me, he's as close as God gets.

Syaoran came back two minutes later with a frown on his face. I shook my head understandably. "I told you, they're not going to let me out…" I told him sadly. "The last time I did this I was captivated by a deer corpse, almost got ran over by a car, nearly froze to death and managed a nail up foot. I had almost died. They're not going to trust me ever again. Thanks for trying, I'm grateful, really, but I know it's hopeless."

"Oh, no, it's not that…" He said with a smile. "You're allowed to go all right, I convinced them. It's just that I'm not allowed to take you as far away as I had hoped." He sighed. "I guess I'll just take you to the nearest amusement park…"

"Which would be how far away?"

"About 2 hours drive."

"THAT'S SUPPOSE TO BE CLOSE? GOODNESS SAKES WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU PLANNING TO TAKE ME?"

"Ah, well, you know…" He scratched his head nervously. "Sort of um… to a different country."

I could've fainted right then. But he was just so thoughtful… he knew how much I hated this place and he was willing to take me this far away on his own time when he could be doing other more meaningful things. That's really sweet… "And they really agreed to let you take me out."

"Well yeah, they agreed without much of an argument."

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"Um, no…"

"They actually gave you permission."

"Yes…"

"I can't believe this! You've just created the second miracle for me!"

He laughed. "Didn't you know? My middle name is Miracle."

I rolled my eyes. "Save it."

He continues to laugh. "C'mon, let's go now before it gets dark. I need to bring you back before midnight."

"Before midnight? Are you out of your mind? I still need my blood exchange thing… Dr. Ada will never let me off of that…"

"I spoke to him about that too. He said you can skip it just for today."

"Holy crap! Who the hell are you? How come they're all listening to you?"

He shrugged, then in a mysterious voice he said, "Because, I'm special." And he winked.

"Get outta here!" I rolled my eyes.

He smiled. "Yeah, I agree, let's get out of here." He offered me his hand.

"I can stand, you know." I told him.

"Aw, still shy? My skin is not poisonous you know."

"And my skin is off limits."

"You really have been unloved for too long, you must be close to a human being to stop all your suspicions and loneliness. Give me your hand. This will help you more than you can realize. You'll stop feeling so timid and separated from everyone else."

I looked into his eyes, and saw that he was being serious. He wasn't joking around or trying to make me feel neglected from the world. He really was trying to help me. I just don't understand why me specifically. I mean sure, that's what people who work at the hospital do, they help people, but why is he putting so much time and energy into me? Certainly I know the nurses will never do this to me and I'm quite positive I'm the only person in the hospital getting a treatment like this from someone that's not a family member or special friend.

"Give me your hand, you need to close, be warm, and be loved." He repeated.

Timidly, I put my hand on his as he pulled me up from my bed. "Get ready for a day of fun." He said with a smile.

"I'm sure it's going to great." I replied.

-

To my surprised he had a taxi parked in front of the hospital waiting for us especially. Had he been preparing this for longer than I thought? Perhaps he was spying on me and planned how to make me better for weeks or even months now… is this just another trick from Dr. Ada?

"Believe me when I tell you I only knew of you yesterday night, and I would never work for someone like Dr. Ada."

By now I'm already used to him reading my mind, I'm used to my thoughts being the same as what I speak out loud. It actually doesn't bother me so much any more now that I think about it. After all, it's not like I have anything to hide from him. Everything I say that's wrong he'll only help me realize what's what with it and what can I change, and everything that's just a simple comment he merely listens and take it in. There's nothing I'm afraid of him knowing. Everything I do around him just feels so natural and normal.

I leaned back against the soft seat of the car and sighed. _I wonder how long this can last for? Seeing as all my previous happiness ended all too quickly…_

-

We arrived at the park a bit after 12, and the taxi driver said he'll be staying here, and will wait until we come out. Saves us the trouble of finding another taxi.

I'm pretty sure this is another thing Syaoran had already talked with him about this issue previously.

-

I've been at this particular place many times before with Kevin and Tomoyo and couple of other bitches a.k.a. used-to-be-friends, and we went on every single ride from the baby level to the ultimate thrilling roller coasters. I liked this place but felt no special feelings for it because it's just another place for me to hang out with friend like some normal every day mall. Yet today, as I looked around, it felt so unfamiliar to me.

Is it because there's a different person beside me? Is it because I'm not surrounded by 10 other people like I normally would be? Or is it because I never really thought about anything before and just went along with whatever without burning a memory into my brain? Whatever the reason was I was seeing this place as if for the first time.

People's voices came very randomly to me, as if they didn't really matter. I looked around and didn't feel an inch of excitement. I think I would be just as happy to be walking with Syaoran through an empty grass field. I really don't think the thrill is what I need now.

I felt him pulling me away. "I figured you wouldn't be interested in the rides here anymore. People do tend to change a lot when drastic things are happening in their life."

"You're telling me…"

"But there is more to this place than just the rides."

"Yeah? How come I don't know about them then?"

"Because you've never taken the time to look. Come with me." He said, dragging me away.

"Like I have a choice…" I muttered.

-

And yet again, ladies and gentlemen, he was right. Now why am I not surprised?

Behind all the noise and fun was a peaceful picnic area surrounding a pond of water and lily pads and singing birds. There were no benches but plenty of fresh green grass. I could see a lot of couples here and it made me wonder why Syaoran has taken me to this place particularly.

"Don't get any weird thoughts. It's not that strange for two friends to come to a peaceful place together. Man, people these days are thinking way too complicated."

"Hey, now I'm offended. Am I not good enough for you?"

"Maybe."

"Hey!"

He laughed. "I'm just kidding, but you do realize that a boy and a girl can be friends without having to have some sort of romantic relationship involved."

"Sure, I've got plenty of guy friends."

"But do you always end up going out with them?"

"Hey!"

"What? It's just a simple question… so, do you?"

"I choose to remain silent."

"I can always know if I really want to…"

"I will remain silent both physically and mentally."

"Who said I could read minds?" He asked innocently.

I snorted. "Right. Drop the act, buddy."

-

We stopped fooling around a bit later, and as I lay beside him on the green grass, feeling the presence of a warm human being beside me who actually cared about my well-being, I really can't imagine being happier. He's right. Girls and guys should be just friends more often. A boyfriend can be fun, girlfriend can be easy to gossip with, but a real guy friend sometimes can be the one person that gives you reassurance.

"So," I asked him. "When's your birthday?"

"July 13th."

"13th? That's a pretty unlucky number."

"Well, I guess I'm just born under an unlucky star."

"No, I didn't mean it that way… I'm just not too… keen about that particular number."

"It's okay, people tell that to me once in a while, I'm not offended. What about you, when are you born?"

"Well… April…"

"April what?"

"Don't laugh."

"Sure."

"Well… April… April 1st."

"Ah!" He exclaimed. "April Fool's girl! I should get you something _special _for your birthday!"

"April Fool's Day doesn't exist in my vocabulary. To me April 1st is nothing else than my birthday. So no playing stupid tricks on that day." I said firmly.

"Who said anything about playing jokes? I said I'll get you something special for your birthday, is there something wrong with that?" He responded innocently.

"Puh-lease! I may not be able to read minds but I'm not completely clueless you know!"

"I told you, I never said I could read minds. You assume it. And assuming makes an ass out of you and me."

"No, in this case my assuming makes an ass out of you, because you're still desperately defending your innocence of no-extraordinary-powers even though you're bound to be found out and is struggling hopelessly against my truthful and powerful words that will one day, eventually knock you to the ground."

"Creative."

"Thank you."

"Have you ever thought about being a writer?"

I gave him a dirty look. "I hear the sarcasm in your voice."

He shrugged. "So, do your family visit you often?" I guess he sensed my sadness as soon as I heard those words, and he added hastily, "Actually, you don't have to answer that question. You know it really is a beautiful days today—"

"It's okay." I told him. "I don't mind telling you. You take everything so well and you always treat every situation the way I'd want somebody to treat it. I want to tell you simply because I don't like telling other people but I need someone else to know. No, they don't visit often and yes, I do blame them. I suppose you can say it's selfish of me since they do have a life. But if you look at things in my perspective, it's their fault, because they're leaving a dying girl all alone in her last minute of life. Is their work really this important to be abandoning a dying girl? Is it really worth it to miss seeing her for a few final times more?"

He nodded. "I'm glad you're like this… that you see things both ways and you're not leaning towards one of them. This makes you more fair."

"Fair? No. No one's ever told me that. I'm not fair and I know it. Can you imagine that I once made a little girl cry simply because she was alive and accidentally stumbled upon me with a bright happy smile?" Cayleigh's—at least that's what I named her—horrified face came back to me and I could see that expression on her all over again. "I feel so much regret right now… but during that moment, I hated her and her mom so much, I was so envious of them that I couldn't stand to see them happy any longer… I had to make them miserable, I just had to… and I regret it now, if only I could tell her that, if only!"

"Because she was so much like you…" He whispered.

My eyes widened a bit but I quickly returned to normal. I should've known. I can only imagine him seeing what I'm seeing right now. Perhaps hearing and seeing the mind is the same thing. "Yes." I replied. "Yes, she was so much like me, so full of energy and bouncy. So much like me…"

We stayed silent for a bit. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. He was the first person to have understood me so deeply, and not judge me on anything I say. He just listened; let me pour my sorrow upon him so that he could carry it with me. I felt so much lighter right now. Just like he said, this was what I needed. To be near human beings and be surrounded by love, and only then I will become part of the world again without feeling left out.

"SAKURA?" A bewildered screeching voice cried.

I blinked and sat up. Syaoran sat up beside me. I looked forward to see one of the 'bitches a.k.a used-to-be-friend' standing there with a mini skirt and a boyfriend standing behind her. She twirled the lipstick in her hand and walked towards me. "Well, ain't this a surprise."

"Likewise." I replied.

"Well, shocking to be meeting you here." She said.

"Yes, Elli, of course. After all, I'd been expecting to meet you at the hospital instead." It was a hint to say she hasn't been visiting me, and Elli caught the hint rather well.

"I was busy," she said, looking away. She then looked at Syaoran. "Excuse sir, are you really just going to stand here listening to our conversation without even try to pretend you're not?"

Syaoran looked puzzled, but I knew exactly what Elli was talking about. "He's with me." I told her. "He's not a stranger eavesdropping."

She gasped. Just like the Elli I knew. She's surprised because she never believed in miracles and always thought she had to keep herself superior otherwise no one would like her. To her, if you're sick, especially if you're dying, nobody would ever get near you, or ever say hi to you again. She's a bit too realistic. "He's with you?"

"Yes," I replied, taking satisfaction in seeing her stunned expression. Serve the bitch right.

I inched a bit closer to Syaoran and took his hand. "Is there problem with this?" I asked.

Syaoran was good looking and I knew just as much. And the boy with Elli had the looks of Syaoran divided by 5, and her eyeballs nearly popped out seeing that I was with a guy like this while she ended with a reject like that when she was so much healthier and puts on way more makeup than I do.

I took pleasure in seeing her humiliation.

"So," I said. "Who is that young man with you?"

Elli glared at me, knowing fully well I was only asking so I could gloat in her face. I was better than her back in school, and now, even now, she still can't surpass me. Must be embarrassing for her.

I tilted my head slightly so that it was resting on Syaoran's arm. He's a bit too tall for me to reach his shoulder fully. Must say though, I'm glad he's playing along or rather just have not noticed it.

"He's my boyfriend." Elli replied in a low grumbled. "What's his name?" She continued, meaning Syaoran.

"His name is Li." I told her coldly. "Now, I believe we were talking about your boyfriend. Just why are you so interested in my companion more than your own?"

She glared at me. "His name is Kenji. Where did you find this guy?"

Ah, the moment was priceless, the jealous look on her face, her reject of a boyfriend looking like he was ready to break up with her. I stepped even closer to Syaoran if that was even possible, and I could see her frown growing bigger and nastier. "I didn't find him, he found me." I stared at her, as she glared back at me.

Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and let a little annoyed cry. "Nice meeting you!" She said forcefully and turned around angrily and abruptly. "Let's go Kenji." When he didn't follow her, she came back and dragged him away.

I laughed as soon as they were gone and stopped pressing myself to Syaoran and dropped to the ground still giggling. "Now that was the greatest thing I've ever witnessed!"

Syaoran had an amused look in his eyes. "Let me guess. She thinks I'm your boyfriend."

I gave him an innocent smile that didn't come out quite as innocent as I had planned. "Somewhat along that line…" Then I decided denying would probably work better. "What makes you say that?" I questioned.

"Let me think. Maybe it was the way you referred to her boyfriend as her companion and me as your companion, or maybe it was the way you were pressed so tightly again me, or perhaps it was because you were leaning on me? But it could also be the fact that you were still inching towards me. I'm not sure. Haven't decided which one is the most obvious yet. But I'm sure they all contribute to the same result."

I laughed at his little comments. "But, you don't mind, right?" I asked with an adorable grin.

"Well…" He looked at me as if trying to decide though I knew deep inside he wasn't mad at me in the first place. He's too good for that. "I suppose… it's acceptable." He finally said trying to look like he was holding a grudge.

"Horrible actor."

"What?"

"That's what you are. You don't have to pretend to be mad at me."

Before he could respond I grabbed his hand and began pulling him away. "C'mon, let's go get something to eat."

"I thought your flesh was off limit?"

"I thought you said this was good for me? I'm taking your advise now and you're mad a me. Oh, what a sad world, you can never please anyone!"

He laughed at my fake-misunderstood expression as we made our way to the food court.

-

It was 6:00pm when it began to rain. We came back to the same spot after we had something to fill our stomachs and just simply sat and talked and learnt about one and another, increasing our special bond. One thing I found about him was that he was simply nice before when I needed help the most, but now that I'm more stable, I realized he was also really easy to talk with and wasn't always seriously but actually rather funny. And we could joke about almost anything even about being boyfriends and girlfriends. This most people in my school couldn't do because they took it so seriously. But to us, I suppose because we both accepted the fact that I'm dying—well, mostly because I finally accepted that—and the fact that I'm not expecting to get a boyfriend anymore, that's why no matter what we say, the truth is always clear in our minds with no feelings hurt and no misunderstanding.

I frowned. "We have to go." I told him. "I can't stay in the rain for too long or I'll get sick."

"Here." He took off his own jacket and gave it to me.

"No, it's okay, you'll catch a cold." I said, seeing that he had only a t-shirt underneath.

"I'll be fine. Just take it."

Well, I suppose between the two of us I needed it more than he did, so I accepted it and covered my face with it was we began to run towards the parking lot.

But when we searched for 15 minutes and could not find the taxi I began to get worried. "Fuck!" I cursed. "I thought he said he was going to wait for us? What the fuck is going on? Now we're going to be soaked to death here because of his irresponsibility?"

"Hey, c'mon now, don't swear… he probably just went out to get a bite to eat."

I growled. "Well, I can't stand here in the rain for that much longer. I'm going to pass out soon."

He looked around. "There!" He cried pointing at a bus stop.

"We're taking the bus home now?"

"No, the bus doesn't come to this stop on holidays."

"Oh, that's great."

"No, there's some cover there, it should keep you out of the rain."

Together we ran across the street and into the tiny glass shelter.

I stared outside and shivered. "I really do hope he comes back soon…" I said, looking at Syaoran. "You're going to catch a cold like this soon too…"

He smiled but somehow he looked a little defocused and pale. "Worry about yourself."

I frowned. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I hope so… don't worry, I probably look kind of bad right now but it's really nothing severe, I get colds and coughs all the time but they always get better."

I took off the jacket. "Here, you need it more."

He shook his head. "I don't want you to get sick—"

"Worry about yourself." I told him, taking his line.

He paused before smiling, and took the jacket back.

I stared at the lights from the cars splashing by me in the pounding rain surrounded by the black night.

Then something suddenly stood out, as if it glowed! I stared intently at that figure and saw something… someone…

I gasped.

Syaoran looked at that figure and he inhaled sharply. "Is… is that her?"

I didn't answer him; I just stared at that little girl as a smile blossomed over my face. I felt tears in my eyes—tears of happiness. Somehow I just regretted our last encounter so badly I needed to see her again to have a fresh, new memory with me.

When I didn't answer, he said, "Yes, that's her… it must be Cayleigh…"

I swallowed and put my hand against the glass with a smile of adoration on my face. "Cayleigh…" I whispered. "My little girl… my little sister… my special friend even if you're not aware…"

Then she turned. She turned around and stared straight at me. Yes, Cayleigh! Yes! Look at me! Do you remember me?

But she hadn't seen me. She looked in this direction, yes, but not at me. She turned back towards her mom whom began to adjust her raincoat while trying to cover her hair with the hood.

A loud beep right in front of me snapped me out of my thoughts and I saw the taxi in front of the bus stop.

Syaoran opened the door and urged me in, though I could not keep my eyes off Cayleigh, even as I came inside the car.

The taxi drove away through the terrible weather. And even in the beating of the rain against the wet and unclear window, I could still see Cayleigh, her cute face, her tiny form, her adorable clothing. I stared until the car took a turn and she went into her mom's car.

Syaoran put his hand on top of mine. I looked at him and smiled.

I have a new memory of Cayleigh now.

"Forgive yourself." He said.

Yes. Forgive.

And at last I can. With what I last saw of Cayleigh, I know she's okay, she's not permanently scarred and she's fine. I don't have to dwell on the past now. This is what I will always remember of Cayleigh from now on. I forgive myself.

I sighed contently and rested against Syaoran.

Is there anything else? Since Syaoran came into my life (though only less than a full day), I became happy, I could walk again, all the heaviness from my heart is lifted and my last regret has finally been resolved.

He really _is_ a miracle.

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_This is not the end._

_8590 Words… Longer than all the other chapters…_


	5. Li Syaoran, my Valentine

**Author's Note: **_The story so far is halfway through if not more._

)**Manuca**( - I'm glad u like this story so much… I know you have a lot of questions, and they'll all be answered next chapter… I can't fill them in this chapter because… well, after you read the end you'll see…: P s'true, I hate all the typical CCS stories… like, c'mon! You can't just hate someone so passionately then for some UNKNOWN reasons they ACCIDENTALLY fall on top of you or for some BIZARRE reason they're your roommate (may I add they don't make a girl and a guy share rooms) then SOMEHOW, they look at each other and VOILA! They're in love! Well, you know what I mean, I just hate stuff like that… it's immature, unrealistic and just too repetitive… :P

)**LadyAkina**( - What can I say… the world is not always fair… in fact it rarely is… xP

* * *

**Chapter Five**

_Li Syaoran; my Valentine_

* * *

February 10th

It's hard to tell you what happened to me for the past month in my oblivious way as to just tell you what happens scene by scene. Because I've already had time to analyze things and sometimes I can't but to add little comments that I had not felt during that time. I know I want somebody to find my story, and understand it, but right now all I pray is for Syaoran to come back. Yet I still write, only because I have nothing else to do.

I will try to tell you what happened as best and as unbiased as I can, but there are no guarantees.

* * *

I came home that day, and I think Syaoran had caught somewhat of a cold. He assured me he was fine and went back out into the storm.

I woke up the next day and he came to me again, and again, and again until January the 4th. We went to parks, or sometimes we just walked around enjoying the outside. It didn't seem to matter that much where we were, as long as I was with him. I was so happy. But it was sort of weird. I hadn't noticed at that time but after analyzing it for a month, I realized that his disappearance on January 5th was not some coincident but he had already known.

How do I know this? Because during those 3 days we spent together, he kept subtly mention the number "5". I know I may sound like I'm being paranoid, but really! Just listen to my proofs and you'll see:

1. When we went out for lunch, everyday, no matter what restaurant, he ordered the 5th dish on the menu.

2. Of all things, at a circus, he bought me five balloons.

3. He always brought me home at exactly five-'o-clock in the afternoon.

4. The clothing he had worn had five buttons.

I can't think of much now, but I think those were somehow hints to what was to happen, because on January 5th, he vanished. Just like that. Another thing that was odd was that he said to me everyday before he left, "See you tomorrow." While on January 4th, before leaving, he said "See you later."

Of course they meant nothing to me at that time, but somehow I now think it's all linked together. I understand the 5th was a Monday and he probably had to go visit a university or something like that, but I was just sort of hurt that he didn't tell me beforehand.

It's not like I wouldn't understand! He has a life and I respect that, his life doesn't revolve around mine and I accept the fact. But did he just have to so mysteriously disappear?

A month has passed and ever since he left, I haven't done anything but rot in my bed. I wasn't allowed to leave my room without him here, I had no one to talk to, and I was miserable. Especially with a pain that said to me he may never come back. I wish he would, I wish he would've made some kind of a sign before he'd left, most of all I just wish he had told me where he was going! I don't like being left in the dark like this! What's wrong? Did he not trust me? Did he think I wouldn't take it well? But how could he think that? He could read my mind and he would know what I feel…

Why am I left here all alone?

I had made theories of what could be possible, but the one I'm most leaning on, praying for right now, is that fact he comes to me only on special occasions. He's like a God, a Saviour, but they don't just come everyday right…

That's it! I first met him on New Years, he stayed throughout the New Year's holidays with me, and on January fifth is when everybody is going back to school or work or whatever… that's why he's gone!

Right?

But if that's the case, when's the next holiday?

I looked at my calendar.

Valentine's Day.

Would he come on that day? Or would he skip it because I'm not his lover? But then what's after that?

March Break. No… somehow that's just not special enough…

So what's after that? Well… there really isn't much besides… my birthday…

But that's not until April 1st… can I wait that long? I'm already about to go insane here! The only reason I haven't is because I have something to look forward to daily (that fraction of a chance he may return)… but that hope is dying bit by bit, and I don't know how long I can hold on anymore…

The Living Corpse returned already. Apparently Kevin was a "special visitor" and they took her to another room for us to spend some "quality time" together. So much for quality time… All that happened was vicious fighting and getting drunk. Well, she returned the day after that because "quality time" was over.

I looked over at her form laying motionlessly on the bed and sighed heavily.

I know I said I'll tell you what happened to Syaoran and I during those four days, how much fun we had and all, but I can't help it… every time I think about it I can't help but to get off topic and think about nothing else but where he went, where he is now, and when he may be coming back.

It's getting gradually warmer outside day by day, but today, it's raining up a storm again, much like that day I saw Cayleigh again.

What am I going to do? I'm going to die in here! Please, Syaoran, come back!

* * *

I woke up, rolled over and half thought he would be back. But I was greeted by emptiness.

Sighing heavily, I told myself I was not disappointed because I had expected this to happen, but I knew I was only lying to myself.

Where are you, Syaoran? Where are you? Why don't you tell me where you've gone? Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?

* * *

Eat, sleep, blood changing, eat, blood changing, and sleep.

It's back to my original cycle again

At night I slept some more.

* * *

I woke up to yet another morning. He's still not here.

Come back! Don't leave me! You'll be back! Right? You can't leave me like the rest of them… I can't be left again!

The rain has stopped and there are kids playing outside my window. But what does that matter to me? What matter to me? I ask myself if there's something else I can do to cheer myself up and I realize there is nothing else. I await him yet he never comes.

What will become of me? Will I be waiting in longing till the day I die?

* * *

Another day goes by, and a new one starts.

Would he ever come back? I put my hands on my face and I almost cried.

Get a hold of yourself! C'mon! Don't lose it now! He'll be back! He's not like Kevin!

I rolled over to the other side of my bed and got ready to greet yet another dreadful day.

Yet something has finally happened today. I gasped.

There were a dozen roses made into a bouquet with a bright red letter attached to it. I looked at the calendar on my bed stand.

Valentine's Day!

I took the gift and opened the letter.

It read:

_Dear sweetest,_

_If roses represent the love I may offer, and ten roses is all the love combined together within me, I hereby present you with twelve roses and only pray you'll understand my heart._

_Happy Valentine's Day, angel._

_Always watching you,_

_Your Secret Admirer._

Who the hell… Always watching you? Is this guy some kind of a stalker?

I raised my eyebrow sceptically. There's got to be some kind of a mistake here.

"What this?" A teasing voice said. "Love letter?"

At that instant I froze. I wanted to believe it so badly but I couldn't help but wonder what if I am deceiving myself. That voice. That familiar, friendly voice that had helped me through so much. My miracle. My personal guardian angel. Could it be? Is he really back?

I looked up slowly, afraid, just in case my mind was playing a trick on me.

But he's there. He's really here! He stands there leaning against the doorway with that same smile on his face that just seems to never leave no matter how rude I treat him. "Oh my God…" I muttered.

"Hey. How are ya?" He greeted walking towards me.

I could feel the tears in my eyes. I looked down at the letter in my hand and then back at him, and as soon as he was close enough, I jumped and hugged him so tightly it was as if I was putting all the hugs I could've given him in the past month all into this one. "SYAORAN!" I squealed. "THANK YOU!"

I finally understood now! That love letter was from him! It's not that I was happy he loved me, because I knew he wrote that because it was Valentine! Because it was just so appropriate! It just fits the mood so well! He gave that to me because he wanted me to be happy, and every girl's wish on Valentine's Day is to have a secret admirer though that rarely happens anymore. But now he has made me feel like an innocent schoolgirl just praying to have a boy in love with me. "You're so sweet!" I told him. "You just seem to always know what to do at what time! This is the greatest present a girl can get on Valentine's Day!"

He wrapped him arms around me, but whispered innocently, "What are you talking about? Hmm? What's the greatest present a girl can get?"

I laughed. "Don't be silly, I know you sent me the roses."

"Me?" He said as if he were truly confused. "I thought it was a secret admirer… why would it be me?"

"Please." I told him with a roll of my eyes. "My ex-bastard would rather smash a beer bottle over his own head and get stitches before sending me roses, all the other people in my school has never visited me even once, then it's either my dad who sent it to me which I doubt since he is uncreative, or my best friend Tomoyo, which makes me shudder just thinking about it, or Yukito, who by the way is my brother's boyfriend, or my brother, which is just plain wrong. Other than that there's no one left."

"Aww, that's a bit harsh. How do you know there's not someone out there secretly watching over you daily?"

"Besides someone as dumb as you, no one would do that for me."

He laughed, not at all offended, but didn't bother arguing.

Then, from behind his back somehow, he took out a thin, well wrapped in plastic pink and white bouquet that had only one single rose within, and held it out to me.

I think I blushed from its simplicity yet beauty at the same time. It was just a single, long stemmed rose, but every pedal was smooth and the fancy paper wrapped around it gave such a soothing feeling. I took it in my hands and I smelted it, and sighed happily. "Thank you…" I told him.

"Well this isn't good… your secret admirer sends you a dozen roses and instead you're in love with this one… Oh, the poor guy is going to be so hurt…"

I looked at him and smiled. "Your presents will always be the most special to me. That "secret" admirer can send me a truckload of diamonds and I'll still take this rose over it any day."

"Flattering." He said with a smile. "But unfortunately this rose isn't for you."

"WHAT?" I gasped, not believing he just said that to me after what I told him.

He laughed seeing my flushed and angered expression and took a seat beside. "Do you see her over there?"

"Who?" I replied grumpily.

"C'mon now, don't be mad." He comforted taking my hand. "It's Valentine's Day, everybody deserves to be loved. You've got your present, and now it's time to think about other people."

"There is no other people in my world."

"Sure there is, her."

I looked at where he pointed.

Oh great! This is perfect! This stupid rose was for that fucking corpse lady! Oh Gee, makes me feel so much better now! "Fine." I snapped, throwing the rose at him. "Go ahead and give it to her. See if I care."

"No." He said gently, handing it back to me. "I want you to give it to her, and wish her happy Valentine's Day."

"What the hell! I don't want to okay? I can't stand looking at her! I can't give this away to someone like her!"

"Calm down… I want you to be on good terms with her… she's not bad, in fact I know she cares a lot about you, and I think it would be nice if you returned some of her affections too. Please, Sakura. Just give this to her, wish her a happy day, and understand something about her. I would like there to be a bound between you two, so that you may rely on each other."

"Why would I rely on her when you're here?"

He smiled thinly. "I can't always be here for you."

"Like the last month." I agreed.

"Will you do it?" He asked.

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pretty please?" He begged with a cute, pleading expression.

"Give me one Goddamn reason why!" I cried in frustration when I felt myself give in to his charm.

"Because." He replied, leaning down closer to me. "I am, your secret admirer." He added an exaggerated wink.

I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. He was being so adorable! He knew I knew this already, but somehow now he's making it seem so mysterious as if I hadn't known or something, and that this should all be a shock.

He grinned knowing his plan had worked. "Will you, then?" He asked.

"Fine!" I said, finally giving in. I stood up and just as I was about to walk over to her bed, I turned around suddenly, and asked, "If you bought it, if you meant it, you deserve the credit, why should her affection for me grow when she should be grateful to you instead?"

He shook his head. "I don't matter. As long as you two are on good terms together, as long as I know there's someone here who's a friend, and who is responsible enough to take care of you, I'm at ease."

"Take care of me…" I muttered rolling my eyes, but continued walking towards her bed.

I looked down at her sleepy and tired form and frowned. What am I suppose to do now?

"Um, excuse me…" I said, shaking her lightly. "Excuse me… miss…"

She stirred a bit, and opened her tired eyes. "Y-yes?" She said hoarsely.

"Um, happy Valentine's Day." I said timidly holding out the precious rose to her.

She looked at it in shock but I could see happiness in her eyes. With a violently shaking hand, she accepted it, and carefully placed in the vase on her bed stand with all the strength she had, then lay back down. "Thank you, child. This is very kind of you. I'm glad you remembered me, really." She sighed with a smile on her lips and lay on her back. "I only wish my daughter would be as kind as you…"

I felt kind of guilty thinking of all the bad things I said about her. "Um, yeah… you're welcome… so er, what's your name?"

"Madeleine."

"Oh. That's a pretty name. But what's your last name?"

"You needn't be formal with me…" She whispered with her eyes closed again peacefully. "Calling me Madeleine would be just fine…"

"Sure…" I responded, though she had already slipped into yet another deep sleep again.

"Well?" Syaoran looked at me expectantly. "Was that so bad?"

"Thank for making me feel guilty." I snapped.

"A little guilt now and then warms your heart and keep your blood from being so cold."

"You mean keep my _heart_ from being so cold."

"Same thing." He said with a wave of his hand. "C'mon, let's go somewhere."

"Where?"

"Come with me and you'll see."

I had to change while he fussed over where was the best place to keep the dozen roses, and then we had to re-get permission from the doctor for me to leave, and by the time we were done it was almost 12, which is why we ended up having lunch at the hospital, and then leaving at 1:30 in the afternoon.

"Here we are." He announced after we walked 20 minutes down the block.

"You've got to be joking me."

"No, why would I?" He replied.

He's taken me to a freakin' hair salon? Is he out of his mind! "What, is there something wrong with the way I look now?" I snapped.

"No, no! Not at all." He defended. "But today is a special occasion and your hair does need some trimming. Don't be so mad…"

"Fine." I sighed rolling my eyes. "We're trimming my hair then we're going right?"

"Well… Actually… okay, first we're shortening it a bit, so that your bangs will seem longer, then we'll layer it, of course they had to wash your hair and blow dry it for you too… then I was thinking maybe for today some fancy new hair style, and then a bit of make up for you. After we get that ready, I already ordered a dress that's with them in the back room right now, so when you're done everything you can try out the new dress."

I stared at him as if he were from another planet. "And how much is all that going to cost?"

"Well, the dress I already covered, the hair cut is probably gonna cost 20, plus another 20 for the hair style 'cause that'll take a while, then another 40 for make-up… and, that's about it."

"Okay, we're going OUT! RIGHT _NOW_!" I growled dragging him to his feet. "Are you _STUPID_! There is no _FRIGGIN'_ WAY I'm going to spend 80 bucks for my stupid hair! We're leaving, right _NOW_!" I demanded.

"Hey, hey! Chill out! You're not paying for them… I'm paying for you!"

"WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? IT'S NOT YOUR HAIR THEY'RE PAMPERING, WHY WOULD YOU PAY 80 FREAKIN' BUCKS FOR MY STUPID PIECE OF CRAP HAIR?"

"Hey, c'mon, don't scream… it's Valentine's Day, and today is when I shall spread some love around…"

"No thank you." I declined. "Make me feel guilty like I owe you or something afterwards… no thanks. OUT!"

"Li Syaoran!" A woman's voice screamed.

"See? You're next on their list… let's go, I had to make a special a week ahead plan to get a spot in this salon. We're not leaving without making you a goddess today."

"No! I don't want to feel like I owe you!"

"Then don't! I don't want you to feel like you owe me! I'm doing this all voluntarily!"

"I don't remember paying 80 for a haircut is part of what hospital volunteers have to do!"

"No, but it's a new rule. Recently added. Now go up there and look beautiful."

"Are you saying I'm ugly?"

"Whatever gave you that thought?"

"Nothing, nothing…" I sighed in defeat letting the lady lead me away.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later after she's done washing my hair I sat on a spin-y leather chair as she began chopping away at my hair. "You've got quite a nice colour here, little girl."

"Thanks…"

"But it's very dry and seems unhealthy… you have way too many split ends."

"Thanks…" But this time I said it sarcastically.

"I do believe it'll do you some good to come back often and trim it to keep your hair fresh and healthy always."

"While you get to rip me off during the process." I muttered. I don't think she heard me.

Finally after fifty minutes we were done cutting and drying my hair and now for the make up for both my face and the hair.

Some other lady came and began putting powder on my face as another pair of hands yanked at my hair. She was putting at least fifty hair clips in my hair. She's doing some kind of style where she's pulling back one little strand at a time towards the back so they all blossom out at the back of my head in cute little curls. They look kind of nice… but it hurts like hell!

Another 30 minutes passes, and at last, I was ready. I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought that perhaps I could pass as a not-so-sick patient.

Actually, I looked better than when I was healthy. The make up actually gave me a healthy glow. Next station, my dress. I wonder what he bought… better not be something perverted or I'm going to slap him across the face.

* * *

The dress turned out to be a tight spaghetti strapped faded pink dress with long matching gloves. It was really simple. It basically goes in at the waist then goes out gradually as it gets closer to the ground, with loose strings tied into a bow at the back. I also got matching shoes. They were high heels and very uncomfortable to walk in. I asked if I could take them off but no one really paid any attention to me.

At last, I was ready and came out of the change room.

"Da-da!" My hair dressed showed me to Syaoran as if I were some product. "Definitely a date to die for, sir. I believe she is looking her best currently."

"Thanks." I told her. "I guess I better stay in the washroom and stare at the mirror all night today seeing as I'm not going to get any prettier!" I told her. But she just walked away to her next customer.

By now it was already 4:00. Time passes way too quick.

"Well now that the torture over, gotta figure out a way to walk on the street like this and not be stared at… JEEZ ARE YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHI—" But I stop yelling. Because I realized that he was dressed in a tuxedo. "Oh, my, GOD. What the _hell_ HAPPENED to you?"

"You don't like it?" He asked.

"Okay, there is no way, we're walking in the broad daylight on the street like this. You must be out of your mind."

"No, are you kidding? Too many people would stare! Which is why…" He led me outside. "I rented this."

Now what? I followed him outside and nearly had a heart attack.

He rented a band-new silver limo! "YOU, MY FRIEND, HAVE GONE COMPLETELY _MAD_!"

But he simply smiled and opened the back door for me. "Miss." He said, holding out his hand for me.

"Okay, I'm not getting in there. You've gone absolutely cuckoo if you think I'm putting my foot in that."

"Well, I guess you'll have to walk home then, or take the bus?"

"I'M NOT GOING IN THERE! THIS IS INSANE!"

* * *

Of course I ended up in there for the next two hours. He wouldn't tell me where we were going except he promised our strange clothing would be very suitable there.

At 6:30, we arrived at a fancy restaurant with aquariums and plush carpets and glass tables and silver utensils and table clothes that's worth more than my gold earrings.

I stared at him. "We can't get in somewhere like this."

"I'm over 18, I assure you, we can."

And somehow, believe it or not, we actually _did_ get it… holy cow… I'm… speechless… Apparently he has made special reservations for us. I was too shocked to do anything else but to follow our waitress who wore a black tank top, black skirt, with a white apron over it that had a huge heart on it.

We settled down in the corner, where we had three candles at the corner of the table providing light.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" He asked.

"No." I relied.

"No?"

"No. I feel out of place."

He took my shaking hand on the cold table. "Don't worry about what others think, just enjoy yourself and everything will be fine."

I frowned. "You know, I would've liked it just as much if you had taken me to a free museum instead… this isn't necessary…"

"I know." He said. "You must be wondering why I was gone for an entire month without contacting you?"

"Oh… well now you brought it up, yes."

"I was preparing for this."

"WHAT?"

"Yes. Every event is special to me, the well-known ones, that is. I like to make them special and make a person feel special on that day too."

"You've certainly made me feel special…" I muttered.

"I'm glad."

"So what. You spend an entire month planning this?"

"Well, ideas which are not good enough had to go, I had to brainstorm the best way and with someone who has such limited imagination such as myself it's rather difficult. Perhaps a lot more than you can imagine."

"Hmm." I looked around me at the dim lighting and all the fancily dressed people, when suddenly, my eyes caught something familiar. I stood up. "Be right back." I told him before making my way towards the four people.

He knew what was happening before perhaps I even knew what I was about to do, and wisely, he chose to stay out of it and let me be before I start resisting and cause a big scene.

On the table 2 to the right of us, was a double date. One girl was Elli, with her boyfriend, and the other couple, was Kevin with some other blonde girl I've never seen before.

Elli and Blondie were doing the introducing as Kenji and Kevin shook hands together.

I walked over with a crude smile on my lips. "Hello."

They all looked up.

Elli gasped. Kevin took a deep breath. Kenji and Blondie didn't know what's going on.

"Good evening, Elli, Kevin." I spat the word 'Kevin' out rather distastefully.

"You! You're still here! That means you still have a date! Even in your condition!" Elli screeched. She and her stupid beliefs.

"Yes, Elli, smart girl. How'd you guess?"

"It's him isn't it? That cute guy with you the other day!"

"Yes, him. And I suggest you not call him cute in front of your boyfriend."

Kevin put his hands on the table and stood up. "If you're here to cause trouble I suggest you stop before I get angry."

I matched his glare with my own eyes of hatred, not backing down. I degraded myself once but that's not happening again. I'm much stronger this time. "I'm simply here to greet y'all a happy Valentine's Day but if you're that rude I'll understand." I said scathingly.

"Happen Valentine's Day to you too." He bit out. "Now goodbye."

I momentarily remembered our last Valentine together two years ago, and had to steady myself. "There are other people I'd like to greet besides you, Kevin." I responded with venom.

My laser eyes shifted completely to Blondie, and I could feel her tensing up. She looked up at me and laughed nervously. "Hi?"

"Kinomoto Sakura." I said, holding out my hand and smiling though my eyes told her how much I hated her.

"Um, hi." She took my hand uncertainly. "I'm, I'm Cane Lori."

"Hello. Lori."

She took her hand back and looked at Kevin asking for an explanation.

"Ex-girlfriend." He said without hesitations. "Makes me wonder what she's doing here, really, seeing as we're not friends anymore. Our last encounter was not… too pleasant…" His lips curved maliciously reminding me how I begged him.

I believe Syaoran could _see _my thoughts as well and at that moment he may have seen the images in Kevin's mind and I could feel him coming here ready to beat the crap out of my ex-bastard. But I spun around and stared at him with my cold eyes telling him to stop moving and just freeze right there. And he did, though I could tell it took a lot of self-control. "Like I said, simply here for a greeting. But now I'm rather interested in Lori, in becoming _friends _with her."

"Back off, Sakura." Kevin warned.

I only smirked and took Lori roughly by the wrist. "We need to talk." I told her.

"Let go of her!" Elli cried pinching my flesh so that I had to let go of Lori's arm.

"YOU BITCH!" I cried yanking hard at her hair. She let out a yelp of pain as I stepped my heel on her foot.

"AAH! STOP IT!"

I glared at her. "Don't you do something like this again. Do not mettle with things whose consequences you cannot bear. Lori, we're going to talk."

"But—"

"Now." I told her firmly.

She frowned and openly showed her annoyance yet she was afraid as well, and stood up slowly.

"SAKURA—"

"Kevin, SHUT UP!" Without a second look I dragged Blondie away as Kevin came after us.

"LISTEN TO ME—"

"I don't _CARE_! JUST GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

"GLADLY! AS SOON AS YOU RETURN MY GIRLFRIEND TO ME!"

I bit my lips hearing what he called her and remembered how that used to be my title.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO HER YOU CRAZY BITCH?"

I dragged Blondie into the washroom and shut the door in his face.

* * *

Lori stood there, not as frightened as before but still scared enough to numb her legs.

"I'm his ex-girlfriend, yes, it's true. I don't care if you're dating him after all I can tell he's one good-looking guy and I don't know why any girl wouldn't like him. You can do whatever you like with him, just as long as you don't have sex with him. Got it?" I hated her so much in that moment, because she was taking my spot, I wanted her to feel pain, yet I could not let her experience as much pain as death.

She stared at me for what seemed like the longest time, before her annoyance finally broke free. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" She screeched. God her voice is more annoying than Elli's. "YOU'RE JUST SOME OVER-JEALOUS EX-GIRLFRIEND, THAT'S ALL! I'VE SEEN PEOPLE LIKE YOU! YOU JUST WANT ME TO KEEP AWAY FROM KEVIN BECAUSE YOU'RE CONSTANTLY IN THE STATE THINKING KEVIN'LL STILL BE BACK WITH YOU SOMEDAY, BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

Okay, she's got some guts saying that to me! "LISTEN GIRL! DO I LOOK LIKE I EVER HAVE ANY HOPE WITH HIM? DO I LOOK LIKE I _WANT_ TO GET BACK WITH HIM? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? YOU FRIGGIN' DRAGGED ME INTO A WASHROOM WHEN YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME! TALK ABOUT RUDE! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS THAT'S ALL!"

"LISTEN, I'M TRYING TO WARN YOU—"

"YOU WANT KEVIN AND I'M AN OBSTACLE, WELL GUESS WHAT? HE'S MINE NOW AND YOU CAN BACK OFF BECAUSE YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO YOU HAVE NO HOPE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM TALK SO COLDLY TO ANYONE BEFORE! YOU MUST PRETTY UNPOPULAR WITH HIM!"

"EXCUSE ME I REALLY DON'T GIVE A _FUCK_ ABOUT HIM AND FOR YOUR INFORMATIONS I WAS MORE POPULAR THA—"

"STOP BEING RUDE AND LEAVE US ALONE! I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T NEED YOUR THREATS OF DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. I'M 16, WHICH IS PRETTY CLOSE TO 18, AND I THINK I'M MATURE ENOUGH TO MAKE MY OWN DAMN DECISIONS! HAVING MY MOTHER MEDDLING IN MY LIFE IS ENOUGH I DON'T NEED YOU!"

"WHAT PART OF THIS DO YOU NOT UNDERST—"

"SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP ACTING LIKE THIS OVER-JEALOUS GILRFRIEND BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A LOSER AND IT JUST MAKES PEOPLE HATE YOU, OKAY? DO ME A FAVOUR AND GO ANNOY SOME OTHER HOMELESS PEOPLE BUT DON'T BOTHER LOVERS ESPECIALLY ON VALENTINE'S DAY!" She turned around to open the door when my hand slammed on it so hard I could almost feel the room vibrating.

"AH!" She screamed in terror and spun around only to see my horrifying expression. "WHAT ARE YOU DOIN—"

"SHUT UP! I'M SICK OF YOUR VOICE SO YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF FOR ALL I CARE BUT I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU RIGHT NOW AND FINALLY YOU'RE GOING TO ZIP THAT FUCKING TRAP OF YOURS AND LISTEN TO ME YOU FUCKING BITCH! I DON'T CARE ABOUT KEVIN, AND I DON'T CARE WHETHER HE'S GOT A NEW GIRLFRIEND EITHER! I SAID NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU BITCH! LOOK AT ME DAMMIT! LOOK AT ME!" I grabbed her face to look at me in the eyes.

"I'M FUCKING DYING! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? DYING! I'LL BE GONE FROM THIS WORLD WITHIN NO MORE THAN 8 MONTHS! DO YOU KNOW WHY? DO YOU? NO YOU DON'T! SO DON'T FUCKING JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS! BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHY! I HAD SEX WITH HIM AND NOW I HAVE AIDS! AND NOW I'M DYING BEFORE HIM BECAUSE HIS IMMUNE SYSTEM IS BETTER! WHILE YOU! IGNORANT LITTLE BRAT! I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU WHILE YOU'RE GIVING ME THAT BULLSHIT OF YOURS! YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, I SHOULD JUST TELL YOU TO FUCK HIM IN THE RESTAURANT RIGHT NOW! YEAH! I'LL DRAG HIM IN AND I'LL WATCH YOU TWO FUCK! I SHOULDN'T TELL YOU THIS! I SHOULD LET YOU DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT AND I CAN JUST WATCH YOU DIE!

"BUT _NO-O-O_! I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU BECAUSE I'M SO DAMN NICE WHILE YOU'RE JUST BEING A PAIN IN THE ASS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU? HE HAS AIDS! IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH HIM YOU'LL DIE! IS THAT JUST SO FUCKING HARD TO COMPREHEND!"

She looked at my raged expression with her own frail and frightened face. "Y-You're… you're lying…" She finally stuttered.

I slammed her against the bathroom door in frustration as she let out a cry of pain. "You brainless piece of shit." I shook my head and laughed like I was mad. "Stupid, stupid me… what was I think? Telling you? I should just let you die and take satisfaction in your pain… And watch you being ditched by Kevin… because THAT'S WHAT HE DID TO ME!"

She shrunk back but I could see the fear in her eyes as clear as day. "So go ahead." I told her. "Go fuck him. Go fuck him a hundred times if you don't believe me. But think about it. This is your life." I opened the bathroom door drunkenly. "You can go now." I told her.

But she stood there still staring at me.

"YOU CAN GO NOW!"

But she still didn't move.

Finally Kevin came and took her in his arms. "Okay, what the HELL DID YOU DO TO HER YOU—"

I slammed the bathroom door in his face.

I sat on the ground leaning against the bathroom door for only about 2 minutes when someone knocked on the other side. "Sakura… you better come out soon… I didn't make reservations for this washroom…"

"Get the hell away from me…" I mumbled with my hands over my face.

"You can't stay in there forever…"

"Yes I can…"

"Then I'm coming in to drag you out."

"Right. You're really going to come into the girl's washroom."

"If that's what it takes to get you out."

I rolled my eyes and didn't say anything. There was no point in arguing with him. Yet to my surprise, the door was suddenly pushed open as I was knocked to the ground.

"Sorry about that…" He said walking in and closing the door behind him.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? GET OUT YOU STUPID ASSHOLE! OUT!"

"Woah!" He held his hands up as if to defend himself. "Don't eat me! I'm just here to make sure you're okay…"

Nothing gets this guy mad! I swear! What the hell is wrong with him? "WELL I'M PERFECTLY FINE SO YOU CAN GET OUT!" I cried sitting down at the corner of the washroom.

"No you're not…" He said sitting beside me. "Listen, I heard what happened between you and Lori… and I also know everything that happened between you and Kevin…"

"WELL THANKS FOR MEDDLING IN MY PRIVATE LIFE!"

"Listen I know why you're mad at him, I want to beat him up too. He's a pretty bad guy—"

I stared at him.

"Okay, he's a real bastard." He finally admitted. "But right now I can tell you're upset mostly because of what happened with Lori… forgive her… it's Valentine's Day after all… spread some love…"

"She's not my boyfriend, lover or anything of that sort."

"See? That's what modern day people think. They assume Valentine's day is merely a day when lovers get together to have a romantic time… but that's not the case…"

I raised an eyebrow. "Elaborate."

"The true meaning of Valentine's Day isn't romance but Love. Love can be from anyone and can go to anyone. That includes your boyfriend, best friend, father, mother, siblings, teachers, friends, or even including people you don't know! Valentine's day is a day when you spread your love towards everyone… like Lori. Sure, she's been a real pain in the ass, but have some compassion, spread some love… forgive her, don't be mad at her… instead, love her… And let that love rise about the hatred…"

I looked at him sceptically. "So Valentine's Day isn't for lovers."

"Of course not!"

I kept looking at him not believing a word he just said. "Are you sure about that?"

"Definitely! Otherwise why am I taking you to dinner?"

"HEY!" I cried. "I take that very offensively!"

He let me hit him knowing fully well he deserved it. "I'm just kidding." He said grinning as he stood up taking my hand. "So you feeling better now?"

It suddenly occurred to me how easily he was able to snap me out of my heavy misery. "Yeah…" I admitted standing up. "So, what _is_ the meaning of Valentine?"

"Okay, I admit, I lied… Valentine's day is specially made for lovers around the world…" He said sheepishly as we walked back towards our table.

"Now that's clear, why _are_ you taking me out to dinner?"

"Can't it be simply out of my good deed?"

"No."

"Well, that's the truth."

"Right…" I rolled my eyes.

* * *

We spent the rest of the evening in the restaurant. I felt much better even though Kevin, Kenji, Elli and Lori's appearance two tables next to me did at times divert my attention and make me rather sad. But Syaoran managed to keep my attention to him with just one smart comment of his each time.

We came home at 11:00pm and I found a golden heart shaped locket on my bed stand with a note next to it. "Is this from you again?" I accused Syaoran.

He held his hands up in defence. "I was with you all night, it's not possible."

"Right." I took the letter and read it.

_It was very thoughtful of you, dear child, to remember me and share a portion of your love with me on Valentine's Day. After all, what means the most are what comes from the heart and not what money can buy._

_This locket was meant for my daughter whenever she came to visit me… but she hasn't been her for so long, and you've just been so considerate today that I think you deserve it. You may put your own, or someone's picture inside, and it's said that as long as you keep this locket with you, the person of the picture inside will always be with you._

_I do hope you like it, dear child._

_And I also wish you have the love-filled Valentine you deserve._

_-Madeleine._

I was so shocked when I read this message. Also guilty. I made her so happy by that simple gesture yet I was complaining about having to give her anything. I looked at Syaoran. Even though he didn't read the letter, after I was done processing it through my mind he already knew. "This was meant for you…" I told him.

"No." He said. "It's for you. It's a token of the bounding you've now started with her. Do take care her, she's lonelier than you, and whatever good you do, will come back to you ten folds."

"But… you bought the present, you wanted her to have it… it was from your heart…"

"No, I bought the present, yes, but I wanted you to want her to have it… like she said, what comes from the heart means more than that which comes from money. You did wish for her happiness even if it took you until now to realize that."

I looked down at the locket and could almost hit myself for my selfish thoughts earlier.

"So, do you want me to take a picture of you right now so you can put it in the locket? I can probably go buy a disposable camera right now…"

"I want a picture of you." I told him with a straight face.

"Oh. Fair enough." He reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture of him probably taken from a year ago and handed it to me.

I smiled, opened the locket and carefully slipped the picture in, and closed the cover over it, and I knew I would keep this safe with me no matter what.

"I'm very flattered." He said.

"As you should be." I replied.

"Well, I better be going now, and you should try to get some sleep tonight…" He said as he carried me up and placed me on my bed. "Good night angel, I'll see you later." He kissed me on my cheek and turned around to leave.

"Wait." I said.

"Yes?" He asked turning around.

"You said 'see you later'. What does that mean? Do you mean, see you later, or see you tomorrow? You're coming back tomorrow, aren't you?"

He hesitated. "We'll see."

"No! I want you to come see me tomorrow!"

"Sakura…"

"Please?" I begged.

"I… I won't promise anything I can't fulfill."

"Why won't you come tomorrow? Do I annoy you?"

"It's not that…"

"Then what is it? Tell me!"

He looked at me but didn't say anything.

I reached forward and grabbed his hand. "If you can't promise me you're not leaving me tonight."

"Sakura, I have to go…"

"No you don't! I want you to at least stay with me tonight if you're not coming tomorrow!" I cried feeling tears stinging my eyes.

He looked a bit worried, but finally sat down on the bed beside me. "All right." He said. "I'll stay with you tonight."

"Really?" I smiled even though my eyes were still wet.

"Yes, really."

"I'll ring the nurses to get you some pyjamas."

"Not, it's quite all right, I'll be fine like this…"

"Okay." I replied happily. "Then I'll stay dressed like this too." I looked at him and somehow, a thought occurred to me. "Kiss me goodnight." I told him.

"I already did…"

"No. That wasn't enough." I smiled mischievously. "I want a Valentine kiss."

He blinked. "What?"

"How do people kiss on Valentine's Day?"

"Sakura…"

"Yes? What's wrong? Are you scared you might catch my disease? Well for your information it can't be passed on this way, only if you have sex with me you'll get my disease which is why I trust to sleep in the same bed as you."

He chuckled a bit. "It's not that… I don't mind… but if I do kiss you it might not end too pretty…"

"What." I rolled my eyes. "Afraid I'll be too attached to you?"

"No…"

"Just do it, I don't care what happens, I just want to end a beautiful Valentine's Day in the most appropriate way."

"Okay then." I closed my eyes as he leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips.

But he didn't go any further and instead only pulled back. Suddenly I remembered the night when Kevin came and I remembered how I'd begged him and he had kissed me the same way. I felt tears in my eyes and I began to cry.

"Shh… it's okay…" He said hugging me to him.

"Oh God…" I wept. So he knew… he knew what happened between me and Kevin probably when he read Kevin's mind during dinner… and he knew I was asking him to kiss me the same way as I'd asked Kevin to kiss me… he also knew he had no right to give me a deep kiss and the fact that giving me a light kiss would only remind me of the night when Kevin kissed me for the last time. Oh God… he knew my mind more clearly than I did! But people never trust other people's words unless they truly experienced it themselves… I finally believed what he said about it not ending too pretty, but it's too late now… If only I'd listened earlier…

I cried against his chest. "Why did he do that to me… why did he do that? Why doesn't he love me… did I do something wrong?"

"Shhh… it's all going to be okay… it's not your fault… try and understand that… you did nothing wrong… he was simply being a pompous bastard, you did nothing wrong angel…"

"So why doesn't he love me? Why did he leave me?"

"Because you two aren't meant to be… it's not your fault at all… you loved him truly with all you could give… it's his fault, that's where it went wrong… don't cry now…"

He lay down on the bed as he helped me do the same. I hugged him tightly and wondered why Kevin could not be as nice as Syaoran was to me.

He patted me gently; telling me soothing words as slowly, I stopped crying and my eyes became heavy.

"Do not ever blame yourself…" He was whispering. "Remember this, it's not your fault…"

I sighed one last time and snuggled close to him. "Don't leave me, Syaoran…" I whispered. "When I wake up tomorrow morning, I want to you next to me, understand?"

He didn't say anything, but I was too tired to pursue him to promise me.

_Stay with me…_

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**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

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**Author's Note: **_I shouldn't say this, but the next chapter will be the last chapter of Sakura. After that it'll be Orubia and Yelen, and Kevin, and Lori, and Madeleine as all your unanswered questions will be answered. I had planned to make this chapter and the next the same one, but I realized that would be way too long._

_8215 Words… Longer than all the other chapters…_


	6. Li Syaoran, my Final Wish

**Author's Note: **_I'm sorry for such a late update guys… I've been really sick lately and writing Reality's Difference makes my inspiration take a long nosedive. I hate that damn story. :P I feel so weak lately and that's why I haven't been typing but then I keep thinking about it day and night so I know I have to start typing soon or I'm going to go crazy… I'm glad this story touched so many of you, because this is one of my most proudly written stories too, because it hold deeper meaning._

FAQ 

Here are the questions you asked**LilacBlu**, and because you asked I'll answer them.

**Q: sakura is gonna die, right?**

A: Yep.  
**Q: why was syaoran so hesitant in staying?**

A: This is one of the things you'll find out next chapter.  
**Q: is lori and kevin really an important aspect?**

A: They're not important, but I keep them in, because in the end you'll see, we all get what we deserve.  
**Q:what does orubia have to do with yelan?**

A: Nothing until she wants to find out something on her own after reading Sakura's diary…  
**Q:orubia is a girl right?**

A: Lol yes.  
**Q: why is the next chappy the last of s and s?**

A: Sakura'll be dead.  
**Q: what is the percentage of the importance of orubia in da story?**

A: Very much if you want your unanswered questions to be answered.  
**Q: in orubia's time how many days have passed since sakura's last entry in the diary?**

A: Well it takes long for me to write these chapters but in real days there has only been maybe 4 hours that's passed…  
**Q: how many chapters will this story go?**  
A: I'm not too sure… But maybe around a total of 8 or 9?  
**Q: does syaoran have any possible feeligns for sakura... and how deep is ur estimate?**

A: Well I can't answer that… :)

I hope that clears things up for you!

)**Yuri Sawamura**( - Right, everything but hope… I'm sorry this story made you cried… well, it proves it's touching but sorry I had you emotional like that… don't worry, Sakura and Syaoran will get the ending they deserve…

)**Manuca**( Yes, the nicely written ones are actually quite… okay to read… but it's just that the plot has been written out so many times and there are only a certain number of possibilities… the more you hate a person the more you care, I agree but I don't agree that you can end up falling in love with them… I dunno, maybe that's just me because when I feel something I basically set the line down right there and if I hate you, you're going to live through hell for every year I have to see you… I'm not one to change my mind even if I feel something may be different… but perhaps others are different…? But yes, if the person is a good author and are into the story they're writing, something repetitive CAN turn out to be quite well done.

)**pick22**( - Yes, Syaoran's really rich… you'll see in this chapter… :) Yes, the lady in the beginning with Orubia's Madeleine too, this story is written in flashback meaning Sakura's obviously already dead in story present time… any other questions I can't answer just yet. :)

**-**

**Chapter Six**

_Li Syaoran; my Final Wish_

**-**

I woke up the next morning and yawned happily snuggling closer to Syaoran.

What the hell… why is he fuzzy?

I opened my eyes and saw something white. Opening my eyes further I realized that he was gone, and the thing in my arms was my Christmas present—the teddy bear. "Damn you!" I growled throwing the bear on the ground.

What's the meaning of this! How dare he? How _dare_ he! I ask one thing of him and he can't complete it. What's wrong with him? Is he really that afraid of my disease? Everybody knows AIDS can't be passed on by casual contact! Goddammit, he can't just fool me with a stupid bear! Does he think this is funny or something? UGH!

* * *

Minutes later I calmed myself down and realized I was throwing an unnecessary fit. He had given me the happiest day of my life and yet all I could do was be an ungrateful brat and complain. Still, I wish he would come. I wish he would come to visit me again so badly…

It's only February 27th right now, and if my assumptions were correct, I still have to live through the entire month of March, and then he'll be here on April 1st, my birthday…

But I don't know if I can live that long… because lately, I've finally started feeling the real pain of AIDS, and realized that before, all the problems were caused by me… yet now, as time draws closer to an ending, I feel my body abandoning me, and I can almost smell death, the decay of body, my immune system fighting with the virus, and losing… I find myself sleeping more and more everyday… not very noticeably, but I'm waking up averagely 5 minutes later every 4 days. It's not something any normal person would take notice of… but when you have all the time in the world to ponder, you think about things and notice the smallest detail. I hope I won't end up sleeping one day and never waking up…

No… at least not yet… I can't die just yet… I must hold on, and at least see Syaoran one last time… that's right… I just have to hold on for one more month, and everything's going to be fine…

* * *

March 22nd

I took a walk in the hospital garden with Madeleine today. I honestly have no idea why I volunteered to push her in her wheelchair when I should be reserving all my energy into living past April 1st. But I offered, and there was no going back.

Madeleine told me her daughter's name was Madina, who was the same age as me. She also told me she was only 31 right now, which after some calculation showed me Madeleine must've had her child when she was only around 14 or 15.

"Correct." She replied. "I had my Madina very early… and I was very immature at the time, that's why I suppose we never really bonded much… and when I was finally ready to be a mother, it was already too late for me… I had to live at the hospital, and from then, we saw each other even less than before…"

"Pardon me for asking…" I said after a thoughtful minute. "But AIDS can be passed on through body fluids and that includes breast milk… did you get AIDS after you got pregnant with her, or before? Because you do realize she could have this deadly disease inside of her right now…"

Madeleine chuckled as she pulled a dandelion from the ground. "To tell you the truth I'm not very sure… I slept with other guys as much I had before after she was born… but I do not think she's sentenced to hell… because a person can be a carrier for only so long… up to 15 years or so they say… she's been this way for 17 years now… if anything were to happen, it would've happened already…"

"Oh… well that's good… it would seem unfair that she's born with a such a disease when she hasn't done anything…"

Madeleine laughed softly. "She's sleeping with guys as often as I had nowadays… I wouldn't be surprise if she ends up in here one day too…"

I raised an eyebrow. "And you're just going to lie here and not tell her the consequences?"

"She knows… oh, she knows… but she doesn't care… every time I try to warn her, she just throw it all back in my face, and tell me how I had no right to tell her anything because she's only following my example… and now we don't even see each other anymore… I can't even communicate with her… she has phone display and never pick up when I call… our relationship is lost…"

"Oh. That's sad."

"Yes, but it's all right, dear, because you do look so much like her…"

I blinked. That's great. Her real daughter hates her and her daughter look alike isn't any better. I sighed, feeling guilty once again.

"So, who was that young man that visited you on Valentine's day? Was he also your 'special visitor' for New Year's Eve?"

I snorted. "I wish. No, he's not… my 'special visitor' was a complete arrogant bastard. Syaoran's nothing like that."

She chuckled. "I see you've taken quite a liking to him… it's too bad he only visits so little…"

I looked away frowning a bit. "Well, I mean, I don't mind at all… he told me… he told me he's busy preparing for the next time we meet so that's why… and besides, it's not that big a deal, I can survive just fine without him…." My ass. I'm practically begging every shooting star that ever existed to bring him to me.

"Wow… he certainly takes a while to prepare… I bet they're heavenly though…"

"Oh, yes, they definitely are…" I smiled to myself remembering the last Valentine's Day. "They most definitely are…"

About another 20 minutes later Dr. Ada came along and said it was time for my blood exchanging shit so we went back. After that I just sort of lost interest, and spent the rest of the day in my normal schedule: Sleep, blood exchange, eat, sleep.

This is all Syaoran's fault. Every time he comes the doctors are so nice because he's a "legal volunteer" and I don't have to go through all this crap… but that irresponsible guy is constantly away! Boy am I going to give him a piece of my mind…

March 31st

Finally! I managed to live till this day, although I feel incredibly weak and most of the time I feel tired simply by standing. I feel like everything's being drawn to the ground and gravity has multiplied by 20. Whenever I stand I feel my legs weak, and the rest of my body heavy. I really hope I won't be crippled again…

Now for more important matters. I'm going to bed right now, and tomorrow morning, I know—I hope—that Syaoran will be here and will treat me to somewhere special. But I must control myself, and remember to scream in his face for leaving me all by myself for long.

Damn right. He's not just going to come every time and have me greet him with a smiling face! Why should he always be welcomed when I have to suffer so much? It's just not fair! So tomorrow he's going to get a piece of my mind and whether he likes it or not that's his problem. I'm going to have my opinions heard.

That's right.

I scolded myself one last time, before pulling my blanket over my chest.

* * *

Something's stroking my hair.

My eyelid fluttered as I adjusted to the bright sun. Who the damn hell opened up my curtains?

I opened my eyes and saw someone's legs. Looking up some more I saw his face. Oh God. He's here! Oh my God! Yes! Yes! He's here! "Syaoran!" I squealed hugging him tightly. "Oh my Gosh you're here!"

He grinned that usual grin that I loved so much. "Hey. Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah." I replied with a huge smile. "But that's okay. I'm so glad to see you! So, where are we going today?"

"Well…" He said thoughtfully. "I want to take you somewhere special…"

"You know I'm always up for an adventure. Anywhere you want to take me is fine." I removed my arms from around his neck and looked through my drawers for something nice to where.

"I want to take you somewhere far away."

"No problem. No one would miss me."

He chuckled. "Say… how about… Hong Kong?"

I paused, then looked up with sparkling eyes. "Really?" I gushed.

"Yeah, it's a very special occasion after all…"

I could've cried then. I can't believe this! He's taking me all the way to Hong Kong for my birthday! How sweet and thoughtful! "You remembered…" I murmured with joy.

"Of course! How can I forget? It's April Fool's Day!"

"HUH?" I blinked. Did he just say _April Fool's Day_!

Oh well that's just amazingly wonderful. He could've been the most romantic guy but instead he had to ruin it. Nice going. I growled and turned away from him pretending to busy myself trying to find some cloth. "Oh, right, I get it. Ha-ha. Very funny. So that was just a joke. I should've seen that coming."

"Hey, I just said it was April Fool's I never said we weren't going to Hong Kong!" He defended.

"Right. Seriously, where are we going?" I grumbled. This is just wonderful. He forgot my fucking birthday. How smooth.

"I told you, Hong Kong."

I rolled my eyes. He's not giving up is he? "Fine, I believe you." I lied not really caring where we're going any ways. "So let me get my stuff and we'll go." I pulled out a pair of white pants and a baby blue t-shirt with a matching white sweater.

He chuckled. "You trust me too much, you know. You don't say yes so casually to someone who's taking you to another country… For all you know, I could take you all the way there where you know no one and no one knows you and then take advantage of you."

"Go ahead." I shot back. "But boy are you going to regret it when you end up in the hospital a few years from now with AIDS."

He burst out laughing. "Good point. But what if I decide to murder you instead?"

"Why not. Saves me from a few more months of misery. I'll be dead within 3 months anyways."

"Well, we're certainly positive today…"

"Turn around I'm going to change."

"Sure."

I put on all of my clothing, still angry with him for forgetting my birthday and refusing to look at him, I asked, "All right, where _are_ we going?"

"Hong Kong."

"Oh my God! You just never know when to quit do you?"

I turned away from him and searched for the locket that Madeleine gave me. I carried it with me everywhere I went so Syaoran (his picture) was always near me. But at that moment I was ready to rip the picture out and replace it with some other random guy's just to piss him off for pissing me off.

But suddenly, he was right behind me, his chest was touching my back and I froze.

He held out two pieces of rectangular paper and held it under my eyes from behind me.

I looked down.

Oh. My. God.

Two plane tickets to Hong Kong.

He leaned down some more until his mouth was right besides my ear. "Happy birthday, angel." He whispered.

I spun around in shock. "Y-You really did remember…" I muttered.

"Of course." He replied with a huge, triumphant grin. "How could I forget?"

"B-But… but you were saying it was April Fools and all and how you made it seem it was a joke and then like you forgot my birthday so I thought you remember April Fools instead of my—"

"Yes, I said it was April Fool's, and it is. But you assumed I forgot your birthday."

"B-But—!"

He shrugged and blinked innocently. "What's the matter? I never said I forgot your birthday… besides, I didn't lie about anything; I told you we were going to Hong Kong and it was you who didn't believe me."

"B-But—!"

He laughed and grabbed my hand. "There's no need to bring anything, we're leaving right now."

"Hey! I still have to pack my suitcases! And call my parents! And tell my doctors! And—"

"I have permission from your dad and doctor. I just have to return you to the hospital before 6:00am tomorrow morning."

"Wow…" I murmured. "Dr. Ada really is going to let me be away for more than 12 hours and miss all my blood exchanges?"

"No, but I bribed him into saying yes."

I raised an eyebrow. "He's bribable?"

"Difficult but not impossible." He winked.

I scoffed. "Save it. So how did you do it?"

"That's my little secret."

"Right." I rolled my eyes.

"All right, we better get going."

"Sure, but aren't you forgetting something?"

"Nope."

"Err… how about we try… the plane tickets!"

"Oh those!" He waved his hand. "I brought those to convince you I wasn't lying. They're not necessary though. It's a private jet."

I gawked at him. "_Private!_"

"Yeah, I own it."

"Pcha. Don't believe you."

"We'll see then."

Only then did I remember that I was supposed to yell at him. Well, too late now.

* * *

Half an hour later I am standing on concrete ground with a small jet in front of me and where there was a butler that called Syaoran 'Master Li'. This is getting really freaky.

"See? I don't lie, my darling."

"How rich are you exactly?"

"More than you originally thought."

"That's for sure."

The stairs descended from the plane and I walked up; boarding.

"You know, I can drive this thing too if you want…"

I looked at him sceptically. "Sure whatever. But I'd prefer to live than die so soon."

"I figured you'd say that. Don't worry, I hired special pilots."

"That's a relief." I paused. "How experienced are they?"

"Very. Don't worry about a thing, sleep, 'cause you're going to need your energy."

"How long will it take before we get to Hong Kong?"

"About two hours or so. Depending on how cooperative the weather is. Buckle your seat belt."

It feels amazing to be here, on a private jet. The seats were wide and comfortable and there were beds to the right of us. This feels like a first-class ticket.

"All ready, sir?" A voice said through a speaker.

"Yes."

"Then away we go."

The plane ran around a couple of circles and began to ascend into the air. It wasn't all that amazing because I've been on a plane before so I gave the window seat to Syaoran. After all, I was far more interested in their service—"A chocolate ice-cream cake please with some strawberries and cherries too maybe?"

"I'm sorry miss, but we don't have ice-cream cakes. We do however have chocolate cakes with strawberries and cherries."

"Okay fine, that'll do. And can you take this away?" I asked gesturing at the cup which was previously filled with hot chocolate and whipped cream and marshmallows.

"Yes miss, is that all?"

"For now, yes."

"Anything for you, Master Li?"

He shook his head lightly, still looking outside the window.

"I would suggest at least some warm water, master Li."

"Yeah okay." He replied still not moving.

The guy bows and left.

"Hey c'mon." I poked him. "Why aren't you taking advantage of this? It's a first-class free-for-all and you're staring outside the window!"

He looked at me dryly. "This is my private jet. Meaning I can come here anytime I want."

"Lucky bum…"

He laughed. "You seem to be liking his royalty life a lot, and that's good. You're going to like my family."

I choked on my cake. "Your _family_!"

"Well yeah, I mean my family's in Hong Kong and I need to get my bank card from my mom plus we need somewhere to stay for the night—"

"Okay, hold!" I held up my hand. "Listen, we're not engaged, I'm not your girlfriend, that means I don't need to meet your parents."

He raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Meeting the parents doesn't indicate anything. In my case I actually do want to see my family members."

"That's nice. I'll just be waiting for you outside or something."

"You can't. From the gates to the real entrances there's like half a kilometre in distance."

I blinked. "What? What are you talking about?"

"You'll see. Just don't worry about anything, you'll love my family."

"As much as I love my own…" I muttered.

* * *

Two hours later we finally arrived. Stepping off the plane there was a black limo waiting for us plus four bodyguards.

"Are those necessary?" I asked pointing at the guys dressed in black.

"Not those, they."

"Whatever."

"And yes they are, 'cause otherwise we'd be squashed to death by reporters."

I snorted. "Who would be interested in your life?"

He laughed. "Everyone but you."

"Damn right."

* * *

After another hour of drive we arrived at his house, or should I say, mansion.

There were bodyguards and gates and gardens and fountains and the entire structure was huge. I felt like I was touring some special ancient King's palace or something. All I could do was stare at the house/mansion/castle then at Syaoran, then back at the house/mansion/castle.

Everybody there bows when they saw Syaoran and treated him like a King. It made me feel really out of place especially thinking of the way I treated him before. Gosh I wouldn't be surprised if he really DID take me all the way to Hong Kong to murder me for my bad attitude before.

As we walked some more (he sure wasn't joking when he said the distance between the entrance and the house is about half a kilometre!) and past some more exotic trees and flowers and solid marble statues that looked decades old, more servants and maid rushed out. I assume they were the "closer household people" because they referred to Syaoran as Master Syaoran instead of Master Li.

They were all fussing around as they saw him and it made me wonder just how often did he visit and if he hated his family so much why the hell did he bring me to meet them.

"Oh Master Syaoran! You're back!"

"Master Syaoran, how are you doing?"

"You're back Master Syaoran! Oh, I must inform the Headmistresses and the other mistresses!"

"Welcome home Master Li! Mistress Yelan will be greeting you personally for today, she is utterly surprised to see you here!"

Yet Syaoran simply smiled and nodded at each of them as we continued walking for what seemed like an eternity when we reached two huge golden doors that were gleaming with expensive jewels.

We stood before it. I'm not sure what we were waiting for except Syaoran was standing as still as a tree facing the door as all the servants and maids too faced the same direction but on their knees and touching their forehead to the ground.

We waited for a couple of seconds of complete silence when the door was suddenly swung open as a very stern lady walked out slowly.

"Headmistress Yelan." The servants all said in unison.

She took my breath away.

I saw her and I literally could not breath. She did not smile at all, had very long eyes with a small, tiny but bright red mouth, plus long black pulled back into an elegant pony-tail sort of thing that reached all the way down past her legs. Her eyes held strong power, and she had this way of looking so that she was either looking at you or she was not. She was only focused on one person and that person solely, which happened to be Syaoran at this point. Though I was a guest, I could've been non-existent to her.

She stared at Syaoran in the eyes as he stared back at her.

The servants were still on the ground and she didn't bother telling them to go. She continued to stare at Syaoran as Syaoran stared right back at her. Her eyes were fiery with power and they were piercing; yet Syaoran just stared.

They stood like that for a full ten minutes. Eyes non-blinking, face showing no expressions except when the freaky lady widened her eyes ever so slightly. At last, she gave a thin smile that didn't look too convincing. "Welcome back." She said, then looked at me.

I gulped. "Err… hello… Headmistress…"

"Welcome." Then she held up her arms. "All arise." And the servants stood up as she walked back inside with the hem of her long dress trailing behind.

I let out my breath in relief. "She seems a bit old to be your wife…"

Syaoran raised an eyebrow. Apparently he wasn't disturbed by her evil looks. "She's my mother…"

Well, that certainly explains everything! Syaoran has the ability to read minds, and I bet anything his mom can do the same. "Jeez… Haven't you people ever heard of talking with your mouth?"

Syaoran smiled, but didn't deny it.

"You're back!"

We turned toward the golden doors to find four beautiful women there all staring at Syaoran with teary and wide eyes as the servants went down on their knees again saying 'mistresses'. "Oh I can't believe this, you really are here! Oh Syaoran baby we thought you had to stay in the—"

Syaoran gave them a glare more frightening than his mom's and all the women stopped talking immediately. She went pale for a minute but recovered quickly by hugging Syaoran as the other three followed. "We missed you."

"Yeah, I missed y'all too." He replied though he did not hug them back.

Finally they noticed me. "Why, hello there."

"Hello." I replied timidly.

"Are you Syaoran's girlfriend?"

"Just put a space between the 'girl' and the 'friend'."

She giggled quietly. "You're funny."

"I wasn't being funny." I muttered.

"I'm Fanren, and they are Siefa, Fuutie and Feimei."

"And I'm really going to remember all your names." I said under my breath, but smiled at them. "I'm Sakura."

"Great, now the introductions are done. See you around, maybe." They each gave Syaoran a kiss and walked back into the room forgetting to dismiss the servants. But I suppose they were used to it, for as soon as the four were gone from view, they each stood up, bowing for Syaoran then leaving

I glared at him accusingly. "You know, just because you're rich doesn't mean you can have 4 wives!"

"What's with you and getting married? They're sisters." He corrected. "And I wish I don't."

"Sisters! Oh my God how old is your mother then?"

"Pretty damn old. But the make up keeps her young." He shook his head. "And they say money can't buy everything…"

When he didn't move after another minute, I asked: "Oh are we waiting for your dad to walk out now and grace us with his presence?"

"Huh?" He replied blankly as if just snapping out of a trance. "Oh, no, he's dead."

"Oh… so are we waiting for anyone else?"

"No…"

"So I take it we're not allowed to go in anyways because we're not expensive enough for the floor."

"Oh, right, sorry, go right ahead." He finally said, leading the way.

* * *

We ended up in his room, which was probably the size of my house, and it took us 5 full minutes to get there from the entrance. This mansion was truly fit for a king. "You feel like a complete stranger to me now…" I told him honestly. "I used to think you were just a normal, nice guy, but now you're like a faraway, out of reach celebrity and I feel as if I'm not deserving to be your friend."

"Sakura—"

"God, now I know why you have never thought about your future. You have everything all laid out for you!"

"Sakura don't talk like this! I'm still the same person!" He reached out to grab my hand but I backed away. He sighed, but then took a large step towards me and wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulder. "Feel this? Isn't it familiar? That's because I'm the same. I'm not going to act like a big shot now just because I'm back on my throne because I hate this place and the only reason I brought you here was because I didn't have enough money back in Japan to give you a proper birthday present."

Birthday? Who… right. Mine. With all this commotion going on I've forgotten why we're here. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sighed. "I would've been just as happy with a walk in the park."

"I know, I know… but this is a very special birthday…"

I hugged him tighter. Yes… it's my eighteenth birthday, announcing me to be an official adult… as well as… my last. I wanted to cry then.

"Shh… don't think about such things." He kissed my auburn locks. "We're going to put all the happiness you will have in your future birthdays into this one, all right? This is why this birthday will be so special."

I nodded vigorously. I remember months ago before I met Syaoran I had asked my doctor whether I was going to live past my 18th birthday or not, and he had thought that I wasn't… I should be happy I made it… I should be overjoyed! But I'm not. I realized then that Syaoran has given me enough happiness to fill a lifetime and that my greatest regret, is to no longer be able to spend anymore time with him…

"Hey… stop with all the sad thoughts, all right? We're going to go to all sorts of place today so that you'll leave with no regrets at all… and don't worry about leaving me… because though physically I'm not with you, know that I'm next to you in every other way."

"And what if there is nothing more than the physical? What if when we die our body really just decomposes and there is nothing more than that? What if all this crap about spirituality, special connections, and soul mates were all made up?"

"No." He replied firmly. "If those weren't true then tales about people who can read minds aren't true either. Yet there's proof in front of you."

"Oh, so you admit you can read minds."

"No, I never said that, when I said there's proof right in front of you I meant my mother."

I scowled. "Just admit it will ya? Stop being so damn stubborn." I growled and pushed away from him.

He laughed. "Cheer up. C'mon, I'm going to take you on a tour, but first, since you're staying here tonight, and today is suppose to be perfect, tell me what kind of bed would you like and what sort of room?"

I thought for a bit, then with a slow smile, I replied in a low voice: "I want a room full of bright stars, and a bed that's made out of clouds."

He stared at me.

I smiled.

He paused and looked troubled for a bit, then grinned. "No problem."

"And I want you to sleep beside me tonight. Last time you ran away in the morning, this time you're not going anywhere."

"Fair enough. But this is going to take a while, and there's going to be a change of plans. I'm going to get ready here, and… you can go ask my sisters to take you shopping."

"WHAT?"

"What's wrong?"

I growled. "Thanks a lot. You bring me all the way to Hong Kong just so you can dump me on your freaky sisters? No way! If you don't want me near you you could've just left me in Japan thank you very much! Don't bring me to some foreign country and then tell me to go with some unknown species!"

"No, it's not like that! This is good for you! My sisters know the best shopping malls and they'll buy anything you want! It's going to be fun!"

"What if I just want to stay with you?"

"Well I have to get your room ready tonight, and I don't want to ruin the surprise…"

"Fine, I change my mind. We'll just stay in your room tonight."

"Nonsense. Go talk to Fanren and tell her to take you shopping as a message from me."

"Great. This means she doesn't like me but is only taking me because it's a message from his majesty."

"Sakura, don't be difficult…"

"Difficult? Why would I be difficult? I mean just because you want to keep me 600000 km away from you doesn't mean I'm offended at all!"

"Sakura, it's not like that and you know it… if I didn't like you I wouldn't have came to visit you today and bring you all the way here…"

"Yeah? Well maybe guilt drove you to."

"Please, I do nothing for guilt. I do everything I want."

"So you kicking me away from you means you really want me to get the hell away from you and stop invading your personal bubble."

"Sakura—"

"Hey, don't give me that look, I'm not offended at all! I'll go with your sisters if that's what you want me to." Without letting him explain, I stormed out of the room.

* * *

I have to admit. Shopping with his sisters really wasn't that bad, and they certainly weren't as alien as I had expected. They bought me more cloth than I ever had and gave me just about every type of makeup there ever was. And most of all, the four ladies were not the least bit annoying. In fact they were so nice to me the whole time I felt sort of guilty for talking behind their back.

We came home late at night after we had dinner and everything. It was around 8:30 pm when we arrived in the living room of the gigantic mansion. Syaoran was sitting on the couch in his PJs, and smiled when he saw me.

Feimei dragged me upstairs, changed my clothing into one of her nightgowns and brought me back down along with the other three. "So," he asked after his sisters waved goodbye to me and went up the stairs holding all the stuff I bought. "How was it?"

I sighed in defeat. "Okay, okay, you were right, like always. They were really nice to me and I had a lot of fun. I shouldn't have been offended when you made me go with them."

"I thought you said you weren't offended."

"You know what I mean!"

He laughed. "Yeah, I'm just teasing you."

"Well I don't exactly appreciate being teased."

He held out his hand. "We should go to sleep now, after all we do have to get up at 2:30 tomorrow morning since I have to get you back to the hospital at 6:00."

"Oh boy, you're going to have to dump cold water on me to get me awake that early."

"No problem. Consider it done."

I glared at him. "I was being sarcastic."

"So was I. I would never do something as mean as that."

"Right." I rolled my eyes.

He grabbed my hand. "So let's go. Your clouds and stars are waiting."

I raised my eyebrows suspiciously. "I'm going to slap you across the face if you're lying to me."

He winked. "Go right ahead, but I get to do the same to you if I weren't?"

"Guys can't hit girls!" I defended.

"I know. Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Sure."

"Then close your eyes."

I did as he told me to, but yelped when I felt him picking me up—one hand supporting my back, the other holding my legs. "What are you doing?"

"Just close your eyes."

I hesitated a bit, but closed my eyes anyways.

I had no idea where we were going, except I soon felt a chill of air, and heard a few clicks, then I was descending slowly, and finally, something puffy and smooth and silky surrounded me… clouds?

"Look straight up and no where else. Open your eyes."

I did what he told me to.

At that moment I blossomed.

I felt my breath caught in my throat as I watched sparkles across the night sky. They were stars… they really were! Bright stars, each with its unique glow and each a different shape and size. I took a deep breath for I felt so overwhelmed I was sure I was going to suffocate. I let my hand fall off my stomach and that's when I remembered the fuzziness near me.

It's true.

A dream come true.

He did keep his promise!

Oh my gosh, I had no idea this was even possible! I was floating on clouds, and among the stars.

It was pitch black everywhere around me, which made the stars multiply by a hundred times. There were more stars than I would ever have been able to see in the city. It was absolutely beautiful. There were so many tiny glows that I was sure it could light up the whole world.

"Syaoran…" I breathed.

He lay down beside me and took my hand. "I never break a promise…"

"But… oh, you really didn't have to…" I could feel tears in my eyes but I didn't want to cry because I have only cried in the past in pain. I didn't want to mix the two emotions together into one.

"Yes I did. It's your birthday, after all."

Yes, my birthday, a day that I will remember, and I know this day I will definitely never forget.

* * *

Half an hour later we were still gazing at the stars, when I suddenly asked him a question out of the blue. "Syaoran… do you think… if we had met under different circumstances… like, if I wasn't going to die, we would have maybe dated?"

"Sure." He replied without hesitating. "I certainly don't see why not. We get along better than most people…"

I sighed a bit sadly. "It's too bad we had to meet like this…"

"Actually you know… we could even, you know… date now if only… if only… if only…" He stopped.

"If only what?" I asked curiously turning to him.

"N-Nothing…" He sighed.

"What is it?"

"Don't think too much about it… I think the way we're going now is just fine."

"Yeah…" I replied, then I reached out with my arms and embraced him. I could almost swear that there was a tiny tug at the corner of his lips as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"But then again… if you think about it… if you were still healthy and weren't in the hospital, I don't think we would've ever met… and even if we did, you'd still be with Kevin right now…"

"Screw Kevin. If I saw you I'd ditch him in the blink of an eye."

He chuckled. "You say that now but would you really say that if you never even knew me then? I know how obsessed you are with Kevin…"

"I am not, obsessed—"

He hugged my face to his chest, shutting me up. "Fate is a funny thing. The strangest people meet under the strangest circumstances, yet the way we met, is probably the greatest way we could've met. I believe we could not have met under a better time."

I thought about it, and slowly, I nodded. "Maybe…" I muttered, yawning.

"Exactly. Don't temper with what you can't mess with, and let the world run through all the courses it needs to. Everything will work out in the end…"

"Everything will…"

"Yes… believe in that, and do not ever, be afraid…"

"Don't be afraid…"

"Not even of death…"

"Of death…"

As my eyes slowly closed, as I began losing consciousness, I thought about Syaoran, of the stars, of my comfortable bed that I still don't know what its material is, and I felt as if I were truly one with the sky, and that I was flying high.

* * *

"Shit! Get up! Sakura! Up!"

There was screaming and pulling and shaking.

"GET UP! PLEASE! UP!"

I rubbed my eyes. "Syaoran?"

"Yes, it's me!"

I smiled. He really didn't leave this time. It really was the most perfect birthday a girl could've asked for. "Thanks for everything yesterday…"

"Great, I'm glad you're happy but we've really got to go!"

I blinked. What's going on? Why is he suddenly so fussy?"

"Sakura! It's 3:30 and it takes approximately 2 hours to get back to your hospital so we have to be on the plane by 4:00! Even then there's no guarantee if we'll be exactly on time!"

"So what if we're not?" I asked getting up. "It's not that big a deal… the hospital won't mind if I'm just a couple of minutes late…"

"Yes, it is a big deal! Get up and get dressed! Hurry!"

He ran out of the room leaving me dazed at what just happened.

I crawled on my knees and then looked down. Cotton and silk. Smart imitation of clouds.

* * *

We were on the plane at 4:05, and by the time the plane was in the sky it was already 4:20. Syaoran looked unnatural nervous as he kept swallowing and frowning. He kept saying it was a big deal if we were late but never quite explained why, so after 6235 times of asking I just sort of gave up.

"Hey Syaoran… my legs feel kind of numb right now…"

"Yeah, maybe something to do with the uncomfortable ride…"

"I don't think so… seriously, it hurts and at the same time I'm losing feeling… it's really creepy…"

"Don't worry about it…" He looked back at his watch.

I frowned a bit. What's going on? He doesn't seem to care about me at all during this moment.

By the time we landed and got out of the plane it was 5:50 and Syaoran was frantic, almost to the point of insanity. "C'mon! We gotta go!" He cried pulling my arm along with him. "Taxi! Taxi! Yes, you over there!" He opened the back door, shoved me in and then got in after me.

I could almost see the beads of sweat rolling down his face as he told the driver the hospital's address. In fact he was so nervous he forgot his safety belt.

Then something really scary happened. After about five minutes passed of nerve-wracking silence in the taxi, Syaoran began to hyperventilate a little. He leaned against the window and he was honestly pale beyond explanation.

I began to get worried. "Syaoran… are you… okay?" I asked testily.

"Fine… just fine… think, caught a cold today morning or, or, o-or, s-something, thing…"

I didn't ask anymore seeing as he was in pain just talking, but that didn't stop me from worrying.

Another five minutes later we were in front of the hospital. God bless the empty traffic and the driver daringly going over speed limit for $200.

"G-go…" Syaoran told me, though his eyes seemed a bit defocused by now.

"Put your arms around me… I'll help you walk."

"No, no… I'm, I'm okay…" He looked at his watch as another sweat rolled down the side of his paste coloured face. "Go…"

Quickly, I registered back at the nurse's front desk and went back in my room with Syaoran behind me. He gave a tired smile. "H-Hope you had a, a, had a, gre-grea-great birth, birthday…"

"I did… Syaoran… thank you so much… really, it was the best thing that's ever happened to me… actually, you're the best thing that ever happened to me…"

He gave another tired smile. "I, I got to, got to g-go…" Carefully, he turned around, only to fall face flat on the ground.

"SYAORAN!"

Horrified, I leapt out of bed and sat on the ground beside him. "Oh God, Syaoran! What's happening to you? What's going on here?"

He twitched violently on the ground. "GAAAAH!" He gave a cry of raw pain, and I felt my heart tearing for him. He withered on the ground and clawed at the concrete, squirming this way and that, as if something's eating him alive inside.

"Oh my God… what's happening to you? Syaoran! Talk to me!" A drop of tear fell on my lap as my vision continues to blur. I glanced down at my watch. 6:02am. What's going here? What's going on? It's not about the doctor is it? It never was! Something's happening to him! Not to me, but him! He wanted me back here by 6:00am so he could escape and not let me see him like this… but why is he like this? What on earth is going on? "Syaoran… don't die on me… I don't know what's happening to you but I'm going to get a doctor… but first just cooperate with me and let me take you to my bed… it's too cold on the ground here."

I stood up on two legs and began to pull him, yet to my surprised, I only moved him about an inch on the ground when I collapsed. "Aaah!" A yelp escaped my lips as I found myself on the ground. "W-What's going on…?" I tried getting up again, only to realize that my legs weren't moving at all."

Syaoran looked up a tiny bit. "You're… you're… you're… crippled… your legs… they've, they've f-f-finally, nally, given up…"

"NO!" I looked down in horror. Not now! Please, not now! I felt the hot tears pour out of my eyes uncontrollably as I tried over and over again to stand. Yet it wasn't a struggle, because my legs were truly broken. Instead, I was more at peace than I had ever been, just that these legs do not belong to me any longer and I cannot control them. "No… not now…" I cried finally falling on top of Syaoran, hugging him to me. "Not now…"

We struggled on the ground like two birds with broken wings, trying to fly back into the air, but the more we supported each other, the weaker the each of us got, and the further away the sky appeared. I was dying, and he seemed to be dying too. The sight was pitiful, how helpless we are yet the harder we tried.

"I-I'm okay…" He grunted in pain as he attempted to stand, only to collapse as another cry of pain escaped his lips.

"Stop… stop it! You're hurting yourself!"

"N-No… I'm, I'm f-fine…" He crawled towards the wall, and leaning on it, inch by inch, he moved up and stood leaned completely against the wall, biting hard into his lips and panting. But that lasted for less than 10 seconds before he was back on the ground, rolling, squirming.

"HELP! Somebody! HELP! PLEASE! HELP US! HELP HIM! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY!"

There was a low croaking. "S-Sakura…?"

I looked up, Madeleine has been woken up by my screaming. "H-Help… help him, please…" I begged, and I knew nothing more.

* * *

I could never explain what happened to Syaoran because I never found out. Sometimes I think about it and it feels almost like a dream to me, because looking back all I can see are his smiles, his laughs, his chuckles, and the way he was so healthy and nice and happy all the time. That night seemed almost surreal. Yet the sad looks Madeleine and Dr. Ada cast me told me otherwise.

I do not believe Syaoran is dead, because I know he is a fighter. I know that something like that is not normal, but I also know that people who have a dying disease dies slowly, through a period of time, they don't just suddenly die on the floor like that. At the same time I wonder, how did he know it was going to happen at exactly 6:00am? And just what kind of disease is triggered that exact? Certainly my disease never listens to me. Otherwise it would've broke my leg just 2 minutes later.

Nothing seems to make sense to me now, and I can only pray for the best.

Like Syaoran said, everything works out in the end, and usually in the best way.

I lay in my bed now, because my legs have finally exhausted their life, I am now completely crippled and sit in my bed now, waiting for death. I feel everything has become more difficult. The simple gestures of swallowing, breathing, even blinking.

What's going to happen to me?

Death, of course, is the only answer… but is there really no other choice? After all this time I realize I still could not fully accept my fate. Perhaps only when it happens, will I finally understand and know that this is no joke, and it can never be reversed.

However… as selfish as it sounds, as stupid as it sounds… I'm still… still hoping for one thing.

Syaoran.

I do want to see him again, really. To know that he's all right, and to know he will be the last person I see.

I looked at my calendar. The next date is… July 13th. His birthday. There's nothing significant in between.

I sighed. It's June 30th right now, and I cough constantly and breathe poorly and eat very little. My body is failing me and there's nothing I can do. Summer vacation has already started and there are children playing nearby. I can hear their joyous laughter and I'm not jealous, because I constantly think of Syaoran. I have to live… I just have to! Just 13 more days and he'll be here… he never breaks a promise, remember? He never did, never does and never will. On his birthday he will come and we'll celebrate it together… that's right… just live for 13 more days and everything will be fine…

I will stop writing now, because already I am tired by the simple gesture of moving my hands and clutching this pen. I want sleep…

* * *

July 11th

11 days. 11 days have passed. Just two more now, and he will be here. Please, God, help me… just pull me through another 2 days and then I will see Syaoran before I die… just two more days… God please, you can't abandon me now!

I cough loudly and spit out some blood. My saliva is tainted with redness and I feel sick to my stomach. My skin is the coloured yellow like a dirty pineapple, my skin has wrinkles already and they're shaded grey, my hands shake uncontrollably and I doubt my words are even readable now. Yet I do keep writing, even though I can't understand why.

I have talked to Madeleine lately. She tells me she goes through the same things as I am right now except she has endured it for a year now. I feel truly sorry for her, yet at times like now, I can truthfully think only about myself.

The locket is still in my pocket. I pray to it, to God, to the stars, to every power in this world to let me see him on his birthday… just one last time… let me live…

* * *

July 12th

I woke up right now, though I did not want to. Only by setting my alarm clock an hour after I fell asleep, wake up, set it another hour ahead, wake up and so on, have I been able to live till now. I had been so afraid I might sleep and never wake up, but I also knew that I would not last long to just hold my fatigue and not release it.

It's 11:30pm. Just another half an hour to go. Yet I really do not know if I can make it even if it's that short of a time.

God, please help me! Just another half an hour to go, and at the time the clock strikes 12, Syaoran will walk in, I will see him, and I will die in peace.

I have done a lot of thinking.

I thought about many things, I thought about everything I have ever wanted to do in life and I realize that Syaoran has fulfilled it all for me. Happiness, material items, joy, visits, travelling, dates, fancy dinners; everything a girl can dream of.

He has changed me from the cold-hearted being I was to the loving, caring girl I am now. I have made a friend name Madeleine even though I hated her before; I have forgiven Kevin, Lori, Tomoyo and my father. I hate no one, and I am at peace with myself.

This world is a beautiful place, it really is… the only regret is not everyone can see things the way I see them, because if they did, this world would be perfect. But then I think again, if it were perfect, then life would be dull, there wouldn't be ups and downs, and we can never know happiness unless we know sadness, because we always want more, and the day we reach the max, we shall become like nothingness and live like a soulless corpse.

Like Syaoran said, everything works out for the best in the end. No one needs to meddle with it, really.

Another 10 minutes.

A tear drops on my pages. My entire body aches no matter what I do. Even if I lie down on my bed and relax all my muscles it hurts. Every time I draw in a breath it feels as if my lungs are filled with salty water.

I cannot live any longer… but I have to… just 10 more minutes, goddammit you can't kill me now! You just can't! God, if you exist, you have to bless me, you just have to help me this one last time, and then I will be forever yours. I will be your slave and do your bidding, I will become part of you and you will have full control over every part of me… but just… let me see him on his birthday… just let me…

I have missed his last one, and I cannot miss one again… please…

My wrists are screaming bloody murder, my lungs are going on strike, my entire body is shutting down as the virus continues to eat more and more parts of my body away. Stop. Let everything freeze but time, and the clock will strike and everything will be fine. I will see Syaoran, I will smile, be at peace, and finally pass on.

I regret so much right now thinking about what I did that day when I drank that liquid… why had I been so impatient? He warned me it would take a chunk of my life away… but I didn't listen… I drank it anyways just for that one moment of triumph in standing… If I hadn't drank that shit I could probably live for another 2 days… but no-o-o-o! I'm just so fucked I had to be so fucking stubborn and drink it.

God. It hurts. Everywhere, it hurts.

11:58.

Two more minutes.

Just two. So close, yet so far away.

God. The pain. There's pain everywhere… there's so much pain that it's all I can think about…

I'm going to stop writing…

Honestly, I don't even know why am I writing now when I don't care about anything else but Syaoran. So why am I still writing? Why don't I just drop my pen? I suppose it's because even though no one will find this diary there's that part inside of me that says what if someone does? Then there wouldn't be a proper ending…

So I will conclude it, and I will drop my pen, and I will rest and wait for the clock to strike 12.

Life, is something that everyone can only live, but cannot change. Fate and Destiny can be a major pain in the ass but they always work out in the end. Syaoran has changed me as a person for the best, he got rid of all my hatred and helped me realize that I do not have to be cold and empty to survive, but being friendly and be filled with love will make not only me happy but everyone else around me.

If you, who is reading this gets to the end, I just want you to know, that Syaoran was the greatest man ever existed, he saved me in every way and that my final wish is to see him one last time.

Because I love him.

Oh yes, I do.

God, I love him so much.

Please God, let me have my Last Minute of Life.

* * *

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_I know that was a sad ending, and I'm sorry this chapter has been kind of crappy, it's only because there's so much to write yet I don't want to write too much… So sorry for that…_

_And for this part I know probably no body cares but I have to say it. I just came back from Muskoka Woods, a leadership program in my school, and it was honestly, the BEST time in my life. I loved it there. I love everybody now. I love every single soul in my school and I love my school. I am suffering from extreme depression the minute I came back. I hate the city. I hate how there's no stars in the sky and the air smells like dust. God I can't talk anymore… I'm going to go through another depression stage…_

_GO RED DEVILS!_

_9714 Words. Holy, shit. That's long._


	7. Bellena Orubia, Finding Answers

**Author's Note: **_Another late update. Sorry again. I think I'm missing something in my life here… I just can't put my finger on it… feeling sort of unbalanced and empty lately…_

)**LilacBlu**( - All the questions you asked will be answered in future chapters.

)**kawaii star tenshi**( - Huh:Is confused: I didn't say he died…

)**lIlSAKlI**( - Trust me, if I let her live any longer the between her and Syaoran scenes are going to be dragging on for the sake of reviews (coughlike some authors docough) and I'm not one to do that… :P

)**Manuca**( - You're not the worst… I dream of plunging off a mountain… and I believe shit like freewill and crap, that's why I try most of my waking time trying to turn back time… I know the stars are there… but when you see them it's different… my friend who's technology obsessed saw them and even she enjoyed it… she understood why people created constellations… And that's saying a lot. The Red Devils is my team… :) There are 9 teams. Pink Flamingos, Blue Bandit Angels, Black Pirates, Yellow Ducks (peeps), Red Devils, Orange Pylons, Green Turtles and the Gold Rush. You compete against each other for the huge events, but mostly, like 17/20 of the time you spend with your own group, which is then usually divided into another 2-3 groups.

)**Mystic-Fae**( - Well, you do understand I'm trying to portray this story as realistically as possible, and you don't always have happy endings… but don't worry, everything will work out in the end.

)**ChibiMayu**( - Orubia didn't die yet. But she will.

**-**

**Chapter Seven**

_Bellena Orubia; Finding Answers_

**-**

Orubia set the pages down on her bed.

God. So that's it. She died in the end.

Orubia shook her head violently. _What have I been expecting? I should've known. Happy endings don't happen in real life_. God wouldn't give you another life just because you fell in love. Nature doesn't give a damn and will continue the cycle of life and death.

Something wet dripped onto her hand. Orubia touched her face and took a sharp inhale of breath.

_Why am I crying? I didn't even know this girl!_

But the tears continued to fall.

Orubia looked in the mirror at the silhouette of her reflection. It's already after midnight and the sky is as dark as the abyss. But she understood at that moment. She understands why she was crying.

Because Sakura's story had a deeper meaning… and Orubia is repeating the same mistake. "Why am I here…" she asked herself. "Why? I'm not even sick yet! I'm still a carrier! My disease isn't acting inside of me and yet I stick myself in here, welling up in self-pity. No! NO! Why am I wasting my life? I can still live like a normal person for a couple more years!"

Orubia jumped abruptly up. "That was the moral of the story! I can't stay here. I have to leave, now!"

"Child…"

Orubia whipped her head the other side. The old lady… The one with the slowest and most painful death. "You're… you're Madeleine?"

"How did you know?"

"You knew Sakura…"

"Was she a friend of yours?"

Orubia smiled thinly. That's all the proof she needed. Sakura's story was definitely real. There had been a patient who slept in this bed before her, and died on the exactly spot. "Yes, we were friends."

"You plan on leaving."

"Yes. There's no reason for me to stay."

A soft cough. "Good, good… you made a good choice, my dear. But please, do wait till morning… it's too deep into the night. You can wait for another couple of hours." She writhed in her bed.

"Yes… and tomorrow morning, I will be free… No more self-pity… I must live my life to the fullest." Orubia fell onto the ground, and rested against her pillow, not at all minding the cold floor. She found the greatest gift in life. Wisdom.

* * *

The morning sunshine woke the restless girl. It's morning. "I can leave now…"

As quickly as possible, she shoved everything into her suitcase and almost dashed towards the door.

"Wait…"

She turned around. "Madeleine…" She smiled sadly. "I hardly saw you more than 5 minutes worth of time, but I want to tell you one thing before I leave: hold on. Someone somewhere in the world needs you."

Madeleine nodded as best as she could. "Do visit me, please."

Orubia paused. Did she really want to come back often to this death place just for an old lady she hardly knew? But she replied, "Yes, I will."

Outside the room…

"I'm sorry sir, but there's no more rooms left."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"A girl by the name of Bellena Orubia came in yesterday and took the last spot. But you do realize there are only two spots anyways."

"So, so I have to move into one of the bad rooms?"

"They're not bad rooms, sir, they're normal rooms."

"My parents will pay you!"

"She came first, sir, be fair please. I cannot just send her out."

"But I don't want to be sharing a room with ten other people!"

"It's the way the system works, there's nothing I can do."

At that moment Orubia appeared beside the angered young man. "Does he want my room?" She asked the nurse.

"Orubia! Darling, you shouldn't—"

"Marie, I'm moving out."

"What? Why?"

"I told you the moment I came in! I have HIV but I'm only a carrier right now, I can still live! I don't have to stay here! I will be back someday, but I will not stay right now…"

"Orubia… I'm glad you've made such a positive decision, but you do realize if you leave now, you may not get that room the next time you come."

"I understand." Orubia nodded firmly. She looked at the young man and almost fainted. He was the most handsome and firm man she's ever seen. It's such a pity he has to be wasted here. But taking a closer look Orubia saw a tiny blonde figure to the other side of him. _Oh well…_ "Since I'm leaving, I guess you'll be having my spot." She told him with a smile.

The nurse punched in the information into the computer and confirmed it. "Okay. I'll just be taking you to your ro—"

"It's okay." Orubia spoke up quickly. "I have nothing to do now anyways. I'll take him there, you just stay where you are, Marie."

"Well, I suppose…"

Orubia smiled sweetly. "Don't worry about it."

"Well, thank you dear."

"No problem."

* * *

"Thanks." The young man said to her.

"For what?"

"You know. I mean, I almost had to end up in one of the worse rooms…"

Orubia giggled. "Even if you didn't come today, I would've left anyways. You don't need to thank me, just thank your good luck."

He nodded. "You're pretty happy for someone in… our case."

"I was inspired last night." Orubia stopped in front of a white door. "Here it is." She put her hand on the doorknob but didn't turn it. "There's another patient in there. She looks old but she's not. Before you go in, I want you to do me a favour."

"What is it?" He asked.

"Please do talk to her and take care of her…"

He frowned, and paused for a long while. "I'll see."

"Try your best." Orubia opened the door as the young man and his girlfriend thanked her.

"Thanks for your help here, and… yeah."

Orubia nodded. "My pleasure."

The young man began to walk further into the room, towards his bed.

"Wait!" Orubia cried coming after him.

"What is it?"

She held out her hand. "It was great meeting you though short. I'm Bellena Orubia. What's your name?"

He gave her his hand and Orubia felt warmth creeping over her from his large hand. "I'm Janstone Kevin. Nice to meet you too."

Orubia's smiled faded away and felt a sheet of cold ice washing over her. This, is Kevin? THIS? This guy, is _KEVIN_? She took a sharp intake of breath and withdrew her hand. _No wonder Sakura was in love with him._

She smiled coldly at the blonde. "And you are?"

"Cane Lori."

_God. How long has it been? And they're still dating? So Kevin can be faithful after all… so why wasn't he that way to Sakura? Why?_ Orubia took a deep breath. "Nice meeting you."

"Yeah, you too." Lori smiled sweetly.

"How old are you now, Kevin?" Orubia asked as unsuspiciously as she could, but her voice was tainted with hatred.

"I'm 19… why?"

_It's almost been a year since she died…_ Orubia let out a crazy laugh without meaning to. "You bastard." She growled.

"I beg your pardon?"

"YOU BASTARD! YOU DESERVE THIS! THIS WAS HER SECOND LAST WISH! GODDAMMIT EVEN IF SHE DIDN'T WRITE IT DOWN I KNOW THIS IS HER SECOND FINAL WISH! TO HAVE YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE! YOU FUCKING BASTARD YOU DESERVE THIS! FINALLY, JUSTICE HAS FINALLY COME TO YOU!"

Kevin blinked. "Excuse me? Are you sure you're… mentally stable?"

Orubia let a cruel smile fall onto her lips, which looked twice as haunting as normal people because her blue eyes were so pale. They were almost like ice. She opened her handbag and pulled out a badly stapled together diary and threw it at his face.

It bounced off his skin and hit the ground, where he silently picked it up. "What is it?"

Orubia laughed. "Do you still remember a girl named Kinomoto Sakura?"

Kevin's head shot up abruptly hearing the name that just seems to refuse to stop haunting him even after it's gone from the face of earth. "How—"

"Don't ask me." Orubia shrugged walking away. "Read and find out, you bastard."

* * *

Orubia sat on the bench with her boyfriend next to her.

"I'm so glad you've finally decided on this. It's the right thing, you know, and I'm so happy you've finally come back to the sane side of humanity."

"Yeah…" Orubia muttered in agreement, though her mind was nowhere near Lender Eric.

"So do you want to go somewhere today? I'll take you anywhere." He offered eagerly.

"No… thanks, but I think we'll be just fine, you know, sitting in this park, so near to the nature…"

"Yeah, you're right. I suppose we should enjoy nature more instead of taking it so for granted." He wrapped his arms around her shoulder. "How long do you think you have left? You know… to live…"

"I honestly don't know."

"Oh… well, so how are you feeling now?"

"Just fine."

"Do you need anything."

"I'm okay."

"All right… so, do you want to talk about something?"

"Not really."

"Oh…"

Orubia didn't notice the silence that had fallen between them. She was thinking about Sakura and Syaoran.

As her mind went back to the past, to the beginning, to when they first met, till the last day they met, she suddenly found herself furious with Syaoran.

Why the hell was he gone for so long? He knew she needed him, yet he was always away. Planning my ass. Yeah right it takes an entire month to plan some crap. What a lie. Sakura was just too happy and too blind to see. But not Orubia, she could see his lie like light in darkness.

It's all his fault. It's all his fault! How dare he leave her for long! Didn't he care about her feelings at all? Though Sakura had written everything good about him, Orubia knew he was no prince charming. There had to be something selfish deep inside of him that he's not showing, after all, nobody was perfect. It's those who appear to be that you should be suspicious of, because they're hiding something from you.

"—And Mindy was so glad you came, you know. Everybody in school misses you Orubia, we were actually planning to kidnap you out of the hospital if you didn't make up your mind soon, you know. Am I glad we didn't have to go through th—"

She stood up abruptly.

"Ruby?"

"I'm sorry, I got to go?"

"Wha—"

Without considering his feelings, she jumped away from him and rushed away.

Hospital…

"Excuse me! Excuse me! Marie! Excuse me!"

"Woah! Hold up! Don't scream in a hospital!" The nurse protested.

"Sorry, sorry." Orubia apologized sliding up to the front desk. "Marie, I need you to do something for me."

"If you changed your mind about leaving you're making a horrible mistake."

"Not that! I'm worried about something else… I need you to do a check on a person for me."

"Well, I'm actually not technically allowed to be giving out information on patients—"

"Not a patient! I need you to look through and see if there was ever a certain person who volunteered here…"

"Oh… well, I guess that should be okay… I can't give you much information though…"

"I don't care, I just want to know when did he leave."

"All right, I guess I can give you that much. What's his name, sweetie?"

"Li Syaoran. L-i, S-y-a-o-r-a-n."

"Let me check…" Marie typed the name into the computer system, and seconds later, she frowned. "I'm sorry, are you sure the spelling's correct? There was nothing under that name."

Orubia bit her lips. She had almost a photographic memory. And besides, his name was repeated so many times throughout her diary. "I'm positive."

"Let me check again…" Marie sighed after another search. "I'm sorry, there was nothing under 'Li' or 'Syaoran'. No such person exists in our database."

Orubia felt like she wanted to cry. Could it be that the entire was just a story? Could this Li Syaoran be Sakura's fantasy? No… that's not possible! He can't just be a… non-real person! No! This can't be!

She covered her face frantically. "No, he was here… he exists! I swear he does! There's prove… there has to be prove… yes! I got it! I'll prove it to you he exists! Come with me!" Without waiting for a response Orubia grabbed Marie's arm and dragged her to Madeleine and Kevin's room.

When she rushed in, Kevin was on his bed with Lori next to him. They were both squinting at the diary with a surprised and shameful look on their face. Kevin looked up when Orubia kicked the door open frantically. He opened his mouth to say something, but Orubia just held up her finger and gave him a shushing look. "Keep reading. Don't pity her. She died happy, even without you." She said scathingly.

Turning around, she dragged Marie to Madeleine. "Madeleine, mame…" Orubia shook her gently. "Mame, sorry for waking you up, but I need you right now, wake up, please…"

Madeleine stirred then opened her eyes drowsily. "Child… you're back… s-so ear, early…"

"No, I'm not back… I just need you to witness something…"

Madeleine yawned. "What's the matter?" She asked, blinking her eyes a couple of times.

"Ms. Madeleine please tell Marie here that Li Syaoran existed…"

"Li Syaoran…" she repeated. "That's a familiar name…" She thought for a bit. "Oh yes, how could I forget… he gave her the happiest days of her life…" She chuckled. "Sakura was never a happy girl, but, but every time he came… she… she was al-always, so, so h-appy… like, like even more than, normal people."

"But you're positive he's real, like you've seen him." Orubia demanded, begging for this to be true.

"Oh yes, he was quite handsome, a real gentlemen and a smooth talker. He was definitely real."

"See?" Orubia said to Marie with relief.

"Well, this proves he's real…" Marie said thoughtfully. "But he's definitely not in our volunteer system… maybe he was in a different department? Could he have been a nurse, a doctor, a nurse in training?"

"No, not possible… he's only one year older than her… meaning even now, he's only 20. And besides, he hasn't even started university yet…"

"That's true… it takes quite a few years to graduate if you're studying medical school…" Marie thought a bit more. "I'm sorry Ruby, I'm running out of ideas, I don't think I can help you…" She sighed. "It's strange how you know so much about his past yet you know nothing of him now…"

Orubia looked down.

"Tell you what, if you give me a hint of where he is now, what he's interested, which department he's under, I'll whip you another search. But till then, there's nothing I can do. Maybe if you can, trying calling him and talking to him or something." Marie smiled encouragingly and left.

"So was Li Syaoran that loser's name?" Kevin bit out.

Orubia whipped her head around angrily. "Don't call him a loser. He's 10000x better than you'll ever be."

"Yet she begged me to kiss her and not him."

Orubia growled. "Don't talk about what you don't know. Keep reading and you'll see. She kissed him too, except he didn't kiss her after degrading her to the lowest level like you did. In fact he saved her from suicide after you nearly completely crushed her."

"She begged me, not my fault."

"You're such, such, a self-centred bastard. I won't talk to you. Finish reading the diary and by the time I'm back, you'd better have learnt something."

Orubia whipped around angrily to storm out of the room.

"Orubia…" A voice said dryly.

She turned around to face Madeleine.

"If you find out anything, do report back to me… I worry for her too…" Madeleine requested with a genuine frown.

Orubia stared at her for a bit, then nodded. "Yeah, I will." And with that, she left the room.

* * *

_So it's true. He's not a fucking volunteer worker. I bet he's just some freak picking up girls at the hospital! Because he'd have more of a chance this way!_ Orubia shook her head clear of such thoughts. He may not be the perfect prince on a white horse, but he can't be that bad either…

She has to get to the bottom of this… something's not right… there's something missing in this puzzle… that one, but most important piece…

And where's a better to start than the source, Hong Kong?

* * *

Hours later Orubia was at the airport with nothing but 2 sets of clothing and a lot of cash. She convinced her parents she needed it, and how could anyone say no to her at such a time?

As she settled on the plane, her cell phone suddenly rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ruby, I heard you just begged a load of cash off your parents… you're not on drugs, are you?"

"Eric, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"So why do you need all that cash for? I mean, I won't tell anyone, just worried."

"I told you, don't worry about me."

"I mean, if you need for a good reason, I'll support you with some too, and know that I'm always here… you can always rely on me."

"Yeah, thanks."

"So, where are you?"

"On a plane."

"PLANE!"

"Yes, Eric, is that so hard to believe?"

"Where are you going? I'm going with you."

"No you're not. The plane is taking off in like 5 minutes. I got to go, they're signalling all electronics off."

"Why did you tell me? Baby if it's a vacation you want I would've planned it all for you, much better, and less rushed than—"

But Orubia had already hung up the phone. She leaned back against the chair and closed her eyes.

Hong Kong…

Four hours later she was at her hotel. It was a cheap one. The paint on the wall was peeling, and the light was dim and dirty. But nothing matter to Orubia right now. She just needed a place to recharge; after all, she'll be spending most of her time on the road.

Orubia took a quick shower, and went to bed, getting ready for a busy day tomorrow…

Next Morning, Outside…

It was now that Orubia realized she didn't know where to start. Great, she's in Hong Kong now, Syaoran's birth country, but there's like ten thousand billion people, and she probably wouldn't recognize him even if he walked right pass her.

But it was then she remembered that he was very famous, rich, and mentioned that everybody but Sakura was interested in his life.

_-Flashback-_

_"Are those necessary?" I asked pointing at the guys dressed in black._

_"Not those, they."_

_"Whatever."_

_"And yes they are, 'cause otherwise we'd be squashed to death by reporters."_

_I snorted. "Who would be interested in your life?"_

_He laughed. "Everyone but you."_

_"Damn right."_

_-End Flashback-_

That's right. Then that means, a lot of people should know him… Orubia tapped a girl who was waiting by a tree on the shoulder.

The girl turned around and smiled.

"Hey," Orubia greeted. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." She replied.

"Um, do you know anything about Li Syaoran?"

Her face suddenly went white and then frowned angrily. "Don't mention his name right now… do you have no respect for his clan whatsoever!"

"What? What happened? Did he get kicked out?"

"Kicked out? Never! Not him in a million years! Are you really that shielded from the media? How can you not know?"

"What happened?"

She sniffed and pouted sadly. "Go away… I'm not in the mood to talk anymore…" She turned around and wiped at her face.

Orubia frowned. What happened?

* * *

At first she had thought the girl was crazy, but turned out everyone else had responded her with the same thing. The girls would be amusingly upset, and the guys would get gloomy and just walk away.

"What could've happened?" It was then Orubia noticed that the country seemed unnaturally white. Hong Kong was supposed to be bright and colourful, yet almost all the store signs were white with white furniture, white menus, and white paintings. What's going on? Maybe she should try calling his family…

Orubia walked to the nearest phone booth and dialled 411. It was the operator for this country. (I think that's the number for Operator in China… not sure though.)

"Operator, how may I help you?"

She didn't want to sound too suspicious, so she tried a different approach. "I have a friend, her last name is Li. I'm not sure what her parent's names are, and I really need to speak to her right now, it's an emergency. So I was wondering if you could give me all the Li's numbers there are?"

The lady paused. "Sure, I suppose. Do you have a pen and paper with you?"

"Yes." Orubia replied, taking them out of her bag.

"Well get ready to write, 'cause there are a lot of Li's in Hong Kong."

* * *

By the end of the day Orubia had called 24 houses, and the responses from each weren't much different from the people on the street. She sat down in her hot bath and sighed depressingly. This isn't going anywhere.

The phone suddenly rang.

_Well this is stranger, I didn't tell anyone I'd be staying here._ Orubia stepped out, wrapped a towel around herself and picked up the phone. "Yes?"

"Miss Bellena?"

"Yes."

"There is a certain Mr. Lender here to visit you."

Orubia raised an eyebrow. How did Eric know she was going to be here? "Send him up."

"Yes, madam."

* * *

Second later after she was in her pyjamas, there was knocking at her door, and when she opened up, she was greeted by a firm hug. "Hey baby, how are you?"

Orubia squirmed away. She was frustrated already today; she wasn't in the mood for anymore questioning. "Just fine. What are you doing here? How did you even know I'm here?"

He grinned and touched her hair lovingly. "I was driving while I was on the phone with you, I drove to the airport immediately and I checked the schedule, and there was one plane that left at the time, and it was to Hong Kong. So I took the next flight, I mean, you understand right? I just wanted to make sure you're okay, and in case you needed anything. You were pretty distinctive, I asked around a bit if they've seen a girl with light brown hair and the palest eyes. Apparently you've gotten around town quite a bit, not with the best the reputation though. After a couple of points and dead ends I ended up here, and since there was a Bellena here, I knew it had to be you."

Orubia sighed in frustration. "Thanks, I'm glad you care, but it's late now, and I'm going to bed."

"Oh yeah, I know, just wanted to see you, is all."

"Great, you've seen, now you should go. You can't share a room with me."

He turned a bit pink but smiled. "Yeah I know, it's okay, goodnight then."

"Yeah goodnight."

"So how about a goodnight kiss—"

But Orubia had shut the door on him.

* * *

Next day Orubia spent the entire morning calling, yet not even one call was useful. Yet in the afternoon, just as she was reaching her last numbers, she finally reached the person she was looking for.

"Li residence speaking."

"Hello there, I was wondering if Li Syaoran's there."

There was a long pause. "What's your business?"

"Just want to… chat…"

"I'm sorry, don't ever call back again—"

"Marcus, get off the phone. I got this."

Immediately, the man gasped slightly. And in a quick, shocked voice, he uttered, "Yes mistress, of course mistress, I will go now." There was a click.

"May I help you?" A soft but powerful voice asked.

"Um, hi, I would like to speak to Li Syaoran please?"

"Why?" She asked.

"Because… you know… just to chat…"

"What makes you think he would want to talk to you?" She asked without emotions.

"Well, we were friends, but haven't communicated in a whil—"

"Do not lie to me. Liars anger me."

Orubia nearly chocked to death. How did she know? Unless… "Would you by any chance be… Li Yelan?"

"Yes I am. But you have no authority to call me by my full name."

"Terribly sorry, Madam."

"State your true business."

Orubia sighed. "I would like to know what happened to Syaoran… he left Sakura so many times without excuses, and I just recently found out he lied to her about being a volunteer worker too, and I want to know why wasn't he with her during her last minute of life. Why hadn't she died with him holding her hand? I want to know what happened! I demand an explanation!" Orubia cried, full of emotions.

To her surprise, the woman only shot her down. "Shut up. Do not scream. Don't think your emotions will make a difference. You know nothing of my son; I know that for a fact. You wonder what happened to him, but doesn't everybody? Do you know where my son is right now? I do. But why should I tell you? You're no friend of his, you read his life from somebody's journal."

Orubia swallowed. "Yes. You're right."

"Of course. I refuse to answer any question of yours, until you answer just one of mine: Tell me where Syaoran is. Then I will answer everything else."

"He's… he's at home!"

"No. Go back to where you came from, come back to Hong Kong when you have the answer." And she hung up.

Go back to where I came from?

* * *

The next thing found Orubia at home packing her bags. She came from the hospital; there must be something there that she missed. She bought another last minute ticket, and hopped on the plane. Like last time, her cell phone was ringing again. "Orubia."

"Hey, baby, where are you? I just came to see you and they said you aren't in this hotel anymore…"

"I'm heading back."

"What?"

"I've done everything I needed to."

"So that's it?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you even inform me? I thought you got kidnapped or something!"

"Sorry, forgot."

"Well baby, wait, I'm gonna catch up with you."

"No, plane's departing in 5 minutes."

"Again?"

"Yea."

"Well, can you meet me at mine or your house as soon as we get bac—"

Orubia already hung up the phone.

Hospital…

Orubia ran around the hospital over and over again, asking nurses if they remember a certain Li Syaoran, but it seemed none did, and disappointed, Orubia went back home.

Her parents fussed over her, but Orubia felt herself trapped deeper and deeper into the life of Sakura, and found that she could not concentrate on anything else. What did she mean? Just tell her where Syaoran is… well there's a million places on earth! How's she suppose to guess? And how would the hospital know? Unless…

Orubia gasped.

He's not a volunteer worker, because he's _staying at the hospital_.

She pulled the covered up to her chin as she felt her body freezing over. Something about that sentence chilled her to the bones.

* * *

It was already Saturday, as Orubia was about to leave her house, her phone rang.

"Yesh?"

"Ruby, tha' you?"

"Yeah, Eric, 's me."

"Are you busy today?"

"I'm actually leaving right now."

"Oh, I was hoping we could go somewhere together, you know—"

"Eric, I'm busy."

There was a pause, and then she could hear something sad in his voice, but paid no mind to it. "Ruby, you've been kind of distant lately, slamming doors on my face, hanging up the phone and all…"

"Been busy."

"Yea, and very evasive. I mean I can understand what you're going through and I wanna be there for you… but you're not making this any easier…"

"Sorry, busy."

"See, even now… I'm kind of hurt, because you're going maybe a bit _too_ far… farther than normal people should even if they are sick…"

"Eric I've got to go."

"No Ruby, we have to talk this over… I mean I don't feel happy around you at all, no offence, but I'm even feeling often depressed and annoyed—"

"I got to go!"

"No, we have to talk this over and discuss everything, I want to be clear with each other, and if you really have no more feelings for me and want somebody else, you can just—"

"Eric! I've GOT TO GO!"

"Ruby, no, I'm still talking here, I want to get everything sorted out—"

Orubia slammed the phone down and ran towards the hospital.

* * *

On Saturdays the hospitals have completely different shifts. Every station was taken by a different nurse than normal days.

Could this be when she will find her answers?

Orubia browsed through halls after halls, asking nurses, making them recheck the computer over and over again, trying out every spelling that seemed possible, but there was no hope.

"Please!" She said, stopping a nurse. "Do you know a person name Li Syaoran?"

"I'm sorry madam, I have not ever heard of that name."

"Please, think hard, he's got brown hair, amber eyes, 19 years of age, he was definitely here last year… you've got to have seen him around somewhere!"

"I'm sorry madam, but I haven't."

"It's Li Syaoran dammit! Li Syaoran! Listen to that name! It has to ring a bell! LI SYAORAN!"

"Miss—"

"No! LISTEN AND REMEMBER! LI SYAORAN! LI SYAORAN! LI! LI! SYAORAN! SYAORAN! SYAORAN LI! SYAORAN LI! LI SYAORAN! REMEMBER HIM! YOU GOT TO HAVE KNOWN HIM!"

"Please—"

"NO! KEEP LISTENING UNTIL YOU REMEMBER SOMETHING! OR I'M NOT GOING TO STOP SCREAMING! LI SYAORAN! LI SYAORAN! THAT'S RIGHT, LISTEN TO THIS NAME! AND IF YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL LI SYAORAN, YOU BETTER COME OUT! LI SYAORAN! LI SYAORAN!"

"I know Li Syaoran." A soft, feminine voice said.

Orubia whipped her head around at the speed of light. "You do?" She asked with hope in her eyes, staring at the nurse in front of her, who had dark, dark green eyes and red hair.

"Yes, he and Dr. Ada knew each other pretty well. I would almost say they were friends. I'm Dr. Ada assistant. I knew Syaoran quite well too. He was a sweet gentleman."

"Where is he? Where is he? Why didn't the records in the computer say he was a volunteer worker? You're proof! You've worked with him! Tell them to change the records!"

The nurse frowned. "What's your name?"

"Bellena Orubia. You?"

"Arima Lessi."

"Nice to meet you Arima. Now tell me what happened to Syaoran?"

"You can call me Lessi." She stated, then frowned. "I never heard him mention you before… how do you not know him, if you do not know where he is right now?"

"Why does everyone keep saying that? I knew him through a friend, okay? Where is he? JUST TELL ME!"

"If you don't know, I don't think I have the right to tell you… Maybe you should ask his mom instead…"

"I did! She said she won't answer any questions until I find out where he went! Then she'll answer everything for me!"

She smiled a bit. "He was such a nice boy, always so sweet and gentle… I often talked with him, you know, and he always made me feel better…"

"That's nice. Where is he though?"

"He always obeyed everything the doctors said… it's too bad he left really… he trusted people very much too… it's rare finding people like him these days…"

"WHERE IS HE?"

"He wasn't the healthiest but always energetic. He had such a bright view on life…"

"I don't care! Sorry but I don't! I just want to know what happened to him!"

Lessi looked at her in the eyes. "Listen to me, Orubia, listen closely. He _was_ such a nice boy, always so sweet and gentle… I often _talked_ with him, and he always _made_ me feel better… He always _obeyed_ everything the doctors said… it's too bad he _left_ really… he _trusted_ people very much too… it's rare finding people like him these days… He _wasn't_ the healthiest but always energetic. He _had_ such a bright view on life…"

Orubia took a step back. "Why are you talking in past tenses…?" She demanded darkly.

Lessi tried to smile, but there were tears in the corner of her eyes. "Orubia…"

"Where is he?" She demanded, swallowing thickly.

She sniffed. "He's dead."

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_A couple of people guessed he died that night after that quite "strange" scene. That was the impression I was trying to give… but yes, he's dead, not in the way most of you thought though… most of you thought he died because of that twitch but that's not quite true…_

_And sry, from now on chapters are going to be a tiny bit shorter because I've planned out the ways I want to end them…_

_Oh, and I'm getting a 8 week old kitten soon!_

_5978 Words… short, but not terrible._


	8. Li Yelan, Providing Answers

**Author's Note: **_Sorry for the late update, but you can understand that it'll take a while when I want to update three stories at the same time…_

)**neutralgal**( - Aw thanks… when I first started writing I had no passion for it, but the more I wrote, the more I liked it, that's why I improved a lot from the first story.

)**Manuca**( - THANK YOU! Another point only you noticed… I did that purposely, making Orubia ignore everybody else… you'll see in chapter, when Orubia's in turmoil, because Sakura's story told her to live life to the fullest, yet at the same time Sakura' story is making her focus on what happened to her and not her life… it's a paradox… THANK YOU FOR NOTICING!

)**LiLbLueangeL1223**( - Er actually Syaoran's dead too… he's not in a coma… :P

**-**

**Chapter Eight**

_Li Yelan; Providing Answers_

**-**

Orubia froze for what seemed like the longest time. She found it hard to process the information. "Wha—"

Lessi looked at her sympathetically. "He's in heaven."

Without meaning to, she ran. Without a thanks, or a goodbye, she ran past Lessi and deeper, and deeper into the hospital until she came to a door. She whipped it open and slipped inside and fell in front of Madeleine's bed.

The lady was startled. She twitched in her bed. "What's the matter, sweetie?"

It was then that Orubia broke down. She fell onto the ground and began to cry. "God, Madeleine… he's, he's… he's dead! God, he's dead!"

"Wha, what?" There was shock and sadness in her voice.

"He didn't leave her! He didn't have a choice! He died!"

Madeleine grimaced. "Just like that? There's nothing more? He just, died… just like that?"

Orubia nodded furiously. "I can't believe this either… but he did… he actually died…"

"That can't be true… no, there must be more than that… how did he die? Why did he avoid her before he died? Why? So many questions, oh please, find out for me, Ruby…"

"Who's dead?"

Orubia turned around to see Kevin. "Li did… Li Syaoran…"

Kevin smirked. "I bet you she murdered him to keep her company in heaven."

"WHY YOU SONOFABITCH!" Orubia ran over and picked up the tall lamp standing beside his bed, ready to break his face with it.

"NO!" Lori cried in horror.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

"DON'T DO IT!" The brave girl ran up and tackled Orubia painfully to the ground. The lamp fell and hit Lori on the back and she cried out in pain. But no severe damage was done.

Kevin was completely pale by now. "YOU CRAZY BITCH!"

Orubia glared at him through her red and puffy eyes. "It's not over between us, remember that. You will get what you deserve someday, but I have more important things to do than bashing your face in right now."

With that, Orubia ran out of the room.

Airport…

Orubia purchased another last minute ticket and flew to Hong Kong. Like last time, Eric called her once again.

"Ruby, where are you?"

"On a plane to Hong Kong."

"WHAT! AGAIN!"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I'm meeting someone there."

"Who?"

Orubia swallowed. "A lady… who will provide many answers."

"No, wait don't go yet. Don't go anywhere till we solve our issue."

"There is no issue and nothing to solve, besides I purchased another last minute ticket, don't worry I _will _be back."

"Wai—"

Yet again, she hung up.

* * *

The moment Orubia stepped off the plane, she should've guessed that something was wrong. Screaming fans and professional bodyguards and police and royal limos surrounded the entire airport. She should've known something was wrong especially when a path suddenly cleared in front of her when she stepped off the plane.

But she was in too much of a hurry to notice anything at the moment.

"Orubia."

At the mention of her name however, she finally looked up. In front of her was a red carpet and fans were on both sides screaming, blocked off the pathway by the bodyguards and police.

Light footsteps began to ring louder and louder, until the woman was right in front of her. Then, she stopped. "You are back."

"How—"

"You have finally found the answers."

"Wha—"

"You have done as I have requested, now it's my turn to hold up the other end of the bargain. Come with me." She ignored Orubia's questions and began walking away, gesturing the girl to follow.

After a few moments of shock and uncertainty, she decided it's now or never, and she quickly ran to catch up with the woman.

They entered a black limo together, while a few white ones were around them, blocking off camera shots and screaming fans.

Yelan said nothing to Orubia during the way there. When they stepped off the limo and entered the house, Orubia wondered whether or not the woman has forgotten about her since she was walking as if no one was following her.

But taking no chances, Orubia continued to follow the headmistress deeper and deeper into the "Gold Mansion" until they entered a small—which in here meant the size of 3 normal dining rooms—room and she turned around to the three maids following. "You may retreat now. Close the door, and do not disturb us until I say so. Do not touch this door even if I never come out. Leave."

"Yes, mame." They bended their knees slightly and left in a straight line.

The door was closed.

Orubia looked around. There was one huge window with silk curtains, a medium sized glass table was in middle of the room, and couches surrounded two sides of the four walls.

A chandelier hung above with expensive paintings on the walls.

"Have a seat." Yelan took a seat herself.

Orubia hesitated, then followed her example, and sat on the other couch.

"You have fulfilled your end of the deal. Now please, any questions you have to ask, ask now. This will be your one and only chance."

Orubia didn't know where to started, so she uttered the first thing that came to her mind. "How?"

"Syaoran had denied his abilities to read minds only to avoid attention being attracted to himself. I, on the other hand, I will tell no lies, and only the truth. Yes, I do have the ability to read minds, and my powers are much stronger than my son's.

"He can read a person's mind if the person is standing in front of him, and he can actually 'see' them. During rare times he can sense the thoughts of those near him whom he cannot physically see. While I, on the other hand, as long as I have a mental image or feeling of the person, no matter where they are in the world, I can track them down."

"So, so you've been following me…"

"Not physically, but mentally yes. The moment you called me, my mind has already tracked you down. But because of the great distance between us and the fact that I have never actually seen you, it makes it a bit more difficult. Which is why I had to be alone in a room without any distractions at all to be able to follow you. I can feel your thoughts, sense each of your movements and the moment the thought _'Syaoran is dead'_ entered your mind, I knew you would arrive soon.

"And as I predicted, I soon felt your presence closer and closer, until you were close enough for me to pinpoint your exact spot, I knew the time has come. You're here to learn the truth, and I will not disappoint you."

"But… how?"

"I do not know how, it is the way we are born as. There should be proof for you right now… all you ask of me is 'how', yet I am able to answer precisely to the question you think in your head."

Orubia nodded dumbly. "But, but… it's, it's just…"

"Not fair? No. But it's just the way the world works. I am born with the ability, and I cannot rid of it even if I wanted to."

Orubia swallowed. This is all too overwhelming for her.

She had expected that Sakura was paranoid or something, but turns out… she had been right… he really could read minds…

"That is correct."

Orubia gulped. _I really need to be careful with what I think…_

"No, you needn't feel that way. I am very open to opinions; you become this way as time progresses. Think as you please, I will not judge you."

Orubia lifted her head slowly. "What, what happened to him, to Syaoran?"

Yelan sighed. "He's dead… as you already know. In the beginning Syaoran had never been a volunteer worker. He was a patient at the hospital. He could not stay at any hospital here for too many people gushed over him, giving him no privacy at all, which is why he had decided to change countries, to a place where no one knew him."

_So that's why the Syaoran had been able to visit Sakura so freely without having nurses inform her…_

"Yes, you're right. Syaoran was able to visit Sakura so freely because he _lived_ inside the hospital… while she mistaken that as that he really was a volunteer and _worked_ at the hospital. After all, normally when guests are visiting, the nurses always inform her first. She should've explored all the options before assuming.

"Syaoran was diagnosed with a disease that he was born with. There will be no point in me telling you what the disease is, as you wouldn't even know the name. It is passed on only through men, and skipping generations. Unfortunately I have married the wrong man, and his father was diagnosed with this disease. His father is already dead, but the deadly seed is already planted in him, ready to be passed on." Yelan looked down wearily. "He never had a choice… my Syaoran was born with a curse that could not be rid of… however, I must say there is a plus side to everything, that at least my son would not have to pass his disease onto his grand son…

"By the time he had met Sakura, he was already half way to heaven, he was extremely weak and could've died any moment… but that night, I sensed him, I sensed his thought, he was alert, for a mental cry of overwhelming pain was stinging him, and he was hurt just by listening to this soft cry. Quickly, he rushed around the hospital, pinpointing the source. At last, he found her; ready to give herself up to the devils… but he saved her… Yet from that moment on, he knew she was his responsibility, for ever since he saved her, she began to look up to him, and he realized that he was the reason she was alive, and that if he were weak, she'd be weak too; he knew he had to be strong even if it was only for her.

"He has always had supplies of the white drink with him. And to convince her, and encourage her, every time he visited her he drank a whole bottle of it, which would last at least 6 hours. The reason why he always left in a hurry was because it would wear off, and the reason why he took so long between each visit was because the drink took life energy out of him as you already knew, and he was afraid he would drink too much and die.

"But to convince Sakura nothing was suspicious, he decided to visit her during every special holiday, so that if he dies, at least there would be weeks before the next holidays come, and during those weeks, at least she would stay alive."

Orubia felt her previous blame for Syaoran melting away, and instead, found herself hating Sakura. _So it's her fault after all… it's because of her that Syaoran had to drink all that stuff, which probably cut so much off his life! It's because of her he suffered; he probably could've lived another two months more if it wasn't for her! How could she! How could she be so selfish! To help her live longer he was willing to sacrifice his own life! And yet she wasn't half grateful! HOW COULD SHE!_

"Stop." Yelan pleaded with almost a frown. Which said a lot considering the fact the woman showed no expressions. "Don't think such thoughts. Stop. She did nothing to him, she didn't shorten his life. Remember Syaoran said there was a possibility that the drink would not take any life away from the person during determined times? Well he was determined. He didn't live for his own selfish reasons but for the sake of another, which is why the drink had no effects of him. He had been told to died somewhere during April, which meant even if he took none of that drink, he would not have lasted past May either way.

"In a way she almost gave him an extra day to live, because he was suppose to die on April 30th. The time when Sakura had went shopping with his sisters, he was failing, falling, sprawling across the ground, the very breath being sucked out of him. I didn't know what to do then, because I knew even if I save him past today, he would not survive tomorrow. I wanted him to die then, so he could have a peaceful next life at least… but something stopped me… I heard his thoughts.

"He thoughts of Sakura. He told me he had to live, for her, he had to live till the next day… he just had to. I gave in, I knew how loud his thoughts cried and I made him drink 5 entire cups of the drink. Normally that would've taken so much life out of him he would've died either way, but it didn't. Because God has decided to give him another chance. He lived through the night, sleeping beside her. All night, he prayed to be able to wake up in the morning—I knew, because I followed his thoughts the entire night.

"But his calculations were a bit off. He had figured if only he could just get her back to the hospital, then die, at least Sakura would never know the truth to what happened to him and would not be discouraged, because he had thought the next major holiday was Thanksgiving, which is a very long time away… he figured she would be dead by then anyways, but at least she would've been able to live her life to the fullest, and longest possible. What he forgot, that she remembered, was his own, birthday.

"In some way I would be cruel enough to say that Thank the Lords she had died on that day, because if she hadn't died, she would've been very disappointed, and thought Syaoran a liar. And that's the last thing she wanted."

Orubia sniffed. _So that's the truth. That's the whole truth? Why aren't truths ever pretty? Why are they always so painful to listen to?_ A teardrop flooded her eyes and she quickly wiped them away on the back of her hand. "If only he was alive… if only he could've lived… they would've been the happiest couple then…

"No, quite opposite."

She looked at the woman furiously. "How dare you say that! You saw how much they loved each other, how much they cared for each other, how could it have not worked out?"

"Because my son was egotistical. Till the day he found out that he has been cursed to die, he was annoying beyond understanding and unbelievably arrogant. And this says a lot considering the fact that I'm his mother and I love him unconditionally. But I must say he was the most infuriating child in the country. It was until he learnt of his planned death that his opinions on the world changed. It was then he realized that he wanted to leave a mark, he didn't want to die without accomplishing anything, and from that day forth, he was a changed man.

"He helped anyone that needed help and donated to charities. He visited poor countries and brought clothing and toys to the children. He wanted to make a difference in the world and make his short life count. The change he makes doesn't have to have him well known, but as long as his conscience knows, he's happy.

"That is the only reason they were able to get alone so well. Under normal circumstances, he would've spat in her face."

Orubia's eyes widened a bit. "So what is this, he's right, again? That everything happens usually for the best?"

"Oh honey, he's not right… I taught him that line… And it's true. There's a positive and negative side to everything, and even if you can change the negative to something not as heartbreaking, it usually tears your heart apart anyways to realize the positive that you've lost. A heart is meant to be broken, a heart is meant to ache. Don't try to change the course of the world; instead, adapt to it."

"You speak awfully calm about this. What are you? You're his mother for God's sakes! Why aren't you sad at all? Why do you feel nothing? WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER ARE YOU!"

Yelan was silent for almost too long, Orubia stared at her hatefully before her eyes melted into sadness, regretting her words. "Hey listen I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

A tear slipped down her stone hard face, and lines of expression began to appear. "I do feel something…" She whispered. "But in my position, I have to be strong to survive, to hold the clan up… emotions are not something that need to get in the way, especially not in day time… grieving is for the night." More drops of tears fell and she covered her face with both hands but made no sound.

Minutes later she removed her hand, and though her face was clear, the lines of sadness didn't go away. "Syaoran was my fifth child… there's something that I have not told you, and under normal circumstances I would not tell anyone, but you have made me cry, and I feel vulnerable right now, so I would like to tell you, because I feel like it.

"The ability to read minds, it is passed down from generation to generation, but only from father, to daughter, to son, to daughter, to son, to daughter and so on. I've had four kids before Syaoran, one would say that's already too much. But I couldn't give up then, for they were all girls. I needed someone to inherit the ability so that it would not die out. But it was when Syaoran was born that we found out about what my husband can pass on.

"My son inherited everything that could be passed down in the family. The fortune, and the disaster." She moaned softly. "What am I suppose to do? My abilities can only be passed onto a son, yet the son would surely die… Oh Gosh, this must mean that this inheritance will die out here… in my generation…"

Orubia frowned even more. "But… but can't you, can't you produce another son with another man?"

"Dear, I am old, there are only so many children I can have… and what are the guarantees that it'll be a son? Besides, I cannot stand the burden of watching another one die… if that were to happen, I would be too crushed to run this clan, and that mustn't happen."

"But, you shouldn't just give up now… This ability of yours, I think, I think it's amazing… I think it's beautiful, you can't just let it go and missing from the world forever!"

"It would be tragic to let that happen, but that is not all… Even though I am supposedly the leader of the 'clan' now that my son and husband are dead. Even though they say I have the fine say, it is not quite so. Those elders who are my supposed 'advisors', they are the real ones who get the final decision. I am merely an instrument through which they may take control over. I do resist as hard as I can, but some things just cannot be crossed. The elders will _not_ let me have a relationship with another man. That would be a disgrace to the entire clan. And that is something I cannot fight them."

Orubia looked at her hands on her lap and just let everything absorb. _And I thought I had a tough life…_

She looked up. "I-I'm done… no more questions… I don't think I want to know anymore… But, I do, I do want to see where Syaoran is buried."

A pause. "Very well…"

* * *

Two hours later they were somewhere in a countryside, where there was a private cemetery with only two gravestones in the middle. Li Syaoran and Li Xiang; his father.

Under Li Syaoran's name says:

July 13th 1986 – April 1st 2005.

"Why?" Orubia asked. "He died on April 2nd, did he not?"

"Technically speaking, no. He was supposed to die on April 1st, which is why we have kept it this way."

"It shouldn't be this way…" Orubia muttered. "No, it shouldn't be this way…"

"No Orubia, stop, there's no way that can work."

"Yes, its might! It's just not fair, you shouldn't keep them so far apart!"

"NO! I AM NOT ALLOWED!" she bellowed. "IT IS INEXCUSABLE! THERE IS NO WAY I WILL MOVE MY SON'S GRAVE ALL THE WAY TO JAPAN TO BE BURIED IN SOME PUBLIC CEMETERY!"

"THEN MOVE SAKURA'S IN HERE!"

"NO! THIS IS THE SPECIAL REMEMBRANCE PLACE OF MY HUSBAND AND SON! I WILL NOT HAVE A THIRD PERSON IN HERE! Besides…" she lowered her voice. "The Kinomoto family would never allow it."

Orubia looked pained, knowing Yelan was right. "It was pleasure meeting you."

Yelan nodded sadly. "I'll arrange a flight for you right now."

* * *

Hours later she was back at the hospital. The departure with Yelan had not been a happy one, for there has been too much on her mind and too much weight pulling at her heart. She rushed back to Madeleine's room. Kevin was asleep and Lori was gone. Quickly, she knelt by Madeleine's bed and shook her. "Ms. Madeleine, wake up, Ms. Madeleine."

The woman stirred with a couple of painful motions but acknowledged Orubia.

Immediately, Orubia told the story Yelan had told her to Madeleine.

When she was done, Madeleine had a dreamy, distant but happy look on her face. "It's perfect…" She whispered with the last of her voice.

"What? How could you say that?" Orubia demanded.

"It's true… it's so perfect… because there's nothing that went wrong… he loved her, and she loved him. He lived his life fully for her, while she lived her life fully for him. Though they're both dead, their love was undeniable, they cared for each other deeply, and there was no intentional or hurtful deceits between them. They had a clean, fresh and truthful relationship. And now, they've both moved on, to a happier place, where they can be together, forever…" He eyes suddenly seemed to shine. She smiled with bliss and relief as she slowed closed her eyes.

They never opened again.

* * *

Orubia stood by the tombstone of Madeleine Velskki. The funeral is over and people wept by her grave, laying flowers on or in front of her gravestone. Orubia watched from afar, and waited until most of the crowd had scattered. Then, she walked up, and laid a single red rose on Madeleine's grave.

"God bless you." She whispered.

A red rose represents love, and Orubia didn't not lie something so inappropriate on Madeleine's grave to purposely mock her, for in her opinion, this is what Madeleine would've wanted. Madeleine cared for Sakura like her own daughter, while Sakura loved Syaoran with her soul. And a red rose is a symbol the three of them share. For Syaoran had brought the rose, Sakura had given the rose, and Madeleine had received the rose. It was the only thing the three of them shared.

Orubia took her hand off the grave and left the single rose glowing on the grave.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Orubia spun around to see a furious girl stepping towards her.

The girl's long hair was obviously dyed black. She wore a black sweater and long black pants with black boots. Her black eye shadow and eyeliner was smeared all over her face in the same trail as her tears went.

"Yes?" Orubia asked.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Orubia frowned. "Giving Madeleine a flower."

"You have fucking right to call her that you bitch. How dare you lay something like that on my mother's grave!"

Orubia gasped. "You're Madina!"

Madina growled. "How the fuck did you know my name?"

It was Orubia's turn to be angry. "From Madeleine, who only mentions your name about five times a day, telling me about how her fucking daughter didn't even visit her once. You have the face to accuse me right now? Oh, so you finally decided to care! About time too! You have no fucking right to accuse me! You do not know the history behind that rose so don't judge! But why don't you know the history? Maybe if you had visited her more often you've would've fucking known!" Before Madina had a chance to snap back, Orubia walked away angrily. She disappeared behind a tree but couldn't help but to look back, and that's when she saw Madina breaking down and howling and crying on the gravestone.

She felt bad for accusing the girl. She is after all still Madeleine's daughter. No matter how mean she had been to her mother when she was a alive, she was still her daughter, and a daughter loves a mother no matter what.

Orubia sighed feeling the cool autumn breeze blowing past her, as she walked away.

* * *

She sat on a bench and smelt the air, not minding the fact that she was alone with no friends around her. She didn't care if anyone thought she was a loner. She just didn't care anymore. A trip to the hospital had introduced her so many people, so many people that died, so many more people to walk out of her life.

She sighed painfully.

A figured sat down beside her.

She looked up. "Eric."

"Hello."

"Eric—"

"Ruby I'm sorry. You've been cutting me off too often lately, but I have to tell you something right now. You've been so distant from me, like you hate me, no longer needs me. You do not respect me at all…"

"Eric—"

"Stop. It's your turn to listen to me now. I've tried so hard to be with you, to help you, but I am not going to be kicked around like dirt, because I finally see, if you don't even need me, why do I have to go around assuming you do?" He stood up.

"Eric—"

"Goodbye, Ruby. Believe when I say I once did love you." He walked out of her life, and she was never to see him again.

"God…" Orubia buried her face in her hands and began to cry. "How the fuck does this work? I've learnt a valuable lesson from Sakura's story to treasure life, which is why I finally stepped away from the hospital… but her life; it's just so intriguing that once again I've stopped treasuring my life just to figure out hers! Yelan was right… there's always positive and negative to everything… but in the end they usually balance themselves out… Sakura helped me to find the treasure, at the same time she caused me to lose it…" Orubia sniffed by herself on the wooden bench, not knowing what to do.

* * *

Days passed with Orubia just wondering around aimlessly daily. She had found the Kinomoto family address and asked for the address of their daughter's grave. They had been reluctant, but after she had given enough proof that she was "close" to Sakura, they told her.

During some lonely days, when she needed someone to speak to, she would either go to Madeleine's grave or Sakura, and ask about their life, and tell them about hers.

But it's been a while since she's visited any one of the graves, and today, she wanted to visit both. She bought a locket and a single rose. Just as she was about to leave her house, the phone rang.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Orubia."

"Yes, it is I."

There was a long pause. "This is Li Yelan. Please visit Sakura's grave today."

And she hung up before Orubia could say anything.

That was also the last time she ever spoke to Mrs. Li Yelan.

* * *

Orubia visited Madeleine's grave first, where she once again met up with Madina. This time, they only gave each other a weary smile before each setting their flowers down.

After the guilt from last time, Orubia decided to introduce herself, and told the story of the rose to Madina.

Madina grimaced. "I wish I had visited her more often… I was mad at her, and I thought she meant nothing to me… but the moment she was gone from the world, I knew how wrong I was…"

Orubia nodded sympathetically.

They went their separate ways but decided to stay in touch.

Next, Orubia visited Sakura's grave, wondering what Yelan meant.

It was when she got there that she gasped.

Next to Sakura's grave, was Li Syaoran's grave. The two gravestones were so close they were almost touching.

Orubia set the locket down in the middle and felt tears of gratitude in her eyes for Yelan. She must've sacrificed a lot for this. She must've suffered a lot too.

_Yelan, I know you can hear me, and I want to say thank you. You're the world's bravest, and kindest woman._

She could almost hear a smile.

As Orubia glanced down at the gravestones, she felt a chill down her spine, for on the gravestones, it says:

_R.I.P  
Li Syaoran  
July 13th 1986 – April 1st 2005_

_R.I.P  
Kinomoto Sakura  
April 1st 1987 – July 13th 2005_

Orubia couldn't help but shiver.

Yeah, there's definitely something unusual about this.

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_PEOPLE! THIS IS NOT THE END! Actually it is, but there ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT! AND IT'S THE EPILOGUE! All the problems have been figured out, all the people who had to die has already died, now the epilogue is just to show what happened to each of them._

_Okay, I've just reread it to edit out the mistakes, and I felt this is actually a good ending… so you decide, if you like the ending, then it's done… if you want an epilogue, I'll still post one…_

_5257 Words. Longer than I thought actually._


	9. The Ending

**Author's Note: **_There's one part I was debating whether to put or not… to put it would probably please the readers, but would upset me because I didn't want this to be the typical 'happily ever after story', but because of the demand for a epilogue, and me having rounded thing up last chapter a bit TOO well meaning I have nothing to write now, I have decided to put the sappy 'happily ever after' part after all._

)**Sakura**( - I'm sorry I made you so sad… and no, not all my stories are like this… but I soar above as a writer when I'm either writing something extremely tragic or funny…

)**neutralgal**( - aw, you don't know what that means to me to say you like my writing so much… :) Don't worry, I'm posting I Dare You 2 along with the last chapter of Last Minute of Life and Reality's Difference. Hope that makes you happy :)

)**Manuca**( - Lol yeah, you've just summarized everything better than I could've… I don't know how to say this, just that when I thought about this story I was suddenly plunged into this darkness with only a glimpse of light that's slowly fading, and I was locked into that atmosphere for almost days when I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore, and that's how I wrote this story down… I can honestly say for myself that this is probably one of my best works… probably because it meant so much to me… I would have Orubia go talk to Eric again, but I kinda already put 'that was the last she ever saw of him'. :P so it wouldn't really work out, now would it? ;)

**-**

**Epilogue**

_The Ending_

**-**

A year has passed since Orubia's last encounter with all those revolved around Sakura's journal. Since then, she had travelled the world to many places she has yet to see, and now, she feels no regrets. Although she finds herself almost always alone unless with parents, she felt that she really was not, perhaps because the story of Sakura still surrounds her, perhaps the people from the past still haunts her—either way, she knew she was not living fully in the future.

She had no idea why she was walking towards the hospital right now—certainly hoping to heaven it's not because her body is trying to tell her the AIDS virus is finally acting up—except that she had nowhere else to go.

Orubia felt the gentle breeze from the autumn wind and smiled to herself. She was at peace with herself. She had no more regrets. Though she does not want to, she feels she is ready—or at least more ready than before—to move on… to another place… a new realm…

The hospital door stands in front of her. She struck out her hand and pulled it open. Walking inside, she was engulfed by the warmth from the furnace in the hospital. She walked towards the front desk and stopped there. _Hello Marie, I am here for a check up… you know, to see how the virus is doing…_

"Yes, dear, may I help you?"

Orubia opened her mouth, but found that the words would not come out. After a while, she stood there, confused. "Actually, no, not really…" She could not fully understand why she had just said that, except she began walking deeper in the hospital. Marie didn't stop her.

Orubia walked on and on, passing doors at a time, until she stopped in front of a certain one. She pushed the door open without knocking.

A figure on the bed looked up.

She stared back at him; surprised she ended up here of all places. "Hi." She said, equally as shocked as him.

"Hello. Long time no see. Please, come in." Kevin invited.

Orubia walked in timidly, not knowing why she was approaching him at all. She sat on the bed beside him and began fidgeting.

He looked at her for a bit, then he too, looked down and played with his fingers. A few uncomfortable minutes passed just like that, when he finally said, "So, did she see him?"

Orubia looked up. "Who?"

Kevin was ashamed of himself for being interested. But he just couldn't help it. Still looking down at his hands and avoiding Orubia's piecing pale blue eyes that doesn't make confessing any easier, he repeated, "Did she see him?"

"I don't understand…" Orubia whispered softly, though she knew deep inside what he was referring to. This is why she's here. She's here to answer _his_ questions this time.

"Sakura." He breathed, closing his eyes. "You'll never let me alone will you…" Then in a louder voice, he repeated. "Did Sakura see Syaoran in the end as her final wish? Was it fulfilled?"

"I thought you said he was a bastard. I thought you didn't care for neither of them." Orubia shot back.

"I don't…" Kevin defended. Then he sighed. "I've never quite seen things in her point of view, I suppose I had no right to judge… I guess I _was_ a bastard after all. But now I know everything, her deepest feelings, her time spent with him, and I know that they truly deserve each other, and I do worry for her, and I want to know… did she at least die happy? Was her last wish granted? Even I gave her her final wish when she asked me to kiss her."

"Don't you dare compare her final wish with that fucking kiss she begged from you!" Orubia hissed threateningly. "Don't you fucking dare! That kiss meant nothing to her; she was just desperate for the moment… but her final wish… that was different. That was different! Do you hear me? That was a real wish! A real wish she would've traded her soul for! Not just some nastiness from you!"

Kevin hid his face lower. "I'm sorry. I know, I shouldn't have said that…"

"Damn right."

"But please, just tell me… did her wish come true?"

Orubia studied the side of his cowering face for a long time. They were so pale, so yellow, so old, and so lifeless… it's been too long… the disease is eating him, as it ate many of its victims. He has lost his handsomeness, he style, his looks, everything he was originally proud of. Now he had none of it left, and he was a coward. He cannot show his face without shame any longer. "You wonder for the truth, yet at the same time you're embarrassed that you care because of all the horrible things you've said about Sakura. Kevin, I want you to look at me. I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell you what you want to know. I respond to no cowards."

Kevin swallowed. _Okay, just look at her in the eyes, pretend you're watching TV… and then that one sentence, just one, so say it…_ Kevin gathered up his last guts and turned around abruptly, ready to spit the sentence out as quickly as possible, but one glance at Orubia's icy poles froze him solid. Those eyes… why? Why are they so chilling? Kevin felt exposed, and again, he let his head fall without meaning to.

A hand touched his chin. The hand was cold just like the eyes of the owner. The hand lifted his head up until once again, he was staring into those soul-piercing eyes. "I understand that you're afraid… and my eyes aren't making it any better, but please don't be. They're just a different colour, there really is nothing different… erase your fear. Now tell me your question."

Kevin shuddered, but in a small, quivering voice, he asked, while staring into those ice spheres as best as he could, "Did Sakura see Syaoran on his birthday?"

Orubia smiled slightly. "That wasn't so bad, now was it?" She dropped her hand and sighed. _He had conquered his fear, admitted it, and now it's my turn, and I will tell him nothing but the truth._ Orubia opened her mouth. "To tell you the whole truth… I honestly don't kn—" She suddenly froze. Again it's that feeling like when she was walking towards the hospital, like when she walked into Kevin's room. It's that feeling of unknown. Déjà vu. "Yes." She found herself saying. "Yes she did. Her final wish was fulfilled, she did see him."

Kevin gave a small smile. "Yeah?"

Orubia smiled back reassuringly. "Yeah."

* * *

After the talk with Kevin, she left the hospital and without waiting a second, she walked straight to Syaoran and Sakura's grave. She couldn't understand why she had lied to Kevin except that she felt like she couldn't tell him the truth, no matter how much she wanted. It's like she was _possessed_ or something. 

She knelt down in front of the two gravestones and touched one hand to each. "Tell me, if you're there. What is death? Please, tell me. Is there life after death, or is there only the cold oblivion that I so fear?"

There was a moment of silence, not that Orubia expected a reply. Her hands clawed at the cement as she bent down forward towards the ground and cried. She gritted her teeth and she bit her lips, but she still cried. _I still fear death… I fear it so… I don't want to die!_

A suddenly powerful gust of wind blew by. So powerful Orubia winced as she covered her face with her hands and nearly fell to the ground. The chill left as subtly as it came, and when it was gone, Orubia opened her eyes, and was surprised to find something red lying in between the two gravestones.

She took a closer look.

A rose pedal.

She picked it up with wide eyes. _I could've sworn that wasn't there before…_ She held the rose pedal to her heart and smiled at the endless sky. Her tears have not dried yet, but the feeling was suddenly different. There was a sincere smile on her face. _So there is life after death after all… a much more beautiful life…_

* * *

To Orubia, her days left on earth were timed but nowhere near the end. She must use whatever she has left to help people, which is why, for this afternoon, she has decided to volunteer at the local kindergarten. The teacher wanted her to just play and talk with them, and to try to make them feel close and comfortable around each other. 

It wasn't something Orubia normally would've done. But being sentenced to death, she no longer cared if hot guys would think that it's uncool. All that mattered was the fact that she's helping people in need out.

"Good afternoon, everyone!" Orubia smiled brightly as she walked into the class, where wondering little eyes were staring up at her.

"Good afternoon Ms. Bellena!" The kids replied obediently.

She smiled. They sat together on the ground in a circle where Orubia began telling stories, and talking and sharing her past experiences with the children, at the same time listening to theirs. She found one little girl rather quiet though, and she wondered why. She didn't want to ask the girl directly, so she came up with another plan.

"Okay, let's try something a bit different now… let's get a bit more personal to each other… let's understand what's deep within all of us, because the point of this, I'm hoping at least, is that you will all bond with each other and maybe make new friends once I am gone. Okay, let's see… how about this time, we go around the circle so everyone has to speak about… the one thing in their past that scared them the most."

A shudder went through the circle. Orubia smiled at them. "Hey, don't be afraid, remember, the best way is to let it out… Okay, I'll start."

It went on and on, most of it were the pretty typical average stuff you would expect, the monster in my closet, the beast under my bed, the alien in the dark, the vampire outside my window, and so on and so forth. Most of them are just childish fears that will one day go away when the kids are grown up, and they'll probably laugh at how pathetic they were when they were little. Soon, after about 14 kids have gone, it reached the quiet little girl.

"Okay, it's your turn now sweeties, what was your worst experience?"

The girl stayed silent.

Orubia frowned. There's a deep, dark fear inside of her. Orubia stood up and knelt in front of the girl. She was rather adorable looking, certainly didn't fit this sour mood she has right now. "What's your name, dear?"

The girl looked up at Orubia with large, beautiful eyes. "Cayleigh." She whispered.

"That's a beautiful name…"

"Thank you…" she muttered.

"So tell me, what are you most afraid of? You know, it's nothing to be ashamed of… I may be able to help you if you tell me, but if you don't, I certainly I cannot…"

The girl frowned and fidgeted. "My worst experience… was when… was when…" She began to weep.

Orubia hugged the girl close to her. "Don't worry, tell me…"

"I was playing ball one day… then I kicked it into this yard… then I went to go get it because I wanted to play ball… then there was this scary lady there… she was really freaky… she took the ball from me, and she said bad things to me and my mommy… then she… she told me about death… sh-she said, she said I would die one day… she said I would die one day… But, but I don't want to die!"

Orubia did a double take. She couldn't believe it. This is actually the Cayleigh that Sakura had loved. The little girl she was so sorry to have hurt… except she didn't have the opportunity to repair what she had done. Orubia will do that for her. "Cayleigh, dear, tell me. Do you know what death is?"

The girl shook her head vigorously. "No, no I don't… but I know it's something dark and horrible and scary and bad… death is bad… I don't like death and I don't want to die!"

Orubia laughed lightly. "No, you're wrong… death isn't bad… death is… it's beautiful."

Cayleigh looked at her with her tear-filled eyes. "It is? But, what is death?"

Orubia continued to smile. She reached into her pocket and took out the rose pedal she had gotten earlier, and she held it in front of Cayleigh. "This, is death."

Cayleigh stared at it for the longest time, then her face blossomed into the sweetest smile Orubia has ever seen.

Maybe, someday, when the sweet darling was mature enough to not overreact when hearing the truth, she will understand the proper meaning of death. But for now, this is all she has to know.

…………………………………

_I couldn't understand what was happening, except that there was awareness. One moment I was on my bed, and the next, I was floating, just floating. My eyes are closed so I can't be sure, but I feel bright light surrounding me. Tthere's a luminous glow that gave me strength and hope. Here, I knew everything will be beautiful, and every ending will be happy. The warmth enveloped me and I was in bliss._

_Slowly, I could feel myself merging with that brilliance, the white light washed over my face, my limps, down to my toes. Every speck of sin I have collected throughout my life was washed away. I was forgiven. There was no heaven or hell, there was only a happy ending, a place where everyone will live, a place where sadness did not exist, a place where harmony was the only word known._

_Even without seeing with flesh eyes, I know there is nothing here but the light, yet nevertheless, I wanted to see a world through the eyes of a mortal, and slowly, I opened my eyes._

_Yet to my surprise, nothing had changed. Everything around me was the same! It was the same light, except the light was not seen, but only felt, only enjoyed… because… because I was the light…_

_I realize at once; I have become the light… I am now part of a bigger creation, a place where all who are born came from, I am now back to where I belong… I am part of everybody, and everyone is me… a concept only one who has returned can understand… but still, why didn't anything change? Am I blind? I raised my hands to touch my eyes._

_But nothing happened. Again, nothing moved, and I felt nothing. There would be a cold fear in the pit of my stomach right now, but fear and coldness did not exist in this world, therefore I did not feel them. There was only the mystery and curiosity._

_Yet it wasn't hard to figure out. Even if I didn't want to figure it out, the answer is there in front me; it's too hard looking past it. I am part of a larger creation, both mentally, and physical. I _am_ the light. I am light! I am on longer a recognizable being, I exist, yes, but you will not see me, because I am a beaming ray, a bright sparkle, a gentle breeze in the wind, and a twinkle on the stars. I am here, but at the same time I am not. I have my individuality yet I am the same as everyone._

_It's difficult to describe to a person who is not personally experiencing this, but I feel peace, happiness, joy… because that is all that this place allows. I have no control over what I do, and that does not bother me because I do not need to control myself to adjust to my surroundings anymore like I did when I was alive… I _am_ my surroundings… I am part of everything, there's nothing to avoid, because I would just be avoiding me._

_Then, as I am enjoying this overwhelming love flowing from everywhere, from inside me, I hear a voice… a subtle voice that I know cannot be heard, a subtle voice that I know is only in my head… but I know it's not just an imagination._

'_I've been waiting for you.'_

_This voice… this whisper… this echo in my head, it surrounds me… it rings with love, with adorable that I feed on. 'Who are you?'_

'_You know.'_

_I know nothing; I continue to flow, to be part of everything. Light is only light. It's bright to the point of nothingness and that's what'll never change. Even though my surrounding stays the same, I know that _he_ is approaching. More love is pouring out to me. ' You have waited for me.'_

'_Yes. I have always waited for you. I love you.'_

_What is love?_

_You are love._

_I realize the truth of his statement. It is true. I am love. But so is he. We are all love. But the love he also feels for me, and love I feel for him, it stretches deeper, not just in this creation where everyone loves everyone. We have encountered long before… in a time where life was not so perfect, at a time where I take place and shape and size… We have met long before… I took a sudden sharp intake of breath if that's even possible, as I remember._

'_Syaoran…'_

'_Yes. You have remembered.'_

_That moment of recognition was all that was needed. All of a sudden, he was in front of me, and I was in front of him. We didn't kiss or hug or do any of the physical things an earthling would do. Instead, he was inside me. I was inside him. We… we _merged_. Two lights pouring onto each other, drinking each other, at the same time being stirred by a blender. I _became_ him. _

_We are one._

_We are love._

_We are nothing, and everything._

_My final wish came true._

_I saw him on his birthday, after all._

…………………………………

Another year has passed and this time, there was no question about it. Orubia's AIDS has finally woken up from its long, deep slumber.

Orubia walks into the hospital room as she settled on her bed. The 'good room' was now full. Even though Kevin has already passed on, another patient replaced his spot. Yet she was not complaining. It was fine wherever she was. Before Kevin had left though, he had given her back Sakura's diary. Orubia had thanked him, but instead of keeping it, she secretly dropped it on the floor in the position she had found it in. She hoped the next person who came in would read it. She hoped that the story would be passed on, and bring a new hope to all those who were unfortunate.

The hospital certainly was no fun, but there was nowhere else she could stay. Orubia sat on her bed and observed the seven other people that were in the room with her. None spoke—they were all miserable.

The minutes ticked by and one by one, the patients fell asleep. But not Orubia. There was something missing. That feeling of déjà vu again. She's missing something.

Quietly, she got out of bed, wrapped a blanket around her and left her room. She walked down the empty, dark halls, passing door after door, until she heard crying. She kept walking, and the crying was getting loud, and louder, and louder, until—

She turned the doorknob and walked in. "Hello."

The crying suddenly stopped. There was a sharp intake of breath.

Orubia walked around in the dark until she found a girl around the age of 14 sitting on the bed next to the window. Throughout the moonlight, she could see the heavy tear streaks on her face.

"What's the matter?" Orubia asked.

"Why do you care?" The girl growled, wiping furiously at her face.

"Because I hate to see sadness, and I want to help you… I want to help you enjoy your life, without letting this death bother you."

"Hah." The girl laughed bitterly. "That's not happening. And no one, can help me."

Orubia grabbed her hands and kissed them gently. "Please, just trust me. I really do want to help."

The girl was so surprised she turned and look at Orubia in the eyes.

After the disease has finally begun to spread, Orubia's pale blue eyes have only gotten paler. By now, they were practically white. But under the brilliant moonlight, along with her ocean blue pupil, they seemed almost mystical.

The girl widened her eyes as a new hope filled them. She's starting to believe. "Who are you?"

Orubia paused. "I'm no one important really, just, a volunteer worker." She smiled. "I'm Orubia, nice to meet you." She stuck out her hand.

* * *

THE END

* * *

**Author's Note: **_And that, my friends, is the FINAL ENDING. No Epilogue II, or III or IV, I assure you._

_Well, let's party. All's well ends well, huh. And besides I'm now officially done this story (I know I'm going to miss it) and Reality's Different (can't say the same) and most of all…_

_:drum roll:_

_I have also posted I Dare You 2! So, if you want, and I know a lot of you have been anticipating it, go to my bio, and you'll see it there. Have fun reading it, and thanks to everybody who's read this fic. I know it was probably difficult to read since it was so tragic, but thanks._

_And as I always say at the end of a fic. All the e-mail on my e-mailing list WILL be deleted, unless you're on my list for another story. Well, till next time (if there even is next time)!_

_My last word count… 4030 words… DAMN! Just over 4000…_


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